Will you stay for dinner?

I should be impossible - but you can tell that to my parents. They should have a thing or two to say about that. My name is Hannibal Lecter. Tell me, would you like to stay for dinner? This is a crack!AU of Hannibal Lecter from NBC's Hannibal wherein he is the son of Oswin Oswald and Mister Clever, the Cyberplanner. Crossover + OC friendly. Mun and muse are of age so it's free game for all. Read the about page for all headcanons. Have fun and run. Run, you clever blogs. And remember, nothing here is vegetarian Also yes, the soufflés are people.

[pxndiest-blog]

"So where are we going? A nice restaurant, I suppose.." Amelia said as they walked, her hand still gripped by his, she didn’t mattered. 

Amy and Hannibal walked towards his flat, without her to notice, although Amelia would be so mad when she find out, she didn’t like to go to people’s houses in their first ‘date’, or whatever  this was.

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

"I'm afraid not. I am quite particular about what I let into my body, Miss Pond," he replied, taking her hand and pressing it up to his lips. He tilted his head in a practised motion with downcast eyes.

"I can assure you, however, I am quite an accomplished chef and I do believe we have settled that I am anything but discourteous. I welcome you into my home for dinner and it is completely in your jurisdiction to dictate what or what does not go into you." They reached the building, holding out the door open for her. Whether she decided to come through or not - knowing full well where she was going - was entirely up to her. They were still playing the game, after all.

[hishuman-daughter]

elianaoswald: oh god if someone tried to hurt julia i can just imagine hanni cutting them open and serving them to her with some wine on the side help me i’m feeLING

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

"--You were talking about me?"

[hishuman-daughter]

He took a step towards her and she froze. Her mind was racing, as his lips met her hands she blushed. He was a gentlemen something she truly appreciated. As he held her hands she lazily laced their fingers together.

His smile gave her butterflies, or what felt more like circus clowns rolling around in her stomach. “Why thank you, Hannibal" she nodded grazing her thumb haphazardly over his knuckles. She liked how it felt to be close to him and didn’t understand why. She had only just met him and she was already won over. 

When he mentioned that he would be right back she nodded. “Okay, yeah, thank you" she respected his privacy and once he had walked downstairs she found herself a place on his couch. A happy sigh left her lips “he’s perfect" she mumbled to herself. As she waited for him to come back Julia occupied herself with her phone as she decided it was best, as a good first impression to not snoop around his home.

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

It wasn't that Hannibal was racing to get back to the young woman upstairs as he picked all along his personal favourite bottles. It wasn't that he was picking through his ripest collection - all across time and space and dimensions and parallel universes - just for this one ordinary human girl. It wasn't because he was entranced by her charm - just  by a slight. It was just good manners, is all. He didn't want to keep her waiting is all. Despite everything else being true.

When he got back up, a bottle in his hands, he looked around for anything that might suffice as a decent starter - something that she could at least nibble on while he did his work. And it could be a while, knowing his eccentricities with food. His mother had set him up on a date with this young lady and he was certain that Oswin spoke highly of his skill and his manners to bring any young lady over to meet him. He will not be the downfall of his mother's word and reputation. Clever did enough of that on his own.

When he got back to her, he expertly handled a silver tray with a platter of biscuits and a gravyboat. With the other hand, he had the bottle that he had barreled and fermented himself. His very own special brew that he'd spiced so many years ago - thanks to the existence of the Vortex Manipulator, he didn't particularly have to wait very long. "I must apologise but this is all that is presentable at the moment. I do hope I'm not a disappointment to what you might have expected of me." The presentation of the food was, of course, impeccable. The wine didn't even have a label on the bottle but it was of his finest batch. "I'm afraid dinner will take quite a bit longer. You may peruse any of the books and periodicals from the small sitting room we have just here, if you'd like. My mother also has the house laced with the fastest wifi known to man, if you're feeling restless. Is there anything I can do to make your wait more comfortable?"

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

ooc:

He's baaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

I'll be working on drafts in a minute.

