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i’m a fat loser

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how it feels to read self insert/xreader fics of any media that follow the canon plot line

[zeraxes]

Cheshire’s Ghost.

Masterlist.

Ghost! Chishiya x Reader.

A game makes Chishiya Shuntaro haunt you as a ghost. As he plays the games through you, you slowly start to become more like him. For better or for worse.

This includes the King of Clubs and the King of Diamonds.

Words: 17.911

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“Interesting choice ~♪” Chishiya hovers at your side with that frustrating smirk of his. You remain silent as your hand changes directions, placing the stone on the spot he’s smugly tapping instead.

He’s better not playing any games with you again. 

There is a flash of confusion in your opponents eyes at your choice, something you’ve discovered comes up often when you play Chishiya’s strategies. Apparently, the man tends to have the audacity to gamble.

With both of your lives.

No matter how much you scold him for it.

But you’re playing go against a mathematician, which means you need his outrageous strategies. Which has meant in the past that Chishiya took the opportunity to play with you. Guiding you into horrible moves, making you doubt whether to trust him.

Sure, he’d claimed afterwards it was to lower your opponent's walls. Sure, it was his strategy that pulled you through in the end.

You just know he did it purely to see if you’d listen to him again after that.

And you did. And you do. Because what choice do you have?

You’re nowhere near as smart as Chishiya Shuntaro.

And, even if you refuse to admit it, his strategies often end up being… interesting. Fun. They’ve granted you a new way of looking at people. At the games.

So you smile sweetly at your opponent, hoping your smile will make the man either dismiss you or become angry, which has worked for you semi-consistently with men.

Not on this one. He looks at the board, frowning, and takes a carefully long time to place his own stone. He’d been more confident before, so it’s likely Chishiya’s move wasn’t a dud.

“Still doubting me.” He sounds amused. “I’m wounded. You should trust me. My life is in your hands.” 

Asshole. He’s proven multiple times how little that means to him. 

Most notably, he proved it with his death.

You met Chishiya in your very first game, using the man who hadn’t been scared, who’d seemed bored, as your anchor to sanity. You could pretend that first game that none of it was real.

A fact that still amuses him. He told you he was an unorthodox choice for an anchor.

He hadn’t invited you to come with him afterwards. But as the only other survivor, you had swallowed your pride and scrambled after him anyway.

You did not want to be alone.

He let you come, simply because he wasn’t interested in preventing you.

The two weeks that followed had been as nice as the Borderlands would allow. He’d been a good ally for the games, content to keep you with him, alive, as long as he could use your charisma to barely have to interact with anyone. 

It was supposed to be an allyship only, as the Borderlands could easily take. You had seen firsthand how heartless he could be. How… empty. So you weren’t worried about liking him.

That was a mistake. You let your walls down so much that by the time you realised you had started to fall for the unempathetic, selfish man it was too late.

You’re sure he knew, knows, even if he never mentioned it. He’s too good at reading people not to. 

~~~

You are solidated in your original intention of not falling for him when you have to play the Five of Hearts. Unfortunately, you have fallen for him.

The first half of the game you think you’ve gotten off easy. The venue is a temple, and you naively hope that telling each other something difficult will be it. Chishiya is forced to tell you about the relationship with his parents, while you have to tell him about that, something you’ve hidden behind a closed door in your mind a long time ago.

He doesn’t react like you feared he would, like others have in the past. He doesn’t even look at you differently.

It makes what comes next so much more devastating.

It is so simple. One single needle (a hypodermic needle, Chishiya corrects you) with a mystery liquid neither of you recognise.

Still, its intention is clear, even if you try to deny it. It is made clearer still when the announcer tells you only one can make it out of the room.

Chishiya’s expression does not change the slightest. He only clicks his tongue, seemingly annoyed, after a moment.

But you? You panic, your breath quickening and your sight getting blurry.

You do not want to die. 

You do not want him to die.

But you have no choice, have you? It is him or you.

He pulls you out of your panic attack with a simple suggestion. He shows you the cards he’s gathered over the course of his stay, and simply says: “Pull a card. Highest number wins.”

You want to live. You want one of you to live. 

You want to win.

As always, Chishiya’s calmness is your anchor. 

So you pull a card.

Six of Diamonds.

The thought that he could cheat or not honour the outcome does not even enter your mind.

He pulls the Two of Clubs. The game you first met. A lower number.

Yet his expression does not change a bit.

Nor does it change when he picks up that needle, still so perpetually calm, and cleanly punctures his underarm, not needing a second attempt to find a vein, and injects the fluid.

Only then does his expression change. With a side glance at you, he gives you a smile that for a first isn’t a smirk. Then it falls away into a neutral expression as he leans against the wall.

You realise with a start that he is waiting for the effect to kick in.

He is waiting to die.

Yet his face is the most serene you’ve ever seen it.

“Chishiya…” You try, but you can’t get more words out. You only manage to move when he slides down the wall to a sitting position.

You crouch over him, cradling his face in your trembling hands as you lean your forehead against his. “Don’t die. Please.” Don’t leave me.

“I lost.” He reminds you, and it hurts your chest to hear how it clearly costs him energy to get the words out. Yet still his next are in that sing-song voice of his. “Would you have preferred to lose? ~♪”

“You’re smart. Figure something out.” You plead, ignoring his words.

All it earns you is a half-hearted chuckle. “I am clever. But that does not allow me to change reality.”

You pull back to look him over, bringing your hand down to feel his pulse. It’s slow. Too slow. “You really do care, do you?” His words are almost a whisper as he’s struggling with breathing.

“Yes.” The single word is off your lips before you fully process his question. “Of course I do. I…” You are a coward for not managing the next words you intended to say.

Chishiya does not say anything else as he just watches you.

And you? You clutch him in your arms, burrowing your face into his hair. He does not even protest.

You can feel his breathing slowing. You can feel-

“Will the conscious player please leave the room.” The impassive announcer orders.

No. Nononono. You don’t want to leave Chishiya to die alone. But once again, you don't have a choice, do you?

You gently lower Chishiya to the ground, noticing that his eyes have fallen shut. In an impulsive action, you press a kiss to his forehead, tasting the salt of your own tears, before making yourself get up and leave the room.

Leaving him behind.

You barely hear the voice congratulating you with a game clear, but you do notice, through your still-blurred vision, that the five of hearts is not the only card waiting for you on the altar. No, next to it lays a blank card.

You are already confused as you pick it up, its back the same as any other playing card you’ve received, when you notice the note next to it. “Destroy the blank card to destroy the shade.” Which only serves to confuse you a whole lot more.

You don’t remember much else of that evening. You must’ve returned to Chishiya’s apartment, as the next memory you have is of you waking up in his bed, surrounded by his smell, with the feeling of dried up tears on your cheeks.

You curl yourself in a ball, his smell both an anchor and a devastation.

Tears well up in your eyes as you remember, as you attempt to let sleep take you again.

You’re alone.

He’s gone.

You never thought he’d die first out of the two of you. He’d seemed so… solid. Untouchable. 

You’re alone.

You push your face deeper into the pillow as if to stop your tears, to push away your thoughts when-

“Are you going to wallow all morning?”

Immediately you shoot up, hand going to the knife you keep hidden in your bed but pointedly lacks in Chishiya’s. Then you still, because…

It is Chishiya who’s standing next to your bed.

You abandon the fight response to tackle him into a hug. Only to fall unceremoniously off the bed.

It takes your brain several moments to process what happened. When you look back up at Chishiya, you see that he turned around, now with that familiar smirk that made your chest ache on his face.

Yet you can also see the ceiling behind him. Through him.

The smirk fades a bit as he studies your face, an odd look replacing it instead.

Are you hallucinating?

You get up, grimacing at the scrape on your underarm, and try to touch him again.

Your hand goes straight through him. Chishiya lets out an amused exhale. “Yes. I’m incorporeal. Your ill attempt at a hug should have established that.”

You reach over to the nearest object, a book on Chishiya’s nightstand, and throw it through him.

That one is mostly to see his reaction.

He lets out another long breath, less amused and more exasperated. 

Exactly like Chishiya would do. But you know that, don’t you?

You glance at the unmoving clock on his wall. The numbers make sense. That should mean you aren’t dreaming, right? You pinch yourself. 

“There are more effective ways to determine whether I’m real.” Chishiya remarks, watching you from where he’s sitting down on a chair. “Like asking me something you don’t know.”

You ignore him, missing the easy information the internet once granted you yet again as you wish you could just search up how to check whether you’ve gone insane.

Because listening to a hallucination sounds like the worst way to determine that.

Especially when you’re emotionally compromised. You might not be crying anymore, but there is this emptiness in your chest. A numbness.

Well. Maybe Chishiya’s medical books would come in handy. But you frustratingly realise they’re almost all about the human heart, surgical procedures or children’s biology. Some are about other subjects, but only one touches neurology. None touches hallucinations or dreams.

At least from what you see. You admittedly do not know all the medical jargon written on the covers.

“You could just check the drawer of my nightstand." Chishiya suggests. “There should be a notebook with some notes on my latest patients, a fountainpen, a walkman I was modifying to use as a taser, a gun and a multitool.”

You still. “You have a gun?” You finally confront the man, which makes him smirk in satisfaction. 

“Courtesy of my first game.”

You open the drawer. Annoyingly, your hallucination is right. You’ve never seen the contents of that drawer before, so you had no knowledge of what exactly was in there. If his words are correct, he is real.

Neatly laid out is a notebook, a fountain pen, a walkman that does not look modified, a gun and a multitool.

You would have remembered the gun. The numbness starts to fade, making place for a small flicker of hope. “…Are you claiming to be a ghost?” You acknowledge him by meeting his gaze.

Wait. No. “A shade.” You correct yourself. Same difference though. But that had been what the note had said yesterday.

“Interesting correction. So you were told about this. But that does seem to describe my current situation accurately, yes.”

So he is still dead.

At least you won’t be alone.

“Why would I want to destroy you?” You wonder aloud about the wording of the note, searching your pockets for the blank card. 

“Ah. You have one too.” Chishiya’s hand leaves his pocket to show you a blank card identical to your own. “Simple. To stop me from killing you.” Your brain pauses, replaying his words to ensure you heard him correctly. 

“Why would you kill me?” You laugh it off, attempting to hide your unease even though you know that’s likely futile.

“If this card gets torn-” he dangles it too nonchalantly between his fingers. “-it’ll be game over for you, and I’ll get my body back. Yet if you die for a different reason, I go with you. So the question should be, why would I not kill you?”

That’s… “You don’t mean that.” Your voice is more vulnerable than you’re trying. “You wouldn’t.” Except that he’s Chishiya Shuntaro. His eyes, still as dead as when he was alive, stay on you without remorse. You’ve played the games with him for two weeks. You’ve gotten to know him. You’d preferred denial, but you’d known he wouldn’t hesitate to leave you behind or worse if it would be more convenient.

Of course he would. Except you do know something else about him. “You wouldn’t.” You repeat, more confidently. “You lost the game you suggested.”

“I did.” He drawls, his smirk that does not actually convey amusement returning to his face. “Still, being incorporeal is rather inconvenient ~♪” His other hand leaves his pocket as well, taking the card between both of his thumbs and index fingers, as if he’s about to tear it.

Which tells you he won’t.

“You’re being an asshole.” You accuse him. “I grieved for you. I barely remember what happened after the game because I was too busy being devastated.” Something very small changes in his eyes, but you’re not sure if it’s your own biases. “You’re just testing me to see if I’ll tear mine out of self defense. I won’t. You’re a complete utter bastard, but I refuse to kill you. I already mourned you once.”

“You mistake me for being sentimental.” He chides you in a soft, condescending voice. Yet the card remains whole.

“No, I’d never make that mistake.” You refute. “But I think you’ll honour that you lost at least until it bores or irritates you. I think you’re interested in the new experience this will grant you. I think you prefer winning this new game.”

That makes his smirk change ever so slightly into satisfaction. “A game? I haven’t gotten any win conditions. Have you?” He damn well knows you haven’t.

“Of course not. But this is the Borderlands, and there’s a card involved. This is a game. Games end.” You stand in front of him, mirroring his oft-used cheshire smirk. “Will you give up before it’s over, ‘Shiya?”

