Incorrect Adventures in Odyssey Quotes

"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" -John Avery Whittaker

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Bart: Hey I've got an idea for improving the town.

Bernard: You're moving?

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Connie: Penny, for half an hour you've been decorating this house and humming Jingle Bells and yelling 'hey!' Now why do you do that? Penny: Because it's too hard to hum the 'hey' part.

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Richard Maxwell: It's against my moral code! Jack: Oh, your morals are not up to code.

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Alex: I'm a digital addict. I diagnosed myself online.

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Bridget: What is wrong with you? Jules: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition to anxiety and depression.

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Connie: Don't you dare call me irrational! You know that makes me crazy.

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Jillian: You've been seeing a man? Connie: Only when I close my eyes and concentrate.

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Sarah: Excuse me, Liz, but I've got news for you. Copernicus called and you are NOT the centre of the universe.

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Jules: This is the fifth time my mother has called today, I really should pick this up. Bridget: You know what? You should not pick this up, cuz the last thing you need right now is a conversation with a pathological narcissist! Jules: Okay, you don't know her, and if I don't answer, she's gonna keep calling me. She's like a stalker I used to live inside of.

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Connie: As John Paul Sartre said, we are our choices, and Jillian's choices are nuts - I mean, she's seriously bonker-balls! Professor: Connie, we don't use terms like that in abnormal psychology. Connie: I'm sorry, "bonker-balls" isn't in the DSM-5 yet?

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Jillian: Jason, it's Jillian. Listen, I don't know if I'm gonna make it to work today. Jason: Oh, why? Jillian: I'm just not feeling well. Jason: Oh, really? What is it? Jillian: Umm, my ovaries are eking out into my Fallopian tubes and they're wrapped around... Jason: Okay, we'll see you when you're feeling better. [Jason hangs up] Jillian: Wow, men are stupid.

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Connie: You're a good listener. Eugene: Hmmm? Connie: Exactly.

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Connie: I thought you liked Jillian Jason: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Jillian is like the sun.

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Jack: Do you want me to answer as a friend or as a therapist? Jason: As a friend. Jack: See a therapist.

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Connie: Look, I know that from the outside, it seems like I have everything together. Katrina: No, not really.

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Marvin: Jared, you... you move like a wounded polar bear, buddy. I... I'm sorry Jared: Yeah, I get it. I can't dance 'cause I'm white. Marvin: That's not what I'm saying. Jared: Yes, it is. Polar bears are white. I'm white and you're racist.

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Connie: You're right Bernard Bernard: Of course I am! You think I got this old by being stupid?