HANNI BABY BOY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH <3

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

ooc: 

[cackles into the night]

[cybercleverdoctor]

AU Domestic!Clever || OPEN

[cybercleverdoctor]

Mister Clever’s eyes tracked Hanni’s movement through the dinning room and into the kitchen. He watched as Hanni opened the fridge and put away god knows who’s organs.

"I made proper food, yes. I do know how. And I’m quite good at it. Luckily for you, your culinary aptitude didn’t come from your mother. Woman can’t even make a decent souffle." He picked up his wine glass and brought it to his lips. His eyes scanned Hannibal. Scowling he said “Your hands are filthy. Go wash up."

He set his wine glass back down and picked up his knife and fork. “It wouldn’t kill you to let me know you were going to be late. Dinner is cold. And that’s on you." He placed a small bit of ham in his mouth, his mind thinking only of how good it would’ve been hot.

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

Hannibal's head snapped back at his father the moment he made a jibe against his mother. So he brushed his hands at his trousers and made a move to completely avoid the other man. "You could know the theories of the art, yes, but I highly doubt the aptitude for anything that requires taste of any sort made it to your upgrade, father-" he said the word spitefully, though his tone never lost that unnerving edge of politeness. "-so I'll have to decline. Starvation seems amply more enjoyable than food poisoning."

He had plucked a bright red apple from a nearby basket and bit into it. It was nice and sweet - it would serve was sustenance for until he could come back to the kitchen and make some real, edible, decent food. "Unlike you, I am quite particular about what I put into my body. Enjoy your supper alone." And with that, he made a move to go upstairs to his room. He was sure he had leftovers stacked away somewhere.

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

ooc: HANNI HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS

HE LIKES THE SEXY

BUT NOT SURE IF HE'S OEDIPUS ENOUGH TO DO THE SEXY

WITH LADY WHO LOOKS LIKE MUM

HELP

[thehackerwhocan-blog]

OOC: It’s all very… Oedipus. I swear. 

Killing your father, having er… very close ties with mummy.

Marrying will never happen. Like ever though. Hanni is too savvy for that to like… actually happen

Thank god. 

MUN APPROVES. YOU TWO GO MAKE CUTE BABIES… BUT NOT TOO SOON. 

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

........ HANNIBAL

WITH

KIDS??????????

HANNIBAL HAVING CHILDREN???????????????

BRITT DID YOU JUST GIVE ME AN IDEA?????????????????

[thehackerwhocan-blog]

OOC: So apparently Britt has good shipping instincts…..

Because Hanlia is totally a thing. 

Headcanon: Oswin came into the shop one day and met Julia.  Thought she was a total sweetheart, but could also handle her son’s… oddities and so invited her for dinner. 

She got really strict and really pushed for the no-human thing… BECAUSE HANNI HONEY MUMMY FOUND YOU SOMEONE REALLY NICE. AND FOR ONCE MUMMY DOESN’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HER AT ALL. THIS IS A GOOD THING. So can you please stop trying to seduce your  AND MAYBE SHE’LL MAKE YOU REALLY HAPPY. AND STOP THIS WHOLE CONSIDERING KILLING DADDY’S COUNTERPART SO YOU CAN STOP BEING BORN. Shhh Oswin honey I don’t think you’re supposed to know that

So yeah…. Oswin!muse is very pleased with her matchmaking skills right. BECAUSE SHE HAS GOOD INSTINCTS SOMETIMES. 

Oh lordy. That will be a fun Christmas dinner. 

[cybercleverdoctor]

"KILLING DADDY’S COUNTERPART"

"KILLING DADDY’S COUNTERPART"

"KILLING DADDY’S COUNTERPART"

((ooc: Am I missing something? O.O Clever is suspicious))

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

OKAY OKAY HANNI'S MUN EXPLAINS~

Headcanon: Ever since what happened to Mischa, Hannibal hates himself and blames himself for everything. So whenever he messes around with the Vortex Manipulator he had stolen and he meets his dad earlier in the Doctor's timestream, Hannibal wants to kill him so he'll never have been born and Mischa wouldn't have happened.

But the Docta always manages to get away. Every single time.

So yes, Hanni's quite obsessed with killing his dad pre-Clever because he doesn't want to exist. Welp.