~~~

You make your way back to the car as the Eight of Diamonds is over, the mathematician who preferred to play it safe over your, Chishiya’s, more audacious strategy having lost. You glance at the newly earned card before putting it in your pocket, habitually feeling if the metal, waterproof, card holder is still in the hidden pocket you stitched in.

It’d be annoying to lose Chishiya to a rainy day or sticky fingers.

It’s still there, so you start the car. Chishiya joins you in the passenger’s seat, his eyes half lidded as you knows he feels some contentment over winning the difficult game.

Chishiya enjoys not having to have to consider those normal problems, smugly staying dry when you’re drenched and enjoying how he can observe without being observed in turn.

He especially enjoys watching you exert yourself in spade games, simply hovering next to you while you had to hold on to an elevator, only reminding you the rules did not disallow for the use of your legs when you had started to quiver. As does he enjoy not having to steer morons, as he enjoys calling a disturbingly lot of people, during club games.

Both of you are aware, you painfully, that he does not have to help you. If it seems like you’re about to die, he only has to tear his card and kill you before the game can, earning his body back.

One time, when you softly asked him late at night if he minded being a ghost, he’d shrugged. It allows for him to only focus in the meager parts of the games that do interest him, while offloading all the others to you, he explained to you, that careless voice he always uses when talking about your lives.

And then he’d reminded you that he isn’t a ghost. As Chishiya Shuntaro, incorporeal and hovering, does not believe he’s dead. “I was alive when you were called away.” He reminds you slowly, as if having no trust in your capability to understand. “The game has told me I’ll be corporeal again if I choose to kill you, and it’s likely I will be as well when the game ends. That wouldn’t be possible if I was dead.” He assumes they keep his body in a suspended coma somewhere. 

When the lights of the Beach come into your vision, you’re as always annoyed by the place. When Chishiya first suggested joining, you’d laughed in his face. “A group of people whose prominent feature is that they all wear bathing suits in a post-apocalyptic hellscape? I’m not joining a cult for your amusement, Chishiya.”

“I won’t enjoy it either.” His smirk said otherwise. You could have believed it to be true if he’d had to be the corporeal one himself, but as a shade? He’ll definitely enjoy your suffering. “But the only clue this ‘post-apocalyptic hellscape’ gives us is the cards we receive after each game. It’s likely they are attempting to gather a full deck. Wouldn’t it be a shame if someone stole them?”

And, well. The games had long since desentisised you to risk. And doesn’t a heist sound fun?

So far one of the only fun things about the Beach is waiting for you as you park your car. You’re greeted by name the moment you step out. “Sole survivor?” Kuina asks, whistling when you flaunt her the Eight of Diamonds with a nod of confirmation. “Damn. You just keep proving that you’re a genius, executive.” Next to you, Chishiya snorts. You give her an faux-innocent smile to let her come to her own conclusions.

You like Kuina. She’s useful, yes, but she’s also just great. She’s not afraid to call you out, yet she’s kind and boisterous. A competent ally, Chishiya called her, but you’ve noticed even he tolerates her. 

It’s also just nice to have someone check whether you’ve made it back alive after the games.

Sure, once you walk past the pool the members who notice you start cheering loudly for yet another game conquered, but they do that for everyone. Especially for the executives.

Hatter is even more dramatic, kissing your hands in a move you could do without when you present the Eight of Diamonds, a missing card, with a (perhaps equally dramatic) bow. 

But there’s the difference: You got bored of these dramatics after the first few days. Hatter, while using it to hide his paranoia and desperation, as you noted yourself and Chishiya agreed with, does enjoy them. And if a bit of acting lets you stay in his good graces while you plot to steal his cards? It’s only a small annoyance.

“I see. What a shame. He owed us a favour.” You look up, following Chishiya’s gaze to a man with black, shaggy hair. You remember him from the Five of Spades, a game you played last week. His blond friend is nowhere to be seen.

Unfortunate. You’d saved his life with Chishiya’s taser he made you finish. Like your ghost said, he owed you a favour.

“What’s wrong?” Kuina seems to have noticed you stopping. “You see a familiar face?”

“It’s getting cold.” Chishiya tells you what you missed. “He says to himself in this heated moment. He isn’t fazed by the Beach’s lies. He might prove useful to our plans ~♪”

You smile. You’re done with the Beach, so you’re open to progressing the plan. “Yes.” You tell Kuina. “Look. He’s not caught by the other’s pretence.” You look back at her. “He’ll be useful for our plans.” 

You watch from your preferred dark alcove as Kuina familiarises herself with who you’ve learned is named Arisu. He’s not alone. The climber from the Five of Spades, Usagi, is sitting on a nearby beach chair.

Kuina seems to be flustering the poor guy. You absentmindedly bet she’s teasing his relationship with Usagi. It’s not the easiest for you to keep your concentration on them, but you know Chishiya would be a pain if you’d have to ask him what you missed. He might not even tell you, or try to make you win a boardgame against him for the information.

He only lets you choose a luck-based game if he’s feeling like one himself. Any strategy based ones? You have no chance of winning.

One time Kuina walked into you playing crazy eight seemingly against yourself. Chishiya at least was amused to watch you bullshit yourself out of how that’d work and why you’d hold up cards with the back towards yourself.

You couldn’t exactly explain that you’re playing with a ghost who’s too incorporeal to hold his cards himself, could you?

Damn it. You’re distracted.

Your realisation comes just in time to notice the esteemed number two and his highest lackeys return from their games.

And promptly ruin the mood, and possibly your plan, by accosting Usagi.

You’re about to push yourself off the wall to search for Hatter who tends to be nearby whenever people are coming back from their games and never says no to flaunting his power over Aguni, when Arisu steps in.

Brave. But oh so very foolish.

You watch as he puts on a confident face anyway, and while you can’t hear his words his posture is almost too casual.

You love the confusion on Niragi’s face.

Even more when you realise Arisu’s intent when Hatter shows up, and as you expected, steps in.

“Impressive.” You mutter under your breath. While you avoid talking to Chishiya whenever you’re in public, everyone’s attention is on the confrontation between the number one and two. Only your intended target will notice your words. “Quick thinking, just like during the game. Selfless too.”

“His selflessness will get him killed.” You take a suspicious note of the hint of satisfaction in Chishiya’s voice. 

“We need him alive for our plan.” You remind him, before pushing yourself off the wall to appear behind Kuina, Hatter having taken care of Aguni and his men.

“And?” You ask her.

Kuina smiles. “I like him.”

As you expected, Arisu is shocked and disgusted by his find of the Beaches dumpspot for the deceased. Any normal human would be.

“Traitors.” You notice you give him a scare as you walk up to him with Kuina behind you. “Hatter does not play around with his rules, even if there are just three. The most dramatic being death to traitors.”

“You’re…” Arisu clearly recognises you.

You smile at him. “Yes. It seems like my clue wasn’t wasted on your friend.” As you’d told him to try the taxi driver channels on the radio. 

Oops. That might be a touch too cruel. You’ve grown too accustomed to death, the shade of the man who you fell for quite literally haunting you, that you sometimes forget that others aren’t desensitised yet.

And sure enough, Arisu’s eyes darken a little. “My apologies.” You immediately correct yourself, forcing your face into something more agreeable. “That sounded wrong. It’s one of the tragedies of this place.” You gesture towards the corpses. “People forget the value of a human life.”

“…You’re saying these people were traitors?” Arisu clearly doesn’t want to talk about his friend.

“Depends on your definition.” You almost shrug, but at the last moment shape your voice into something more disgusted. “Hatter certainly thinks so. And our number one’s word is law, right? Even if you try to leave, you’ll be hunted down.”

“Reminds me of old yakuza clans ~♪” Chishiya hums beside you.

“Reminds me of old yakuza clans.” You agree for Arisu and Kuina to hear. “But each Beach member knows the price of attempting to run. It barely happens.”

Arisu gets the hint in your words. You do like him. “So what happened to the rest of them?”

You don’t have to answer as Kuina, sitting down on the edge, takes over. “They died from injuries or disease. Even if you can find a doctor or a nurse, if you’re seriously wounded during a game, you’re basically a goner. And all these poor souls get tossed here by the executive officers so people can’t see them. If they don’t want reality, keep it from them. That way everyone will always believe in the Beach and collect cards for them.”

“We can’t lower morale, can we?” You add wryly.

“What a ridiculous system.” Arisu stares at the bodies.

He seems to be over his shock. More importantly, he seems to be listening. Aware that both your and Kuina’s words should not be heard by most ears.

So you ask Chishiya’s question. “Tell me, Arisu. How will you live in this world filled with despair?”

You’d half expected Arisu to brush your words off. Give a technically true answer but not the real one. Instead, he’s thinking it over.

“After coming this far, I just want to know. Who’s responsible for these games? And how can I avenge my fallen friends?” There is a real conviction in his words. “And if only one person can leave the Borderlands, I want to push Usagi to number one! That’s the purpose of my life!”

Aww. That’s really sweet. “Not a bad response ~♪” Even Chishiya seems to agree.

Your voice is genuinely soft as you react. “That’s really sweet, Arisu. But you do realise it’s not very realistic?”

He seems genuinely taken aback by that. “You’d have to survive the games until she becomes number one. Until everyone above her loses. That includes me. I’m pretty good at the games.” Chishiya snorts. You pride yourself on not glaring at him. “So is Kuina. All of the executives are not half-bad either.”

“Slaves are slaves until they die.” Chishiya falls in. “So then the slaves should kill the king ~♪”

You wonder how the other two would react to his words. You? It’d make you grin if you were alone.

“Arisu.” Your tone is deceptively gentle as you chose a less dramatic approach than your shade. “How would you feel about other ways to reach your goal?”

“Absolutely not!” The words get out through gritted teeth in an attempt to not raise your voice.

After Arisu agreed to join your, Chishiya’s, plan, you’ve spent the last few days making him and Usagi trust you.

And in turn, trust them.

