i'm one of the dorks

Your writer wannabe

[imsoadorkable]

BIRTHDAYS

It has been 30 years since breath first touch my lungs.

But here I am, just like the past few years since I reached puberty, waiting for messages at 12 midnight.

It used to excite me a lot. To see who’ll remember.

To see messages flood my phone.

But now, I’ve been dreading it.

To see the clock strike twelve.

Maybe I’m afraid to be alone.

To be forgotten.

Slowly, I received messages from friends and family.

But then, I didn’t get yours unlike the past years.

I felt this gut wrenching feeling.

I felt my chest tightening.

It felt hard to breathe.

I am suffocating.

Tears filled my eyes, and just like the other days behind, I held it back.

Just like how I want to look at you on some good days of my life but held back.

Just like how I want to hug you on some bad days of my life but held back.

Today of all days, I realized that every birthdays were only bearable because you were here.

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[imsoadorkable]

I guess that's the thing, it hurts until it doesn't.

[imsoadorkable]

Please, please, please, do better next year, Nik.

[frachella]

[imsoadorkable]

Can I just say? I know you meant well by talking to me and like be inspirational and stuff. But, harsh words don't work on me. It didn't motivate me at all. It made me feel more bad about myself because these harsh words came from someone who "made it". The moment you told me "batugan" my breath hitched and my eyes pooled with tears. You weren't able to push me, you just made me sad for the whole day.

[imsoadorkable]

Oh how I wish I started young.

In more ways than one.

There would be times I badly want to turn back time.

Take the tests my profession's requiring me. So I would always have a fall back.

Oh how I wish I started young.

Learning to love myself despite the flaws.

Look at the mirror and tell myself, "You can do this. You're beautiful. You are loved."

Oh how I wish I started young.

Mingle with friends and make memories. Outside this four corner box I'm in.

Sand in my feet. Breathe in some salty air. Sunburnt. The life.

Learn to forget that I'm just trying to make ends meet once in a while.

Oh how I wish I started young.

Meet new people and express myself. Maybe somewhere in the way i'll meet a person who would always understand. Who would lose his patience but would still hug me tight.

Oh how I badly wish I started young.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

– Audrey Hepburn

[imsoadorkable]

I often tell my mom how I can't focus on everything at once. How I needed to focus on this specific task first and once I'm done, that's the only time I can move on to another task again.

What a fucking liar.

To be completely honest, I can't focus on anything.

I'm sad. And I feel lethargic. I feel alone. And stressed. Like all the time. I smile and still the talkative me but when I'm by myself, I feel suffocated. Thousands of things are going through my mind.

The more I want to focus on something, the more that I can't.

Send help.

[imsoadorkable]

Ever felt like you've always been left behind?

In a school discussion. Gadgets. A loved one. Career?

To be frank, I'm never the kind to be jealous of one's success. Never that kind of girl. However, now I'm in my late twenties. And it's kind of getting to me. I'm not sure where to go. Or even where I went. I feel lost. I'm not sure of what to do. I'm not sure what step to take. I kind of wish I can get back to my past. Undo some mistakes. Like do something for myself.

[fhq-9]

I can care about you and still cut you off and I can miss you and never talk to you again.

[imsoadorkable]

i used to have so much hope

[imsoadorkable]

y am i even so mad at everyone 🙁🙁🙁

[imsoadorkable]

Every night you dream that you talk to a genie, when you wake up you can't remember what you wished for. One morning you wake up with a giant crab pincer replacing your right arm.

and it clicked. I instantly knew what I asked for.

"I wish I could cut ties with you with my fingers"

[mou-comics]

[imsoadorkable]

You tend to burn bridges.