Also, Hanlia 5EVER <3

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

ooc:

while in the shower, i thought of hanni's theme song

also hanlia theme song because reasons

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

((GODDAMNIT JONNAH WHY IS HANNI BEING SO CUTE HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE HE'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE FOOD OUT OF PEOPLE

WHO SAID THAT THE TWO WERE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE THINGS EXCUSE YOU

[hishuman-daughter]

  A smile rested on Julia’s lips as she couldn’t help but nod at his offer “wine would be nice, please." She had never met someone as proper as him and she was intrigued nonetheless. For the first time in a really long time she was nervous, nervous this boy wouldn’t like her. After a moment of silence Julia spoke again “I’ve never really done the whole…’dating’ thing before so I apologize if I’m awful at it" she confessed. Mentally slapping herself realizing how dumb she sounded “but I’d like to with you" she tried to cover up only embarrassing herself even more. “Only if you want" she finished. “Sorry, when I’m nervous…I tend to ramble" she bit her lip looking down at her hands once more.

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

Oh, he liked her. Not that he was easily swayed by a pretty face, because he wasn't. But he liked her - simply because of this insouciance about her. Something in him that was lost long ago, perhaps something that he could still have had if he hadn't been so damn curious. Still, he liked her well enough. She didn't throw herself at his feet on a silver platter - that, he could not stand. It was unbecoming, he believed. This young woman was dignified, at least.

He could not help but feel charmed with her (there was no other word for it, really) awkwardness about her. Perhaps his mother knew best after all. He'd give this girl a chance. He always gave them a chance. He took a step closer to her and tilted her chin up with a finger. Hannibal then took her fumbling hands and kissed them both in turn. A bit forward, yes - but he would have guessed she would have been the kind of young woman who would appreciate the gesture.

"It's quite alright," he told her, smiling a learned smile he knew from his mother. That smile he knew she had when she was trying to be seductive - and Oswin usually succeeded. So did he. "It would be a pleasure to have you over." Either for just dinner or for dessert was yet to be established. "I'll just be a moment. Feel free to make yourself at home and take a seat, I'll just be at the wine cellar. Also, it would not be advisable to wander off."

[pxndiest-blog]

This is why Amy is not going to go to eat at his place.

[love-for-sweets]

[hishuman-daughter]

"Oh, early? That’s a new one for me" she smiled before looking down at her hands. “I can come back? If you’d rather that?" She had never been nervous around a boy before, or anyone for that matter but Hannibal brought it out of her. “And yes, her exact words were ‘my boy needs a girl like you. Come over’ and so…here I am?"

Julia didn’t know what was different about him, but she liked it. She couldn’t help but bite the inside of her lip and play with her hands as she look on towards him. He was cute, cuter than she expected. Julia would have to give his mother a proper thank you, a free dress or something along those lines.

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

"I would not be so rude as that," he replied. And at her words, he knew exactly what his mother intended for this girl to be. A blind date. Really? Again? He must have a few words with his mother after this - but this woman was a guest under his home, a guest protected by the invitation of his mother. He could not touch her. At least... not like that. At least not yet. "Then you are most welcome. I could pour you a glass of wine, if you'd so care to wait while I prepare our dinner? I do beg your indulgence as it might take a while."

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

ooc: sorry, my loves. hanni's had to take a back seat today because clara got an m!a.

replies tomorrow. maybe. probably. we'll see. <3

you know the drill, message me if you want a starter~

[hishuman-daughter]

“Yeah, she came into my mum’s shop once…asked me to come here for dinner…said she wanted me to meet her son. I presume that’s you?” 

[impossiblecleverlecter-blog]

"At your service, m'lady," he said, giving her a small bow. "But I'm afraid you're rather early. I haven't even started on making dinner." Hannibal then shook his head, a passing confusion over his eyes. "I beg your pardon but did you say she wanted you to meet me?" 

Did his mother want this girl for dinner? Oswin Oswald couldn't possibly be mad enough to try and set him up again. Not after what happened the last time. The girl did make quite a hearty quiche but this girl - Julia, she said her name was - would be a downright shame to just be a one course meal.