You were right. They’re sweet. Both seem completely loyal to each other in a way you wish you could be with Chishiya, and Arisu genuinely still looks out for others. Even if the games got as cruel as taking his friends.

But now Hatter has died and it’s time to use the chaos to put the plan in action.

“Don’t be sentimental.” Chishiya’s voice has taken on that coaxing voice as if he’s convincing a small child. “You’ve used others as bait in the games before, haven’t you? This won’t be any different.”

He just told you the real plan. You had been right to be suspicious a few days ago.

The plan he’d told you before had you, Kuina and Usagi keeping watch while Arisu infiltrated Hatter’s suite to steal the cards, while you and Chishiya figured out the code to the safe where the cards are kept during the black letter ceremony.

The problem is that Hatter is paranoid enough that Chishiya is sure he’ll use a dummy safe. Which means it’s very unlikely for one searcher to have enough time to find the real one.

Which means his plan includes leading the militants to Arisu, who would clearly be in the act of committing treason.

Being a threat that’d cause Aguni to subconsciously look at the location of the real safe. Human psychology is funny like that.

In Chishiya’s eyes, it’d kill two birds with one stone. It’d give you the location of the real safe and thus the cards. And it’d rid you of your allies. 

Usagi is loyal. Loyal enough that she’d try helping Arisu, and in turn be taken in as his accomplice. You don’t want to imagine what Niragi would do to her. Kuina would be told to lay low.

While you’d break into the suite and take the cards for yourself, leaving the Beach on your own.

After all, a completed deck would only allow for one person to leave, right? Allies would be a disadvantage.

But you like these people. You’ve bonded with them. “This will be different, Chishiya. This is not a game!” You both know how bad of an excuse that is. If someone else leaves with the cards, chances are the games will kill you before a new deck is formed. Getting that deck is just as much of a life or death situation as the games themselves. “It’s just… I’m selfish.” You plead at Chishiya, knowing pleading does not work on him. “I don’t know the people in the games. I can pretend they don’t matter. But Kuina? Usagi? Arisu? I like them. They like me.”

He watches you, with not a hint of emotion in his eyes. 

“I like you. Does that not matter?”

You still. That throws you on enough of a loop that your anger subsides. 

You have to forcefully remind yourself that this is Chishiya. Who definitely knows of your feelings for him. And you know is not above using them to manipulate you. 

“‘Shiya.” You try again, trying to turn more logical. “Of course that matters to me. But don’t ask me to sacrifice people I’ve grown to see as friends when we could use you safely.”

The black envelope was a ceremony designed by Hatter to pass the code of the safe to the next number one after his demise. All executives at the time watched when he sealed it and all of those executives signed it. 

Aguni will open it soon, and will be expected to follow the same steps. No one will see the contents but him.

Except that you have a ghost no one else can see at your side. “There will likely at least be a hint to the location in the letter. How would the new number two learn where the real safe is otherwise? Can’t we, just this once, let you look at the opponent's hand?”

You don’t mind Chishiya’s insistence on not looking at anything you’re not supposed to see during the games. You did at the start, but not anymore.

He’s right. Some of the games would have been so boring if you let him tell you whatever cards your opponents held. Chishiya prefers to play. Without the lazy advantage his state of being grants. You don’t mind him using you as a vessel for that.

Even if there probably are people dead who would’ve been alive if the two of you would properly use him.

Unlike Arisu, you’ve given up on strangers.

But you haven’t on those you like. “I already lost you.”

Chishiya’s face doesn’t change in the slightest, staying in that neutral, cold, state. You don’t get to know his response, as the door to your room opens. Kuina looks quizzingly at you as she closes the door behind you. “Were you talking to someone?”

It’s rare that you have to force your smile. “No. Just talking aloud to myself.” Everyone has picked up strange quirks in the Borderlands, no?

“But you sounded upset.” Kuina pushes. Your smile brittles. 

What are you supposed to say to that? So you divert instead. “Did you get Arisu and Usagi?”

It’s not difficult to convince everyone of the plan. Unlike Chishiya, you do come across as trustworthy. And Usagi’s concern about being killed if caught is easily soothed as you remind her of the question everyone dances around: How long do you think you can survive the Borderlands? With the addition of: Is it longer than all the people in line for number one before you?

You only really need two people for this. One to enter Hatter’s suite to find the safe and steal the cards, one to keep an eye on the militants. They’re staying together in a group currently, casually both showing off their power in numbers and that everything is alright by lounging at the pool.

Arisu is the one entering the suite, while, under the excuse of soothing her concerns, Usagi is the one keeping an eye on the militants. You gave Kuina a redundant but not useless spot near the suite itself to keep guard.

Yourself? To Chishiya’s annoyance, you’ve placed yourself outside of the Beach.

If he’d had his way, you’d been the one to keep an eye on the militants. You changed that so there’s no chance of him convincing you last-second.

Chishiya is good at convincing you to do less-than-moral things.

The reason for your placing you gave your allies is simple: you’re the getaway driver. Currently, you’re around the block, tapping the steering wheel impatiently with your fingers of a car you chose because it’s silent.

Chishiya is sitting in the driver’s seat, watching you, still with that same look on his face. You have to hope he’ll work with you. Otherwise… well. Your allies will wonder why you send Arisu in there without knowing the code. 

You hope he won’t lie.

“You’re being ridiculous.” The man finally breaks his silence. “You didn’t lose me.”

“You’re a ghost, ‘Shiya.” You refuse to look at him. “We concluded that that will be fixed once the game ends, but it’s been a month. When will it end? Will it end? How do we know for sure there’s more than one way to get your body back?”

“It’s a heart game.” He reminds you, his voice still so unnervingly steadfast. Your anchor. “It wants us to doubt that. But I still have no intention of giving up. Have you?”

“No.” Even with your doubts about the game, you’d never.

“Whoa…” You’re interrupted by Arisu’s crackling voice over the walkie-talkie. “This place is crazy.”

“Be careful.” You tell him for the first time. “Hatter was a very paranoid man. There will likely be a dummy safe.”

It’s silent for a moment, before Arisu reacts. “Hold on. But how am I expected to find the safe then? This place is enormous.”

You look at Chishiya, using pleading eyes even though you know he’s immune to those. He lets out a long sigh.

“The letter contained a drawing of a deer. I assume a similar painting hangs in the suite. The lack of a code means it’s 8055, which is spelled out in the wax by the BOSS ring.”

You smile gratefully at him, no words as you have to do what you’ve learned best this past month: Bullshit Chishiya’s words into something believable.

“Aguni is stoic, but he does show his emotions. And when he opened the letter? He was surprised. Which means the letter did not contain what he expected it to.” You tell Arisu. “Hatter loves his flourishes. It’s likely a drawing instead. Check the paintings.”

After a bit, you get the astonished reaction of Arisu. “I found it! The safe! Behind a painting, like you said. What’s the code?”

“8055.” You sound smug. Chishiya hadn’t lied about the first part, so he won’t about the code, right?

“Only the number one can see inside the envelope. How did you-”

“Like I said, Hatter is paranoid man who loves dramatics. The code was hidden in plain sight. On his ring he used as a stamp.” 

“Truly the work of a brilliant idiot ~♪” Chishiya chimes in. You take your finger off the button so the others won’t hear you snort.

You hear your name through the walkie-talkie. “You’d be a formidable enemy.”

Your smirk mirrors Chishiya’s.

“There are a bunch of cards in here.” Your smirk turns victorious. Chishiya didn’t lie! You’d expected him to.

“Take all. We’re with four, so the duplicates are useful as well.” You instruct him, starting the car. 

It’s Usagi who says: “Get out of there! We should leave as quickly as possible.”

“Casually.” You remind him. “Running will attract attention. Walk normally.”

You, being a bad getaway driver, get out of the car once you arrive outside of the agreed upon exit of the Beach when you see your three allies approach. 

“Your plan went perfectly.” Arisu seems relieved as he approaches you. To your surprise, he gets the deck out of his pocket and holds it out in your direction. “It was your plan. It’s only fair you get to be the one to store them until we decide what to do further.” Aww, he really is sweet.

“Stop!” Chishiya’s voice is sudden and urgent as you’re about to step closer. You freeze. Just in time for the sound of a loud explosion to reach you.

You can see the light of a fire coming from the direction of another exit. “An explosion?” Kuina exclaims. “Was there a leak at the gas tanks?”

It’s Usagi who realises first what’s happening. She pulls Arisu’s arm back harshly, before wordlessly picking up a stone and tossing it in your direction.

It never reaches you. With a zapping noise, it hits a laser, falling out of trajectory to the grounds.

“Are you kidding me?!” Kuina demands. “No way… No fucking way. The Beach is the arena?”

“It was bound to happen.” You see the gears turning behind Arisu’s eyes. “We don’t know how the venues are determined. But the gamemaster must’ve seen the possibilities of turning the Beach into one.”

You’re frowning, hesitating, as you look at the lasers, unmistakeable once you’ve spotted them. “Don’t.” Chishiya drawls, as always sounding like he does not actually care. “It’ll have a bunch of morons waving around guns. We both have no taste for heart games.”

For once, your face is genuine as you look at your allies. “Good luck.”

Kuina frowns at that. She knows how useful you are. “You’re not joining us?”

“No.” You smile sadly. “I have no interest in playing the Ten of Hearts.” You didn't even need Chishiya’s hint for that one. 

To neither of your surprise, it doesn’t take long for the sound of gunshots to reach you. Prepared for that scenario, you’re a block away, just for the rare case of stray bullets. “Idiots.” Chishiya scoffs next to you. “There’s no need to know the rules to know that that's an ineffective way of solving the Ten of Hearts.”

“I hope Kuina, Usagi and Arisu make it through.” You muse, mistakenly aloud.

“They don’t have weapons.” Chishiya reminds you, too lacks for your liking. 

“They have the cards, ‘Shiya.” You irritatedly remind him. “You should want them to make it.”

“I’m starting to feel like there’s no point in collecting them.”

You give him a very unimpressed stare. “They’re the only thing the games reward us aside from a few extra days on our VISA. What do you mean?”

“Do you remember how Hatter tried to convince you to join the Beach?”

“I do.” Not knowing your plan to steal his cards, he’d enticed you with hope. “Don’t ever give in to adversity!” He’d told you, with his smile that almost made you believe in him.

“And what Ann told you about the start of the Beach?”

“Yes.” Talk about hope had been nice, but in practice there’d been none. A lot of people simply… gave up. Let their VISA end. Until Hatter came with his mission. “Fine. I wouldn’t be surprised if he lied about the cards.” You give in. “That’s what you’re getting at, right? That he made up a reason people could hope? But even if he made up that one person can leave with a whole deck, that doesn’t change that these cards are the only clue we have.”

“Hmm.” Chishiya hums non-committedly. “I suppose we’ll see soon.”

You return to the Beach about ten minutes after the gun shots stopped, to find the place ablaze. 

There are corpses everywhere as you make your way to the pool, but you’re selfishly glad to spot Kuina, coming to stand behind her sitting form. “I’m glad you made it.” You glance over to see Usagi and Arisu standing side by side. Arisu looks horrible. 

