[This is a response to some BAB/Xie Qingcheng discourse on Twitter that I'm linking to there.]
where I’m coming from as someone who was wrong because I was hater
First off, I have to say the reason I kind of understand where the Xqc hater is coming from is because I, too, very very very badly misunderstood He Yu and HeXie the first time I read it.* By chapter 65, I was so blinded by my dislike of He Yu that I interpreted everything he did after in the worst way. So that’s where I’m coming from in some of what I say below. Anyway, I actually read very little of what the Xqc hater said because it was upsetting to me, so I’m not defending any of whatever they said, just saying that I understand what it feels like to be wrong because of being blinded by dislike for a character.
* (I don’t want to get too much into the specifics because people have been judgy about my misinterpretations in the past but I think why I read it so incorrectly was a mix of 1) extreme bias against He Yu after he became a violent rapist [which meant misinterpreting his actions and intentions afterwards], 2) poor MTL made it much harder to understand the emotions being expressed, and 3) accidentally reading censored BAB for 95–160 or so and thus completely missing New Years sex AND all the birthday sex, which was extremely important for their relationship development.)
discrepancy in intention vs impact in early HeXie relationship
I think one thing that is relevant to this discussion is that the harm Xie Qingcheng inflicts is much much lower than the harm He Yu receives. What Xie Qingcheng does hits He Yu much harder than it would a less vulnerable person.
To me, who is biased towards Xie Qingcheng’s point of view, the intention matters more than the impact. It seems clear he was right to keep his relationship strictly professional and treat He Yu as just a patient. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care—he is genuine in his compassion for He Yu and fights on his behalf and tries to get him to build bridges to society/other people so he’s not defeated by his illness. But in the end it is just a job. I think this is a completely reasonable thing for him to say:
He Jiwei: To him, you’re different, Doctor Xie…
Xie Qingcheng: But to me, he’s the same as any other patient. There’s no difference whatsoever. [chapter 46]
But to someone who is biased towards He Yu’s point of view, I think impact matters more than intention. Young He Yu needed a close relationship with Xie Qingcheng, but from his point of view, Xie Qingcheng deliberately lied to him, genuinely feared and reviled him, and cold-heartedly abandoned him. For He Yu (and perhaps for some people who kin him and emotionally connect with his perspective), what Xie Qingcheng did seems many orders of magnitude more heinous than it actually was.
Anyway, none of that was morally equivalent to or deserving of rape. In summary, I think Xie Qingcheng says it best:
“Even if I didn’t do everything right, even if I didn’t want to take the risk and continue being a doctor, even if I let down my teachers and was disdained, cast aside, and looked down upon by my former colleagues…I didn’t deserve to be tortured like this by you. I may not have handled everything perfectly, and I may have made you resent me, but when I was treating you, I never did anything that I truly need to apologize for.” [chapter 55]
why the Xqc haters are wrong – a defense of Xie Qingcheng’s intentions
Nearly everything that Xie Qingcheng does, he does with good intentions. He does hurt people, but when he does so, he does it to prevent them from being hurt in a worse way, and it almost always is a selfless act that results in himself being hurt as well. We see this multiple times:
Speaking badly of mentally ill people and Qin Ciyan, which destroyed his reputation and hurt those who believed in him (including He Yu) — but it resulted in better working conditions for other doctors. (chapter 43 & 95)
Pushing He Yu away and telling him he didn’t love him, even though it badly hurt both of them — but he thought it would have protected He Yu from being hurt worse if he lost his beloved after getting even more attached. (chapter 159+)
I didn’t want to read more of what the Xqc hater had to say but it seemed like by “breaking his Hippocratic oath” and “gaslighting He Yu” they might have been referring to Xie Qingcheng not telling He Yu that his Xie Xue wasn’t real. But I don’t think this was breaking his Hippocratic oath. There was no good, clear way to handle this situation. As Xie Qingcheng says himself:
“I can’t tell him about this, since the shock would be too much. […] Xie Xue shouldn’t be the person on whom he develops an emotional dependence. Neither of us should be, Executive He. Sooner or later, we’ll have to leave.” (47)
He Yu wouldn’t have been able to handle learning the truth, so gently easing him away from his relationship with Xie Xue while supporting relationships with his parents and peers seemed to be the best option.
Xie Qingcheng leaving his job and not sharing his reasons for doing so was also not breaking his Hippocratic oath in any way. Not only was it totally fine to keep the reasons to himself, but it was also a call he made to avoid hurting He Yu more than necessary:
“I plan to tell him that the contract was originally set for seven years. This will make him feel better. […] For him, this is the kindest lie.” (chapter 46)
why the Xqc haters are wrong – the limits of Xie Qingcheng’s relationship as a doctor
What young He Yu truly needed was a close relationship with someone and someone who cared about him, which he wasn’t able to find with his parents, with his peers who couldn’t understand him, etc. He needed that rela=hip with Xie Qingcheng, and it would’ve been very helpful for him to have Xie Qingcheng as a mentor (the way Qin Ciyan was for Xie Qingcheng). HOWEVER. As a doctor, it’s not only unnecessary but also often inappropriate to have too intimate a relationship with a patient. Encouraging He Yu to seek such a relationship with others was the best Xie Qingcheng could do.
He Yu also would’ve benefited from knowing he wasn’t alone and having another psychological Ebola patient as a role model, but regardless of his relationship with He Yu (mentor OR doctor), he wouldn’t have been able to tell him because it was too dangerous to share the secret anyway.
being a hater means misinterpreting a character’s intentions
Anyway, I can honestly relate to misinterpreting the intent behind the actions of a character one is biased against (like the Xqc hater did with some of the events above).
For me, a He Yu hater, this meant that on my first read I thought what He Yu did during their forced dating arc was because he was a possessive psychopath bent on hurting Xie Qingcheng. On a reread it is obvious that I was very wrong—He Yu is, unbeknownst to himself, in love with Xie Qingcheng. He doesn't really want to hurt Xie Qingcheng, he straight up just wants Xie Qingcheng to care about him, but because of where he is emotionally, he can only express his yearning for being cared about as “you wronged me, and you owe me.”
So, the same way I was mistaking doomed yearning for psychopathic possessiveness, I could see someone mistaking Xie Qingcheng’s selfless yet harmful acts as having much more malicious intent than they actually did, or at the very least a callous disregard for He Yu’s feelings and an utter lack of empathy.
