Steven Spielbergâs Leaked Whole Foods Cover Letter
Dear Whole Foods Hiring Manager,
I am writing to express interest in the Cake Decorator position at your Union Square location in New York. I was attracted to this posting, because of my prior experience directing the films Jaws, Jurassic Park, and Raiders of the Lost Ark-- among others. I would love nothing more than for you to allow me to bring my expertise and knowledge of film directing to the decorative pastry department at Whole Foods.
As a film director, my daily routine includes creative thinking, collaborating and yelling âCut!â at famous movie actors, such as Tom Hanks and Drew Barrymore. It would be my absolute pleasure, to have the chance to yell âCut!â in your bakery, every time a cake needs to be sliced!
My proven ability to work as a team player, meet deadlines and win multiple Best Director Academy Awards have contributed to my success in the Hollywood film industry--and thus--prepared me to transition into providing courteous and efficient customer service, as well as to create appealing designs on specialty baked goods. See my filmography for examples, but might I recommend Hook.
While Iâm very proud of these successes, I must admit that my true passion is in creating baked goods. Sure, Iâve seen my name on the silver screen dozens of times and been to more Oscar parties than I can count, but Iâve never looked someone in the eye whoâs just eaten a piece of my chocolate mousse cheesecake and heard them say âYum!â
It is my dream--that one day--my mini cannolis receive the standing ovation that Catch Me If You Can once demanded, that my chocolate chip cookies garner the same love and adoration as E.T. and for my carrot cake to invoke the emotion of Saving Private Ryan.
Not to mention, Iâm sure once the word gets out that famous director Steven Spielberg is baking the delicious baked goods in your bakery, people are sure to stop in and try to get a picture, or least an autograph. Which is why Iâve come up with a system, where customers must purchase something to interact with me. It would look something like this:
1 picture=50 Small Lemon Tarts, 1 autograph=2 Dozen Cupcakes , 1 kiss=25 Birthday Cakes.
I truly hope you will consider me for this position, as I am very eager to get in there and join the rest of your talented baking staff! My availability is Monday-Friday, open to close. I look forward to hearing back from you and have a great day.
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