Kuina does not answer. She does not need to. The very air itself is heavy with the weight of those who did not.

Chishiya seems annoyed when you don’t leave the surviving Beach members, bunking up with them in nearby houses for the night. You do miss the privacy of a room of your own.

You can’t talk to Chishiya like this.

You sleep well that night, devoid of the monsters plaguing the others. Most people look like they did not get a wink of sleep.

You join Mahiru, Usagi, Kuina and Ann in the morning. Chishiya scoffs when Usagi reports that Arisu feels truly awful due to his heightened empathy. But then Kuina tells her it’s easy for a boy and a girl like them to cheer each other up, causing you to snort.

It’s good to see Kuina like herself again.

Ann wants a more constructive conversation. She wonders about Asahi and Momoka, whether they were game operators. Whether there are more. You’d gotten the synopsis of what happened from Kuina yesterday. A murder mystery where the victim was the murderer. Whose best friend died by claiming to be the dealer of the game.

You stay silent as Ann mentions losing all of the cards, wondering if Arisu still has them. Chishiya’s words are stuck in your head, but still, you probably should get them. 

The others start to talk about possible theories about what the Borderlands are. Next to you, Chishiya for once does not mock them. When you subtly send him a questioning glance, he shrugs. “This place is unrealistic.” He tells you. “But given that it is our reality, the theories should be unrealistic as well.”

The other’s theories continue, no one commenting on your silence, until Kuina gets up. “Aw, enough of that! This is pissing me off! What we need to figure out now is how to recover from this calamity.”

Usagi agrees, but the question is how?

The immediate answer turns out to be a memorial service. You for once keep your concentration as everyone names their fallen friend, a strange feeling in your chest.

You ‘only’ lost one person in the Borderlands. Chishiya might argue otherwise, but you remember how it felt when his breathing slowed.

The voice in the back of your head wondering whether you’ll ever get him back is stronger than ever if you listen to other people’s losses.

Chishiya’s shade is silent next to you, watching you with a neutral look on his face.

You startle up when you hear your name. “You weren’t there yesterday.” Arisu asks you quietly. “But you look like you’re grieving. Do you want to share?”

It surprises you, and you automatically smile, but it falls apart. Oh, you’re crying. 

Chishiya Shuntaro. The name is on the tip of your tongue, ready to spill. But it wouldn’t be fair, would it? The man is sitting right next to you. The others don’t have even that little.

“Ignore me.” You say quietly instead.

After the service is over, Arisu searches you out, wordlessly pressing the deck of cards in your hands.

It’s incomplete, missing the Ten of Hearts. But you doubt you’d be able to find it in the ashes of the hotel. 

“Why are we not leaving?” Chishiya asks you the next morning. He’s clearly done with the heavy atmosphere. With the people.

“I’m curious.” You tell him, from where you’re watching the group from a distance. “It’s interesting how different they’re acting from before the Ten of Hearts. Besides, you know I like a few of them. We can leave if they stay like this.”

“Talking to the air again?” You startle at Kuina’s voice. “Who’s we?”

“This is the Borderlands. We’re all mad here.” You defend yourself. “You and I, obviously.”

Before Kuina can react, an expensive looking car comes to a screeching halt in front of the group, almost hitting a man.

Even from your distance you can hear Tatta’s excited shout of “It’s a lamborgini!”

The three of you watch as it excites some of the group, and quickly the car is filled.

Kuina laughs. “Nah. I won’t leave.” She walks back to the group. “Let’s get this party started!” She shouts at them. “Let’s live it up! For those of us still breathing, that’s an obligation!”

And it works. People stop glooming. They start to smile. They start to act. None of the activities at the Beach, but you see some playing golf, Arisu finds a guitar, Kuina plays chess with Ann.

It’s so much more genuine than the Beach ever was. 

They’re having actual fun.

You don’t join in, politely declining anyone who asks. Because, well. You are not genuine, are you? The cards are a constant notable weight in your pocket. 

It feels like you’d only stain what they’re trying to achieve.

Maybe you should leave.

You don’t. It’s selfishly easier to stay.

That evening, when you search for a game, you find a screen announcing an interval. You’re glad you’ve played more games than strictly necessary, so you won’t be one of the victims if the VISA mercilessly keeps going.

“The cards really don’t matter, do they?” You ask Chishiya, staring at the words.

It’s Ann who answers. You forgot you aren’t alone. “They don’t seem to. This happened once all the numbered games have been played. The cards themselves are likely ashes.”

Beneath the larger word ‘Interval’ the screen announces preparations for the next stage of games. 

“I have been wondering what the face cards will look like.” It’s the first time Chishiya is smirking since you declined to leave the group.

It’s the third evening after the fall of the Beach, of feeling this strange disconnect with the others, when something happens.

You watch emotionlessly as Arisu snaps, reminding you with a tinge that he is still a teenager, even with his feats.

That, more than anything, makes you feel like an observer. “It’s a way of coping.” Chishiya tells you when you wonder out loud to him where your humanity went. “Distance makes the horrors seem less real. It helps you survive.”

You don’t startle as suddenly, the air fills with fireworks. “Find a screen.” Chishiya tells you after a moment.

You’re glad you do.

You watch as a terrified reporter introduces four representatives of citizens of the Borderlands. The King of Diamonds, the King of Clubs, the King of Spades and the Queen of Hearts. 

“Are we supposed to take them seriously?” You scoff. 

“When fools start thinking too hard, things get extreme.” Chishiya seems amused. 

“I suppose many of you hoped we would reveal something crucial.” The Queen of Hearts speaks last. “Why must we play the games? Why did this happen to you? It would be easier to blame fate and stop seeking an explanation. But if I had to state one reason, it would be because we’re sick.

You really shouldn’t seek an answer.  This is really just a game. And games are for fun, right?

So? Are you having fun?”

Oh.

She’s right. You are sick.

You start to laugh, causing Chishiya to glance at you.

“We are, aren’t we?” You ask him. “What does it matter if you stay like this? We are having fun.”

He stares at you for long moments, long enough for the announcer to tell you the games will start at noun.

Then he exhales. “I suppose we are. But don’t get reckless.”

You’re listening to the man on the other side of the walkie-talkie, who’s reporting what he sees from the roof. There are blimps all over the city, each showing off a banner with a different face card.

The man says something about the King of Spades moving, before there is a bang and then silence. You frown. “Hide.” Chishiya orders.

You crouch behind a car immediately. Just in time for the unmistakable sound of a gun, just in time to see one of the women fall to the ground, a bloody blur where her head used to be. “A sniper rifle.” He warns you. “Move a bit to the left. It comes from the direction of the King of Spades.”

The rest freezes for a long second before suddenly sprinting into motion, leaving only Chishiya standing in the open. “That’s an anti-materiel rifle.” Tatta trembles. Before explaining those are for taking out armored vehicles and aircraft.

And most of you are hiding behind cars.

You curse as one of the bullets goes right through the car you’re sitting, killing the man next to you.

The next moments go in a flash. Everyone tries to stay low, to move in zig-zags, while making their way into working cars.

You suppose it’s by pure luck you’re not one of the people shot.

It’s not the first time you survived by luck.

You end up in car with Arisu, Usagi, Kuina and Tatta, splitting up from the other cars. You listen as the others talk about the possible rules of the game.

“The blimp is moving.” Chishiya notes. “It seems the King isn’t following you.”

“We should stay away from the blimp of the King of Spades.” You tell the others. “It’s the only one that moves.”

“Having a free-roamer means people can’t just sit out the games. Everywhere is dangerous.” Chishiya muses.

“What if the game site is the entire city?” You translate. “The entire city, except for the other eleven venues?”

Usagi is trying to get the facts straight. Kuina is determined. Tatta seems scared, but starts to get himself together. And Arisu is eager to bring the fight to the citizens.

He suggests the King of Clubs. Immediately, Chishiya sighs. Arisu’s reasoning is sound: the man had sounded the most likely to talk on the broadcast.

“You can still leave.” Chishiya reminds you. “We could play diamonds instead.”

“Arisu is right. It would be interesting to see what he has to say.” You tell Chishiya, words carefully selected so the others won’t realise you're not talking to them. “Besides, I like you guys. It’ll be fun to team up without worrying we’ll be pit against each other.”

Chishiya scoffs, clearly disagreeing. “I could tear the card.” He reminds you. I could come back for the price of your life. You glance at him. His face is slightly irritated, but you doubt he’d do it.

You call his bluff, and turn your attention back to the living people. “I wouldn’t call it fun.” Kuina says. “But yeah, we have a great team here!”

Chishiya scoffs again, making his displeasure clear, as he pointedly glances at Tatta.

That’s… well. You can’t argue against that, can you? But Tatta is great at uplifting morale. Morale is important too.

You arrive at the seaside, a container yard in front of you. In huge letters of graffiti the difficulty and name is spelled out.

Scoring points.

How… unique.

Chishiya is looking very unimpressed.

You ignore that in favour of studying the five bracelets. “It seems like we came here with the right number of people.” You hold one bracelet up to Kuina, who takes it from you and puts it on without hesitation.

You do the same.

Once everyone has their bracelet on, the gate opens.

You’re in first. Only to be greeted with an alarm.

Ugh.

No metal allowed. You hesitate for a moment, before reaching for the metal cardholder you hold the blank card in, pulling it out before laying the cardholder on the ground. Luckily it’s at least still in its plastic sleeve. You don’t actually know for sure what happens, if something happens, if you’re separated from the card. You’d rather not find out. You value Chishiya’s presence.

You get a weird look from Kuina as she spots the blank card you tried to put back in your pocket as soon as possible, but there’s a game happening. She does not have the chance to ask.

As you enter the container yard, five people are waiting for your group next to a buzzing pole with a ball of metal at the top.

One of them, a well-build man, is very naked.

“Oh I’m so glad! I finally have enough players. Thank you for coming! Welcome to the game site for the King of Clubs! I’m in charge of this game. I’m the King of Clubs, but you can call me Kyuma.”

You barely hear his words, too busy blushing furiously while trying to keep your eyes up. 

“It’s just a body.” Finally, Chishiya sounds amused again. You wish you could look at him instead, but there are eyes on you. “Are you really that affected by it?” Then, with words you consider very evil, he adds in a low, deceptively gentle, voice: “I wonder if you could manage to keep up the act that I don’t exist if I did that.”

Evidently not, as you blush somehow worsens at just the thought, and you break character to send him a glare that hopefully conveys Don’t you dare.

It shows you the mirth around his eyes.

You’re sure he won’t. He does have some modesty.

…Right?

You try to get yourself back together by studying Kyuma’s companions. One of them, the sole woman, says: “See? They’re shocked. Now put on some pants.” Which gets the King of Clubs to launch into a spiel about nudism.

Chishiya has a glance in his eyes that suggests he’s currently feeling very vindicated about trying to get you to avoid this game.

The man comes across as nice, fair and casual as he explains the rules, except after he explains the citizens, them, are playing to the death as well. “The Queen of Hearts says the games are just for fun.” For then there is an intense spark in his eyes. “But for me they are deadly serious.”

