iJuggs

Juggler, Writer, Philosopher, Occasional Crazy Person, and Professional Beard Owner

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The Snowball Effect – Impractical Juggler – Medium

Back in middle school, I was an avid reader. Being one of the only means to assuage the loneliness of being an awkward preteen, I plowed…

Don’t discredit the effect of a single choice on our lives!

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Dopamine And Video Game Addiction – Impractical Juggler – Medium

Growing up, I played a lot of video games. I received my first gaming system, a SNES, when I was five years old. It was given to me while…

Video games turn you into meth zombies, or something. I wasn't really paying attention because my dopamine reward systems are broken.

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Win More To Win More – Impractical Juggler – Medium

We all have dreams and aspirations. Whatever form they take, our highest desires will always take time and effort to reach. This should…

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Random Poetry Dump 1 – Impractical Juggler – Medium

Waves

Some emotions put to words

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On Kavanaugh and Ford, Sexual Assault, and Healing – Impractical Juggler – Medium

TW: rape & sexual abuse

I feel gross just writing about this

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Step Into My Memory Palace – Impractical Juggler – Medium

If you’re like me, you have trouble remembering things from time to time, or if you are a lot like me, pretty much all the time. I cannot…

I had something I wanted to say about this, but I forgot what it was...

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Trust Your Intuition – Impractical Juggler – Medium

As human beings, we exist in a world of our own creation. Everything we know is manifested in our nervous system. Functionally a complex…

Learn to listen to the voices that aren’t in your head

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First time filming+editing a juggling video myself, so I know it could use some work, but I'm enjoying my progress at three years of juggling.

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How do I gay?

You know that feeling when you spaghetti so hard you tear a hole in the space time continuum and you don't know if you should try to reach out and try to correct it or if you've reached levels of autism never before achieved on this plane of existence and you've doomed yourself to never have friends again?

Well, my one friend, arguably my only actual friend, has been super nice to me. He and his roommates even set up a game of munchkin to enable a series of events that let them "argue" about gender for a bit and make me feel really comfortable expressing myself in front of them.

I think I fucked things up, because after doing some really nice things for me, like things I've never experienced from anyone except people I was dating, I felt compelled to reach out and thank him with a letter. Well, I sent it to him and I haven't heard anything back. I joked a bit in the letter, but nothing more than what I've already written about in a story series I was hired to write for his band. He and his roommates all make really flamboyant jokes and seem to flirt with each other, but maybe I'm just retarded. It would not be the first time I've fucked up in epic proportions.

I barely know how to socialize, let alone gay. I have a crippling fear of rejection due to abandonment issues revolving my mother's death. I've never felt comfortable reaching out to someone and telling them how I feel when it comes to being attracted to them or feeling for them. I feel horrible right now because I don't know if I ruined our friendship or what.

I feel so alone; trapped in my head while the world passes by me. I want to scream. I don't know how to talk to guys or attract them to me. I'm just starting my journey to becoming a woman, so I'm still presenting as a guy. How do I do this?

Also, how would I fix this with my friend if I did step over a boundary? How do I recognize boundaries when my brain don't work right to tell me what is or isn't appropriate?

[positively-queer]

Reblog if you support all trans people

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Automatic response protocols

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Ghostly Fetters

A clear sky is blue

But what clouds will do

Stain the heavens

Rain comes from seven

Scars on the arm

Marred is my charm

No second look

Worse than a crook

Seen as a freak

Have to be meek

Otherwise worse

This mental curse

Trapped in my brain

Completely insane

Alone and afraid

Can’t get paid

Unable to function

Stuck at this junction

Feel subhuman

Want to be a woman

Then I’ll get attention

Won’t even mention

Won’t hate my body

Perhaps still be shoddy

But better than this

Someone would kiss

Take advantage

That I could manage

Have to be a machine

To wake from this dream

Pushing forwards every day

Be lazy; I will pay

Was once a slave

Happier that way

At least not drowning

Constantly frowning

When I had a master

Wasn’t a disaster

Someone was there

Even if they didn’t care

A body is better

Than ghostly fetters

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Fuck fear. Fuck it harder than I want to be fucked in the ass. (Which is really hard, btw)

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So close!

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Today started with me going for a run, showering then making eggs. As I waited on the sizzling onions, I looked through my curiosity app and found a test on empathy. I scored low, because I’m pretty sure I got them butt patties (ASD). I felt kinda bad because I didn’t feel human, but then my stepmom comes in and asks if my dad woke me up with his door slamming. I said I didn;t and asked what’s up. She began tearing up and telling me about how my dad was...well..my dad that morning (narcissist, possible psychopath). We proceeded to talk for most of the morning and bonded. I feel a lot better about my test results. I may not be the most sociable person, but I know I can still be a friend and caring person.

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This is the aftermath of a hate crime, and the beginning of nuclear levels of gay being unleashed onto this world.

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Man I love going out in 2018 and getting sucker punched and called a faggot

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Rebirth and Awakening from LSD – Impractical Juggler – Medium

Recently, I took four hits of LSD. The experience was more than I could possibly put into words. It was easily one of the most…

Part of my transformation into a woman