basil

dont follow me man you dont know me man

[immangojuice]

h3ellloooo vent account

i was just using main as a vent blog but i will try my darndest to keep it over here now

yippeee

vent of @mangoflavouredjuice

GOOOO AWWAAYYYYY IRLS NOT FOR YOU

[immangojuice]

is it mean to not want to be friends with someone

[immangojuice]

"minor eating disorder, non-issue, in remission" meanwhile i have more control over whether i eat than abusing substances. ok ty nhs👍👍

[mangoflavouredjuice]

it is so hard to speak to people when every message from them is so long it takes up my whole fucking screen like do you understand how daunting that is ?????????????????

[immangojuice]

i think ive developed some form of avoidant anxiety esp in social contexts and its horrible

like im not a big talker at the best of times, my messaging is patchy on a good day. but i have peoplw that ive been stressed out by and then set their message aside in my brain for later, who then dm asking if we're even friends and telling me im "leaving [them] guessing" which just sucks for me because like. maybe im just not in the mood for a chat rn 😭

(note: person quoted had never brought this up before)

maybe i secretly have way less friends than i thought idk. loose definition but i basically figured everyone i can wave at in a corridoor knowing theyll wave back; or has a decent chance of hanging out together if either party asked; or had thought about me in their life, is a friend, but if constant upkeep is a requirement then that is stressful and i have essentially nobody

i dont WANT to reply to you(quoted) because you STRESS me OUT man ????? seeing me wandering around all sad and such and instead of asking in person "hey you okay?:)" sending me a page of messages followed by an accusation of ignorance is STRESSFUL and to anyone else ive made feel this way i am sorry but if we cant be friends without me replying to every single message then we cannot be friends at all

[immangojuice]

genuine chance i domt get to hang out with one of my favourite people ever again and this bitch upset as heeelllllll

[immangojuice]

i dont want to talk to anyone. i dont want to be seen, or perceived. i dont want my actions to have meaning nor consequence. i just want to love. i dont need it back. i just want to love my friends, my family. the people that deserve it, everybody on this earth and beyond deserves it, and i want them to feel love. i dont need it back. i just want you to feel loved. i want you to be happy. i dont need it back. i want you to sleep well. i dont need it back. i want you to eat well. i dont need it back. i wsnt you to live your life with those you love, and those who love you. i dont need it back. i love you. i love you.

[immangojuice]

i miss everione but trhey hate me i think if i ask ti hang out they will go ew no or even worse 😬😬suuure... and then inwill KILL myself idk idk

[immangojuice]

it gets to a point

[immangojuice]

i HAVE a razor on me and tbh i really want to cut mydself but i.m on a train. mayeb i just need to get homr and go to bed but i would like it very muxh i think

[immangojuice]

the main thing that stops me from self harming the most often is quite honestly just how comfortable.i am. the risk/reward does not work out because cons: exposed arm, cold, clean up and pros: self harm

i feel so lazy but what the fuck ever im comfy sorry

[immangojuice]

i HAVE a razor on me and tbh i really want to cut mydself but i.m on a train. mayeb i just need to get homr and go to bed but i would like it very muxh i think

[immangojuice]

all of my food intake currently either consists of a wild amount of sugar and calories or something youd expect to find in a 5 year olds lunchbox and at the moment i am so sedentary in lifestyle that none of it is going anywhere i cant even be fucked to throw up any more i just feel like a fat fucking cunt i should be murdered in the street

[immangojuice]

all i do these days is sleep until 3pm eat some bullshit and lie

[immangojuice]

so many thoughts about myself today and theyre all negative and i cant even figure out the right way to write them down right great cheers basil

[immangojuice]

i shouldnt have deleted the song you wrote, i just wanted to hear your voice

[immangojuice]

ive run through my happy happy yay yay chemicals time to be sad and cut my arms

[immangojuice]

everything i do seems to have come from you, not to say "i wasnt anything / anyone before you" but if we hadnt met who the fuck would i be???

[immangojuice]

you wouldve liked this song