He goes on to explain the rules. There are two teams, players and citizens, and the team with the highest points wins. How much points each player has is displayed on their bracelet. There are three ways of gaining points: By finding the six items spread over the arena, by battling each other, which happens when you touch someone else. The winner takes 500 points from the loser. You can team up with a teammate by touching them, causing your points to stack and the points you gain or lose will be divided over you, and you can gain points by touching the opponent’s team’s pole. This will earn you a huge 10.000 points, but anyone touching their team’s pole will count as having infinitive points in a battle, and will take 10.000 points from anyone they touch.

If you’ve battled, gained an item or touched the opponent’s pole, you’re ‘unavailable’ which means you’re unable to do an action to gain or lose points and any opponent who touches you will be delivered an electric shock. You get out of that state by touching your team's pole.

If a player reaches zero points, it’s game over for that player.

As the citizens are about to leave for their pole, Arisu holds them back with his questions about the games.

Kyuma proclaims playing the games is the truest form of communication. The best way to learn about each other. 

He claims this place has stripped things like vanity, deceit or flattery away. 

You stop yourself from scoffing, while you can hear Chishiya’s amused exhale next to you.

Maybe in his games. You’ve learned to lie like it’s second nature ever since Chishiya started haunting you.

You do agree with him that confronting death brings out the true self of most people. You're just not too sure about yourself.

“He’s mad.” You comment as they walk away. “That was to be expected.”

As Tatta talks about how he isn’t sure your team can do this, Chishiya looks at you again with that I-told-you-so expression.

“That Kyuma dude might be an okay guy. Can we really kill-”

“Don’t.” You interrupt him. “C’mon. It’s us or them. Have you not had to play against okay people before? Kyuma takes the game seriously. We should too.” 

You discuss point distribution. “I wonder sometimes whether he’s clever or a moron.” Chishiya murmurs as Arisu explains putting all points on a single player. “Right now I’m definitely thinking moron.”

His shift of focus towards items is a bit better, but still annoys Chishiya enough that he tells you his strategy. 

You’re glad. You’d expected him to sit this game out.

“Versatility is the key.” You correct Arisu. “We need to be able to adapt to the citizens’ team. While you’re right that the goalie should have only 100 points, we should have two runners with 300 points and two tanks with the remaining 4700 and 4600 points each. We’ll have two pairs with a runner and a tank. 

This way the runners can afford to lose one group battle, but if they get an item they can split up from their tank so we have more players searching for items. If it turns out the citizens are focusing on battles, we switch pairs to put the two tanks together and the two runners together. That way the tanks can battle while the runners, who should be our fastest, can escape them.”

“This is why we bring you along.” Kuina grins at you.

It causes your own grin to fall before you force it back up.

You’re not sure why it hits you now, but you are not why you’re useful to others, are you? It’s the genius haunting you.

The cards weren’t your plan. This isn’t your plan. Most of your strategies aren’t yours.

But that shouldn’t matter.

What matters is the game. You focus back on it. You’re here because it’s interesting. For the fun. 

Who cares about whose plan is whose?

“Who will be the goalie?” Tatta asks. You look at him with raised eyebrows. “Me?” He asks. “Why?”

“Do you want me to say it?” You ask him. You really don’t want to be cruel, but he’s been sweating even before entering the game. You’re not sure he can keep himself together if he’s actually forced to play.

Tatta looks away, a shadow falling over his eyes. Kuina diverts attention by making the pairs.

The smile on your lips is genuine as she immediately claims you.

Except that Arisu intervenes. You frown. You’re aware of the tension that had grown between him and Usagi, but you hadn’t thought he’d let that affect the game.

But maybe this is him preventing it from affecting the game. 

“Don’t get too far. I can’t climb after you.” You remind Usagi who’s currently two containers high, while you're idly checking each container to see if it opens.

Chishiya seems to have placed his limit at the strategy, refusing to help you search items or even just scout ahead. He just saunters behind you silently.

“There are too many containers. We won’t know the situation at the opponent’s base until we get close.” She responds.

“Just make sure not to spend all your energy at the start. We have two hours to go.” With clear reluctance, Usagi makes it back to you.

You’d neglected to remember that club games tend to include spade elements when you followed the others. Thus far, walking through the containers in the blaring midday sun is taxing and boring.

Maybe you should’ve listened to Chishiya.

Those thoughts disappear when you spot a muscular man coming around a corner. “C’mon!” You grasp Usagi’s hand and start to run.

Win or lose, you’ll at least get information. 

Unfortunately, the man is at a distance that he can flee easily.

“I expected a citizen to not run.” You pant.

“He thought he’d lose.” Usagi muses.

You continue to search for items, which is interrupted by the announcer proclaiming a change in points. 500 added to your team, while the opponents lost 500. “Arisu and Kuina must’ve engaged in battle and won.” Usagi tells you.

“Good. We can win this.” You react confidently.

It’s not much later that you come across two of the citizens, the woman and the man who’d made the game. They don’t run away.

You win.

“Four thousand points?” You read their total, baffled, not needing Chishiya to tell you what that means. 10.000 divided by 5 is 2000. “You divided your points equally? Even with your goalie? You do realise that means we have a 1900 point headstart for battles?”

The woman just groans, the two of them leaving wordlessly.

Only for the scoreboard to ding again, giving your team another 2000 points. “Kuina must have found an item. This is too easy. This is a king’s game?”

Everyone arrives at the pole at the same time to touch it, and everyone, even Tatta momentarily, is in high spirits.

Arisu even teams up with Usagi again, leaving you alone as Kuina has enough points to go off on her own.

Everyone, except Chishiya, whose head is tilted as he watches the five of you. “You’re getting complacent.” He languidly scolds.

He was right.

“Now it’s getting interesting ~♪” he whistles as the scoreboard shows your team gaining 10.000 points, but the enemy team gaining 20.000.

“Interesting?” You ask. “Three of them now have above 10.000 points. They must have sacrificed a teammate. We might just have lost the game.”

“Are you giving up?”

“Of course not.” You find yourself smiling. “You’re right. Maybe now it will get interesting.”

You’re back at the pole, discussing strategy with the others. “We’ll never win by battles. They have a 6000 point lead. We’ll have to place our hope in items.” You point out.

Tatta is sitting in the ground, his face darker than ever. “If anyone comes again, try touching the pole with your leg to free both your hands to battle two of them.” You instruct him, ignoring how it darkens his mood more.

Ah. You just told him he could’ve done more. He’s likely thinking that it’s on him if you lose.

You won’t correct that train of thought. You have a game to win, and it’s not entirely incorrect.

Arisu repeats Chishiya’s earlier thoughts, although with a bit more self loathing. The five of you had forgotten that you’re battling a king.

So you set out to collect items.

“I don’t like it.” You grumble towards Chishiya. “This is pure luck. Gambling can be a good strategy, but the chance is nihil that we earn enough from the items, the citizens don’t find items and we don’t end up in battles.

“Then maybe you should do something else ~♪”

You still. “What else? We can’t earn points by battling them.”

“You can’t.” Chishiya responds in a mocking tone.

“You’re suggesting the pole. That’s suicide.”

“I know you have a brain. Use it. What do you know of Kyuma? Of his team?”

“He’s good at strategising, even if preferring equality. Even if their strategies end up killing them.” You recount what you’ve seen.

“What are they doing right now?” Chishiya guides you.

“Preventing us from finding items. Preferably battling us.” You answer immediately. 

Chishiya pulls up his eyebrows, waiting for you to realise.

“Oh, really?” It starts to dawn on you. “You think they’re brazen enough to do that?”

Chishiya doesn’t answer. He doesn’t need to, does he? You know they’re brazen.

You change course and make for the enemies’ pole.

It doesn’t go well for your team, your steps quickening each time the scoreboard dings.

+3000 points to the King of Clubs.

+500 points to the King of Clubs.

-500 points to the players.

You make Chishiya scout ahead of you, to make sure you don’t come across any of the citizens. You’re not sure you can outrun them.

You’re fortunate he does so, although it’s likely a reward for figuring his strategy out on your own.

+500 points to the King of Clubs.

-500 points to the players.

But you don’t come across anyone.

+500 points to the King of Clubs.

-500 points to the players.

There.

The citizen’s pole is in an open space not too dissimilar to the one your team’s pole resides. 

And it’s completely deserted.

Your smirk rivals Chishiya’s as you calmly walk up to it.

+10.000 points to the players.

You glance at your bracelet. 14.950 points. Now you don’t have to worry about battles anymore.

Then you glance at the scoreboard. 

Players: 31.500.

King of Clubs: 33.500.

Hmpf. But that’s not that big of a lead. There are still four items to be found.

“I thought Arisu would be the one who would figure us out. But you’re learning too.” 

You glance up, instinctively immediately looking away at the sight of the naked man before looking back again. The woman is at his side. “I thought you said none of them would dare.” She scolds Kyuma in the way only a true friend would. “But here you are.”

Your smirk is still on your face, ignoring your reddened cheeks. “It was worth the gamble.”

“Unlike Arisu, you’re not growing.” The King of Clubs tells you. “No, you’re losing yourself instead. Is that truly what you want?”

Your smirk falls. “This is a game.” You tell him coldly. “You know nothing about me.” You make to leave.

You’re wasting time.

“I don’t think you believe that.” Kyuma shouts after you.

You ignore the way Chishiya is looking at you.

“There you are!” Kuina laughs broadly as she sees you arrive to touch the pole, blood dripping from her nose. “How did you know to go for their base?”

“Just a hunch.” You shrug. “I figured it was worth the gamble.”

“It was.” Usagi says. “You gave us a fighting chance. But we’re still behind. We have to find the final items.”

“You’ll switch with Tatta.” Arisu tells Usagi, who only has 50 points left.

“No. I want to participate.” She objects. “I’m not about to play it safe.”

Tatta is once again left behind as you all set out to search for items.

You grin as you finally feel a container opening. The item is nondescript, but you don’t stay to observe it closer, touching it and leaving immediately.

+1500 to the players.

Your grin sours as the next two items are found by the citizens.

+500 to the King of Clubs.

+1000 to the King of Clubs.

+500 to the King of Clubs.

-500 to the players.

You really hope it wasn’t Usagi who lost that battle. 

Then, finally, as you’ve almost reached the pole:

+2500 to the players.

King of Clubs: 35.500.

Players: 35.000.

“Just five hundred more points.” Usagi is holding her broken wrist she got from running away. “Just one more battle.” Fortunately it was Arisu who lost a battle, and less fortunately who’s clearly blaming himself for the point difference.

“But we need to get them to battle for that.” You frown, thinking. 

“Why can’t we just send you at them? You’ve got the most points out of anyone.” Kuina asks you.

“Exactly. They know that. They’d either team up or run away. They’re faster than me. They won’t allow for a battle to happen now.”

“Arisu, could you come with me for a sec?” Tatta interrupts.

That sparks Chishiya’s attention. “Oh? Will he finally be useful?”

Tatta, while still looking like a dark cloud looms over him, has looked lighter ever since you came back to the pole. Arisu had been there already. Had he said something to the man?

You follow the two as a guard while Kuina and Usagi stay with the pole. There is no reason for the citizens to try to go for more points, but you never know.

Tatta leads the two of you to one of the open containers. “All the items have already been claimed. So why are we out here?” Arisu asks Tatta. “We’ve already lost.”

You don’t agree, even with the limited time you have left. Neither does Tatta.

“No. We haven’t lost yet.”

He explains his plan. The citizens might run away from you, knowing your points, but if Arisu hides Tatta’s bracelet on him, he’ll technically be in a team battle with Tatta. He will, unknowingly to the citizens, have 14200 points.

Enough to beat one of the citizens.

They’ll run away from you. Why would they from Arisu? Only the woman is that cautious.

You bet Kyuma would allow Arisu one final handshake.

The problem is, to get the bracelet off of Tatta, the man suggests cutting off his hand.

“I failed at everything. But you were kind to me. And those words saved me! They meant everything to me! That’s why I want you to do this. No matter the circumstances, you’re always considerate of other people. And you have the determination to do this. Losing one arm won’t kill me. So let’s win this and get outta here!” He puts his arm in the opening of the container’s dull metal door.

You frown, not saying a word.

“That’d open a main artery.” Chishiya comments boredly. “Which very much will kill him given the lack of medical professionals. He should know that you could get the same results from breaking the bones in your hand. Painful but not lethal if no infection sets in.”

“Wait!” You stop Arisu, who, darkly, was about to close the door. “Let me.”

You reposition Tatta’s hand. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to save your life. And Kyuma will be suspicious if there’ll be blood on Arisu.”

Chishiya watches with his hands in his pockets, giving not a single pointer. You take a deep breath, before slamming the door shut. Not with all your strength, but with enough force that an unpleasant crack echoes between the containers.

You bite your lip, ignoring Tatta’s screams as you painstakingly pull the bracelet off his hand, trying not to look at the ugly blue and red and purple state it is in. 

But you manage, handing Arisu the bracelet.

“Go Arisu! Go!” Tatta shouts immediately, the timer reaching five minutes. 

He slouches down against the container. “I did it.” He sobs, holding his limp hand. “At the very end, I did it! If I try, I can do it!”

You glance helplessly at Chishiya, having no idea how to help him with his hand. He shrugs. “I can’t feel which bones are broken or how badly.” He reminds you. “And even if I could, we have nothing to set his bones with.”

You stubbornly make a sling out of your jacket, putting the contents of your pockets in those of your cargo pants (you wanted more pockets in this apocalyptic hellscape). “You did do it.” You tell him as you lead him back to the base. “Your plan will win us the game. Your sacrifice will.”

“Tch.” You glare at Chishiya, who does not understand your attempts at uplifting Tatta. 

Tatta does not need your words, he barely seems to be feeling the pain as his face is completely bright.

The scoreboard dings.

+500 to the players.

-500 to the King of Clubs.

Players: 35.500.

King of Clubs: 35.000.

The group Arisu comes back to is laughing, ignoring Usagi’s broken wrist and Tatta’s broken hand as Kuina praises him, slinging her arms around him and you. You wonder if the other three notice the grief on Arisu’s face. Usagi likely does.

But that grief quickly, mostly, contorts to relief.

“Tatta! You’re alright! We won! It’s all thanks to you!”

Huh. Finally, you feel part of the group.

You lose that feeling almost immediately, when Arisu announces his decision to step out of the games. Usagi and Tatta stay with them.

“This is probably our last goodbye.” You three get along, okay?” Kuina tells them before driving off.

You watch Chishiya in the rearview mirror. He’s idly watching the landscape pass by, at least, you thought so, until he murmurs: “The King of Spades turned, but it’s still going in another direction.”

“So, what’s the plan?” Kuina asks you.

You give her a bittersweet smile.

“No. Don’t give me that face. We’ve been a team for weeks. There’s no reason to split up now.”

“Kuina.” You genuinely will miss her. “We teamed up to fill in each other’s weak points. But now we can choose which games we’ll play. You should choose spades. Can you imagine me winning in those?.” 

“I’ll keep you alive.” But Kuina sounds hesitant now.

“These are facecards. You shouldn’t focus on someone else when it’s not a teamgame.” You tell her. “Besides, I want to play diamonds.” Or rather, you want to play more games. To lose yourself in them. And Chishiya had told you that he won’t accept any game but diamonds. 

“Fine. Damn it, but fine. Just… if we’re about to say goodbye, can you at least tell me what you’re hiding?”

You’d been glancing at Chishiya again, but your attention startles back to Kuina at her words.

“Hiding?” You put up very obviously faux-innocent eyes. “Me?” Chishiya’s attention swifts to the two of you.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“You’ll think me crazy.” You tease.

“I thought you said everyone turns mad here.”

“They do.” You pause. “Will you believe me if I tell you I’m haunted?”

“Haunted? You serious?” Kuina takes her eyes off the road to glance at you.

“Hmm. There’s a ghost sitting on the backseat.”

“Don’t joke.”

“I’m not. It is one of the games.”

Kuina glances at the rearview mirror, seeing no one. “You know what, after everything? I’ll believe that. Tell me more.”

“It was the Five of Hearts.” Your voice turns vulnerable. “I’d been allied with him for two weeks. But the game only allowed one of us to make it out. We both pulled a playing card, his idea, and the lowest pull stayed behind. I thought he was dead until the next morning I woke up with his ghost next to my bed.”

Kuina does not offer you any sympathies. “So you’re saying someone else is in the car with us. He can hear me?”

“Yup.”

“And only you can see him.”

“Yup.”

“So all this time, whenever I caught you talking to nobody..?”

“Yes.”

“And here I thought we had girl’s nights with just the two of us.”

“Sorry.” You give her a hesitant smile. “He did find it regrettable that he was unable to try the eyeliner.”

That makes Kuina laugh. “Heh. That sounds like I’d like him. Would I like him?”

“Uh…” You grimace. 

“But you like him.”

You still.

“Don’t deny it. You have this look on your face.”

“Do I?” You ask Chishiya, who nods with his cheshire smile on his lips.

“Man, you're actually talking to someone. That’s weird. But you’re not denying it.”

“I am.” You lie.

“C’mon. You can die at any time. Your relationship might be unorthodox, but why not? Nothing is normal here.”

Chishiya just watches, amused.

“Kuina.” You try. “He’s listening. Don’t do this to me.”

Kuina glances at the rearview mirror, guessing Chishiya’s location from your own glances. “And you. I don’t know you. But if you hurt her I’ll kick your ass.”

“I’d be impressed if she finds a way.” Chishiya is not intimidated in the slightest.

There is no negative blood between the two of you as you say your goodbyes, only a long hug. “Don’t die on me.” She tells you, before driving off. Neither you or Chishiya comment on her earlier insinuations.

That’s fine. Your attraction towards Chishiya has been obvious since before he became a ghost. He knows. You won’t make things awkward by bringing it up.

You know what it means that he hasn’t either.

It’s been a while since you’ve been in Chishiya’s apartment. It looks like you haven’t been there for a lot longer than that it was, though, with a thick layer of dust covering everything.

“Time has been going quick everywhere.” Chishiya notes, putting one of his fingers futilely in the dust to gauge the depth. “Plants have started to take over the city.”

“Feels like it’s all coming to an end.” You muse, shaking dust off the water bottles you stored there before leaving for the Beach. You greedily drink them. “What venues could there be with no city?”

“Right when the last cards of the deck are being played.” Chishiya agrees. “If given the choice, would you stay?”

Arisu seems to believe there won’t be a choice. You’d rather not think about it. “That’s a future problem. You?”

“It depends.” You glance over at him, hypocritically wanting to call him out for the cop-out answer, but he’s looking out of the window, actually deep in thought.

You go to his bedroom to get the worst of the dust out. The bed does not smell like him anymore.

When you wake up, Chishiya is laying on his side halfway through the blankets next to you, his face closer than you expected, his hand right next to yours. You’re itching to reach out, but you know you won’t be able to touch him. Instead you enjoy the rare moment of watching him relaxed, his eyes closed, the mole beneath his eye standing out.

You meant to go to the Jack of Diamonds that noon, but to your surprise Chishiya takes out his blank card and casually threatens to tear it if you don’t take a few day’s rest.

You point out that it’s counterproductive to try and force you to take a break by threatening to kill you, but Chishiya just smirks at you. You manage to barter that he’ll help you properly during the diamond games. “I’m playing diamonds for you.” You remind him. “So you’ll play to win.”

He smugly agrees.

The next few days are actually nice. Yes, you want to throw yourself into a game both because they’re fun and because… 

Well.

Unlike what Chishiya claims, definitely not because they’re a coping method for how you’ve survived. What you’ve lived through.

You want answers, you argue. And that Chishiya agrees with.

He talks to you about his theories, but not before prodding you for your own. He asks you, in the event both of you became citizens, if you’d join his game instead of making your own.

You teased him about being so sure he’d be chosen for a facecard, but you both know it to be true. Then you, purposefully nonchalant, shrug. “Sure.”

He knows how you feel about him. Why did he think he had to ask?

You keep waking up next to him, and you could swear he gets closer each night, and each morning you itch to reach out.

You never do. It’d break the illusion. It might even break you.

You read books together. He can’t physically move them himself, so he’s forced to read with you. So you choose books that are just a tiny bit out of his comfort zone. He retaliates by predicting the plot and spoiling twists for you.

You could almost pretend that this is domestic. Normal. That he’s yours.

But he’s not. You can’t even touch him.

You want to distract yourself with a game. Finally, on the sixth day, you just leave the apartment. Chishiya is silent as he follows. 

It’s ironic, you muse as you place winning tile after winning tile, that the Jack of Diamonds claims to be a gambler. But he played it safe, and lost.

You couldn’t find the distraction you wanted in this game, so you get up with the intention of immediately joining the King of Diamonds, as the Queen has already been beaten. “Check the uradora tile.” Chishiya stops you. You do. It’s a bamboo tile. “He’d have won if he took the gamble. There’s nobody worthwhile here. Let’s go find him ~♪”

There are two men and a woman already waiting in front of the Justice Court, the venue of the King of Diamonds. The woman stops you, warning that they only want intelligent people taking on the king. No muscle heads.

“I did just take down the Jack of Diamonds. Does that make me eligible?” You put on your innocent smile.

“You seem like a wiseass.” The older man says. “Let’s head inside.”

You’re led to the court room, where a round table is waiting with five chairs, large scales placed above them. In the chair furthest away from you, sit Keiichi Kuzuryu, the former number three of the Beach, who was proclaimed dead the same night as the Hatter.

But you spend a month in his proximity. Chishiya had agreed with you that the man in the broadcast had seemed familiar. You put on the same smile you used as an executive. “Kuzuryu! It’s been a while.”

He does not react. Rude.

Nor does he react to any of the other three. With Chishiya talking behind you, you try again. “People are saying citizens were once players like us, who cleared all of the games. So how did you become king? Appointed? Elected? You did not mind serving under Hatter, so you’re not blinded by pride. Why did you infiltrate the Beach?”

“No value. I have no obligation or responsibility to answer questions of no value.”

"Good. You got him to respond. We can continue when there are less people.” Chishiya says behind you as you take your seat. There is a chain you have to close around your leg.

The rules of the game are explained. All five of you will choose a number between 0 and 100, of which the average will be multiplied by 0.8. The person closest to that outcome wins, everyone else will lose a point. If you lose 10 points, it’s game over. Each round will take a minute. If a player receives a game over, a new rule will be added. The last player remaining completes the game.

The rules press that, whenever new rules are added, the round will take five minutes instead of one. So everyone can understand the new rules equally.

It means you, and Chishiya, will have to guess what number all the others are guessing.

“Um… that sounds like psychological warfare. Does that mean this is a heart game?” The woman, Daimon, asks next to you.

It will be a free for all. Allies are always useful. “In any strategy game you’ll have to be able to read your oponent.” You tell her. “It’s just their logic you’re reading. Not their psyche.”

The first round starts.

“I don’t care if he’s the King of Diamonds.” Chishiya tells you. “Either way, he’s nothing compared to me.” It causes you to smile fondly as you press the number he taps. 32.

The King of Diamonds does not show what goes on in his head, while the man in the suit and the old man are clearly thinking through complicated formulas, but you’ve learned that’s not how Chishiya works. He prefers to follow his intuition.

Which, ironically, places him more in line with the woman, who, through her comments, comes across as a bit of an idiot.

You talk a bit with her. The King of Diamonds clearly works with law, considering the venue. The scales signify justice. And with the rules talk of equality? He wants to bring the idea across that every single life, including his own, is equal.

“That’s so godlike of him ~♪” Chishiya seems interested.

Daimon disagrees. It’s no wonder she does not like Kuzuryu, she tells you, as she’s a loanshark. Lawyers are her natural enemies. “The scales will always sink with the heaviest metal.” She tells you.

The result of round one is lower than Chishiya predicted. 26.24. The King of Diamonds wins.

Something pours in the scale above you. Acid?

The number gets lower each round. And each round, the King of Diamonds wins, his picks coming closer to the true answer each time. 

The man in the suit worries about something he calls the nash equilibrium, where, proven by the numbers getting smaller each round, eventually everyone will keep picking zero. As no one would lose a point, the game could go on forever at that point.

Chishiya does not seem worried. “It’s over for him.” He nods at the old man. “He’s too smart. He can’t begin to read an idiot.” You’re pretty sure you’re smarter than Daimon, who’s spent a lot of time confused. But she does try. You can respect that.

In round four, the number is 1.12. Only the King of Diamonds has won thus far. But won’t next round be zero? Wouldn’t everyone win?

“Press 100.” Chishiya tells you. “Tell him that you’re starting to understand exactly what he’s trying to measure.”

You tell the King of Diamonds, even though you get no reaction. It’s not even a lie, you do. You never knew Kuzuryu was so indecisive about a philosophical concept like the value of a human life.

You keep your face carefully neutral as you press 100, even though you want to smirk. You love seeing Chishiya’s strategies cause confusion.

And it does. Daimon, the only one aside from you not to choose zero, cheers as she wins. 

“What are you trying to pull?” The old man asks you. “If you choose 100, your chances of winning is zero percent.”

You put on that sweet smile that you know can infuriate some people. It works, which delights you. “You all were thinking so loudly. It was giving me a headache. So I thought I’d mess it up.”

Daimon smiles at you, and you know she’ll pay back her win. Indeed, the next round Daimon chooses 100, and you with your 25 wins as the average is 23.

“I lend money for a living.” She explains. “While I’m happy to lend, I don’t like being indebted to someone.”

You’ve pressed 100 again before Chishiya can tell you to do so, causing Daimon to win. The two men are completely off-kilter now as none of their strategies make any sense anymore. They’re horrified. Daimon laughs at you. “I knew you’d do it again.”

The King of Diamonds stays more neutral than even Chishiya can be.

You win the next round, as Chishiya knew Daimon wouldn’t repeat her selflessness. But you choose the same number as Kuzuryu, which causes you to glance at Chishiya.

He is still in the lead, even if you’re at least not last now. “He must have anticipated this turn of events.” Chishiya tells you. “The only way to defeat the nash equilibrium is by self sacrifice. If no one responds to that, then even the first victim won’t be saved. He’s asking whether altruism exists at the bottom of a pit. Whether life is precious or beautiful.”

He wants to measure the value of one’s life.

The two men don’t win a single round as they can’t conceive what falls outside of their realm of logic. By the time their kind of logic comes back into play, it’s too late for them, as they’ve both lost ten points.

You can’t stop yourself from grimacing at the sight, sound, of the two men melting alive.

Now you’re last with your -8 points. Daimon has -7, while the King of Diamonds has -4.

Two new rules are added. You lose the round automatically if you chose the same number as someone else, and if you manage to pick the exact average, everyone else will lose two points instead of one.

“There are less people now. Why don’t we chat?” You ask the King of Diamonds.

“What do you want to chat about?”

You smile victoriously. You want to confirm Chishiya’s theory.

“How did you become a King?” You repeat. “All the players are fighting against you, but you were all once players, right?” This time, you can read the answer off Kuzuryu’s face. “You went through the same we did. You managed to beat to the facecards. So you’re just a player further along the field, correct? We’re all just cogs in the machine called the Borderlands? The difference between us is the VISA. You’re called citizens. You don’t have one, do you? That’s the grand award that awaits us once we defeat all the games?”

“There are other options available.” Chishiya guides you, more eager than you’ve heard him… ever?

“Yet there are other options available, aren’t there?” You continue. 

“Have you ever seen the other side of the world with your own eyes?” Kuzuryu asks you. Yes! You actually got him to talk!

Your delight falls away as he gives examples of the abuse of the system, of the rich over the poor. He tells you that there are more laws protecting the perpetrators than victims. 

As a lawyer, it was his job to protect those perpetrators. The apathy made him forget the value of a single life.

Oh.

“You’re kind.” Your voice is genuinely softened. “You suffered with knowing about the cruelties of the world.” Such a different coping mechanism than you. You’re reminded of Arisu.

You don’t notice Chishiya’s silence.

That round, everyone picks one. You nervously glance at Chishiya, as now you’ll receive a game over if you lose even one more round.

You still trust him. He won’t let you die that easily. His vanity refuses him to. And Kuzuryu is so interesting.

It makes this game worth it.

Chishiya doesn’t disappoint you, making you press 23, calmly explaining the logic so you’ll be able to duplicate it.

It’s the exact average, causing Daimon to have lost ten points. She accuses you of cheating. Of looking at her ipad.

How ironic, considering how easy it’d be for you to actually cheat that way thanks to your ghost.

“You’re an awfully honest person.” You repeat Chishiya, your voice gentle as if you’re not explaining to her how you killed her. “Would you really choose a random number?”

Her face pales as you steadily describe how Chishiya narrowed down the numbers. How he arrived at the final two. How he just guessed the final one.

Your false smile only fades once the scale tips.

You’d wanted a certain feeling from the games. This adrenaline. This feeling of being alive.

You don’t feel it anymore. Instead, you’re feeling very tired.

The games always have been a horrible coping mechanism.

“How very vain, as usual. Another human being sacrificed again in exchange for our measly lifes.” You’re not the only one tired. Chishiya sounds it too.

“…Did you cheat?” The King of Diamonds sounds exhausted.

You blink, surprised. “How could I have?”

“I’m well aware you’re not alone.” You still. “The Queen of Hearts shared the idea of the Five of Hearts with me. If there’s a shade only you can interact with, cheating would be easy. Did you?”

“It depends on your interpretation, I guess.” You sigh. Of course, with his pressure on fairness, Kuzuryu would loathe the idea of your advantage. “Chishiya has stayed behind me the entire game. He hasn’t looked at anyone else’s ipad even once. But he has been the one making the choices. I’ve mostly just repeated his words, his strategies this game.”

“Why wouldn’t you? It would have made the game trivial.”

“Because it’d bore me.” You tell him honestly. “It’d bore him. The games were too interesting to ruin by the easy way out.” And for a first, you admit. “And it’s so difficult to keep caring about your own life in this world, isn’t it? This place has made me completely desensitised to death.”

“I’m not sure.” Is all Kuzuryu tells you.

The new rule states that if you chose 0, the player choosing 100 wins. It basically makes it a game of roshambo between 0, 1 and 100.

And you can’t lose once.

“What’s the difference between lives?” Kuzuryu asks. “Why does one child get saved, but another won’t? Is it really just up to the media’s discretion?”

“If it were up to me, I’d have ignored both.” Chishiya reacts as if Kuzuryu can hear him. 

“It’s so easy for people to become statistics.” You react, quietly. “For them to become not real. Maybe it’s just that saving the one they can see makes them feel better about the countless they can’t. Maybe they don’t care. Maybe they can’t afford to care.” You pause. “Who would you save?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.” Kuzuryu answers, the pain clear in his voice.

“You want to know the value of a life.” You observe. “Yet just you can’t manage to decide it, can you? Is that why you’re here? Why you try to be so fair? Do you think laying it in the hands of the games will make your pain subside?”

“He’s fascinating.” Chishiya breathes. You can’t help but agree.

“It doesn’t.” You tell him. “It’s naive to think emotions, pain, work like that, however much I wish otherwise. You want to measure the value of a life. By what? The amount of good they do in a life? Their innocence? Their kindness? Their wealth? Status? Everyone values people differently. One person can mean the world to someone while being utter trash to another.”

“You’re being so fussy over being equal, but really, you’re the one who’s trying to put a price on people’s lives.” Chishiya sharp words have less of an edge than usual. For a first, you let it be known that it’s not your own words you’re saying.

Chishiya lets out a low laugh. “He’s interesting.” 

“He is interesting.” You agree. “I want to know what he’ll decide.”

Without warning, you press 100 and turn the screen of the ipad so Kuzuryu can see it.

This smile on your face is real.

“Wha- What are you doing?” You enjoy Kuzuryu’s uncharacteristically flabbergasted expression. 

“What is my life worth?” You ask him. “More than yours? Less? Or are we equal?” And you truly have been played by Chishiya so much that you add: “You decide ~♪”

There is a bead of sweat visible on Kuzuryu’s cheek as he stares at his ipad. 

You hear your name from behind you. Like always, you don’t acknowledge Chishiya’s presence. “I want to know what Kuzuryu will choose.” He admits. “I’d put it on my life with no issue. But not on yours.”

It’s the first time he admits to even caring a sliver about your fate.

You continue to ignore him. He repeats your name. 

Kuzuryu presses his button. You are this round's winner.

Interesting. He did not let the game, the rules, do their job.

“This isn’t my way of doing things. Let's let the game settle the score fairly.”

“I’ll look at his ipad.” Chishiya tries to convince you. And really, you know what that means to him. He actually wants you to live, doesn’t he?

But he’s played a big part of why you’ve become what you are now. “Then kill me.” You show off your ipad, the large 100, to the King of Diamonds. “Is that fair?”

His frown is deeper than the previous round. You intensely watch his expression.

You are this round’s winner.

Huh. You did not actually expect that.

“Was that your objective? You know I’m indecisive. So you used that to your advantage and pulled me down so our scores would tie.”

“Heh. That does sound like something I would do.” You admit. “But no. I don’t care about these games. I just want to know what you’ll choose last.”

This time, Chishiya only says your complete name, softly. You still ignore him, giving Kuzuryu a genuine smile next to the large 100 on your ipad.

It takes Kuzuryu the entire round to decide. At the last seconds, you watch as he presses both of his hands down at once.

Oh.

You might be dead.

But… “So you’ve decided that you can’t place value on a human life.” 

You barely register the voice proclaiming that you’ve won this round.

Won the game.

Instead you’re watching Kuzuryu.

His frown is gone. Instead… “He’s making a face that says he would rather die than live without hope.” You stop ignoring Chishiya and repeat his words.

“I was able to determine how I’m going to live. Thanks to you.”

The acid falls over him with a splash. You stare at it for a long while as the flesh sizzles.

There’s a myriad of emotions in you, and with a start you realise the prominent one is jealousy.

It’s been so long since you kept to your own morals. You can’t remember what it was like.

“We’re not playing anymore games.” Chishiya tells you when you walk back to the apartment. “Let someone else solve them. We could go home.”

Where is home? You hum noncommittedly.

You’re not sure why you’ve taken Chishiya’s gun out of its hiding spot only now, but the cold metal feels almost comforting in your pocket.

You’re wandering around the city the day after your ‘win’, trying to get your head in order. 

The city is truly overtaken by plants now, even Shibuya Crossing being barely recognizable.

It’s there that you spot a familiar figure. Arisu. You remember how considerate he can be of others.

“Hey! Glad to see you’re still alive.” You’re even more glad to realise you mean it.

Maybe your humanity is not completely gone.

“How are Usagi and Tatta healing?”

Arisu relaxes at the sight of you. “Good. At least I think so. None of us are medical professionals. Where’s Kuina?”

“We split up to-” Pain blossoms in your shoulder as the ground comes up to meet you, a loud bang ringing in your ears. 

“Turn around. Let me see the wound.” Chishiya actually sounds concerned. You groan as you do so, Niragi coming into view. “I’m delighted to see you again!” He shouts, pointing his gun.

“You’ll be fine.” Chishiya sounds frustrated as he hovers over you. You realise his hands are attempting to reach you, to examine, to stop the bleeding. “I can’t be sure like this, with your clothes in the way, but he seems to have missed anything vital.”

“You missed anything vital!” You immediately mock Niragi unwisely.

“I ain’t going to end things without some fun. So hurry up and get up! Let’s play!” Niragi shouts.

“Get behind the car.” Chishiya orders you. 

He actually sounds concerned. That’s the only reason you listen.

“Fuck. Why are you always like this, Niragi?” Arisu says frustrated, behind his own car.

“Aren’t we all on the same side?”

Are you? Only yesterday five players died for you to live. Two during the Jack and three during the King. How many more deaths of players are on your hands?

Is Chishiya's?

Niragi suggests a game. A simple shootout between three survivors. You find yourself so very tempted.

It might distract you again. You’ll likely even lose for once.

You have no problem shooting at Niragi.

But the other player would be Arisu.

You remember how sweet he can be. You know how devastated Usagi would be.

You can’t.

Damn it.

Arisu stands up, refusing to play.

Damn it.

Do you still care?

“Arisu?” Your head shoots up at Usagi’s voice.

You’re not sure how she’s not near cover, as clearheaded as she tends to be, but she’s not. She has to scramble backwards to avoid Niragi’s warning shots.

It’s with crystal-clear clarity that you realise the next shot will hit true.

Do you still have your humanity?

You remember Tatta. You remember Kuzuryu.

You desperately want to.

Your shoulder groans as you push yourself off the car, stepping in front of your friend. You’re immediately rewarded by a sharp, all-encompassing pain in your abdomen, much worse than the pain in your shoulder.

You don’t even notice that you fall to the ground.

You can vaguely hear people shouting your name. Chishiya’s face above you is grave.

“That did hit a vital organ.” He tells you quietly. “Without medical professionals and equipment you only have hours.”

“Why did you do that?” Usagi takes off her sling to attempt to use it to stop your bleeding. “You-”

“I just wanted to feel like myself again.” You don’t smile this time, your expression remaining neutral.

Relieved.

“I wanted to know if I was too far gone. I’m happy I’m not.”

There is a very loud sound of something crashing, but your injured mind has trouble placing it. “The King of Spades.” Chishiya fills you in, a calculating look in his eyes. “Now the only game left is the Queen of Hearts.”

“I only have hours left.” You tell the couple honestly. “But I still have a chance.”

“The Queen of Hearts.” Arisu seems decisive. “Usagi, what do you want to do?”

“I want to keep fighting.” She glances back at you. “A few hours. Try to hold on. We’ll clear the final game.”

Chishiya is sitting next to you, crosslegged, his eyes staying sharp on your face.

“What are you waiting for?” You ask him. You hope he won’t, but… It might hurt less if you pretend there’s no chance he won’t.

It was a month and a half ago that Chishiya told you he will die if you die. That he only has to tear his card to prevent that. Eternity in the Borderlands, yet you remember it keenly.

“I’m waiting for fireworks.” He misinterprets your question purposefully.

“‘Shiya.” You don’t let him. “I’m dying. Are you not supposed to..?” Gosh, you can’t even finish your sentence without your voice breaking.

“You’re being a moron.” He harshly tells you. “Have you really not figured it out yet?”

He sighs at your blank stare, gently saying your name. “We’re going home together. To the old world. Or we’re both not making it. I won’t accept any other outcome.”

His words are almost enough to make you forget your pain as it starts to dawn on you what he’s saying. “I thought… you knew. But you never acknowledged it.”

“Of course not. How would I? I don’t know how to do any of this.”

“But you want to?” You want me?

You’ve never seen a soft smile on his lips before. “Yes.”

You blink when fireworks fill the sky, not sure whether you’re imagining it. A familiar voice you hope to never hear again fills the air. “You have been granted the privilege of continuing the death games in Borderland as a citizen with permanent residency. You may accept or reject this offer. It is your choice. Will you take it or leave it?”

You take a deep breath. Chishiya is watching you intently, and you realise with fondness that he’s waiting for you to answer first.

That he’ll repeat whatever you say.

“I don’t want it.” You tell the sky.

“I don’t want it.” Chishiya, for once, repeats you.

The fireworks turn brighter, and brighter, until they take over your entire vision. 

~~~

It’s been two weeks since you woke up in your hospital bed, two weeks since you learned of the catastrophe that hit Tokyo.

Of the meteorite that caused rebar to pierce you.

You were told your heart stopped beating for 61 seconds.

It’s strange, how quickly the abnormal turns normal, as you’re playing chess against a stranger in the hospital’s garden.

From behind you, a familiar voice says: “Knight to C6.” 

You do so out of habit, without acknowledging the source of the voice. Your opponent’s face sours. “Don’t help her, man. You’re ruining my strategy.”

You startle, turning around.

The man behind you has long blond hair, a mole beneath his eyes, a cheshire smirk on his face and is wearing a pristine white jacket. “I’m so sorry.” You tell him. “I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

He seems amused as his eyes roam over you, taking you in, before glancing at your opponent. “If a single move can ruin your strategy, it was going to be ruined anyway.”

He shamelessly helps you win the match after that, seemingly satisfied when your opponent storms off.

You find yourself talking him until you’re tired, which he notices before you, telling you briskly that you should return to your hospital bed.

“My name is Chishiya Shuntaro.” He tells you. “I’ll see you around.”

When you wake up, he’s sitting on the chair next to your bed, flipping through your medical files.

Which should be an enormous red flag. How does he even know your room? Instead you just feel amused. “I’m pretty sure there are laws against going through other’s medical files.” You point out.

He shifts his head to look at you, putting the papers down. “I was checking whether your doctor is doing a poor job.” He tells you, adding as if an afterthought: “I’m a medical student.”

“And? Are they?”

“No. Your doctor is competent enough.” He tilts his head. “What is interesting is that your injuries match mine exactly. Would you mind if I did a physical exam to compare?”

You have to laugh. “Are you flirting?” You’re sure he’s not. But he’s so brazen.

“I’m not.” 

“But I am.” You’re still amused.

He stares at you for very long moments. Moments in which you wonder where your brazenness came from. Then: “Fine. If I take you to some expensive restaurant once we’re both cleared, would you show me?”

It’s months later that you’re sprawled across Chishiya’s bare chest, tenderly tracing the scar on his shoulder with your fingers. You feel elated each time you reach out to find you can actually touch him, as if some part of your brain expects you to be unable. “It is the exact same as mine.” You’re mesmerised.

“We established this a long time ago.” He sounds fond. 

“I think it means we’re meant to be together.” You look up to his face. 

He sighs, but then he looks at your face. “Does it matter?” He asks you. “We’re together. Matching scars is the least of the reasons I want you.”

And what can you do but just genuinely smile?

[spinyspinnn]

What a nap…

Ok, I know that in devildom they didn't have sunlight but… let's just pretend that this takes place in lesson 41 or they went to the human world just for this nap lol

[vennro0]

Toby misses his sister...

[vennro0]

paparazzi || yumeship

(It took me a week to do this!)

[zephyrchama]

[paddyismydj]

My Chemical romance mentioned

[zouzoru-comms-open]

Hey! I do eye banner Comms!

[guillotinna]

🙏🙏🙏

[kawaiiibunnii]

me when I'm gooning and then all of a sudden EVERYONE in the world wants to message and talk to me:

[i-luv-your-mom]

I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY I NEED THAT WHITE BOY

[kawaiiibunnii]

I'm so chronically online, to the point where I would deadass still read fanfiction and doom scroll on tiktok, even if I found out the world was ending tomorrow. 😭 like instead of spending my last day on earth doing something productive, I would be on the Internet LOLOLOL.

[rottnrbbn]

idk why some people in the Creepypasta fandom are so fucking obsessed with making the characters pedophiles, rapists, and even writing INCEST about the characters. I keep seeing blogs that write about incest between the Creepypastas, I understand the point of writing is to express yourself and what you like but it is absolutely disgusting to see those kind of fics.

and I know some people are going to be like “don’t like dont read” and I get that but that shouldn’t excuse the incest and pedophile fanfics. I 100% believe that what you write shows how you think and feel about certain stuff—so seeing people write those kind of fanfictions is absolutely fucking disgusting and you should be disgusted with yourself, because why are you so drawn to writing incest? There is so no reason for you to be writing about incest between characters (I just saw a blog that is called the-woodcest-guy and he writes NSFW INCEST ABOUT JEFF AND LIU, I blocked him)

it’s also especially worse when people write characters that ARENT related to be related in order to write incest fanfics. For example, dad Tim wright and son Tobias Rodgers, I SAW A DRABBLE WITH THIS! And it is absolutely disgusting and you’re disgusting.

[nevvn]

guys i miss him