hiatus

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Wymack: What. Did. You. Do.

Neil: Okay, but you can’t get mad at me.

Wymack: WHAT did you DO?!

Neil: Okay. First, I was minding my own business—

Wymack, slamming his hand on the table: BULLSHIT!

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Matt, teaching Dan how to drive: Okay, you're driving, and Renee and Andrew walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Dan: Oh, definitely, Andrew. I could never hurt Renee.

Matt, massaging his temples: The brakes, Dan! You hit the brakes!

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Riko: Do I look nice?

Kevin: You look like you're about to set someone on fire.

Riko: Perfect.

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Andrew: You look like someone who will create lots of problems for me.

Neil:

Andrew: I’m kinda into that.

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Neil: Abby said I'm perfectly fine. Except for this burn scar. And this broken rib... which is right next to two other broken ribs...

Wymack: Did she clear you or not?

Neil: She did not! Let's get to work!

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Renee: Oh, to be a little goose and wreak absolute havoc.

Allison: You can wreak absolute havoc as a human too, if you're rowdy enough.

Renee: But as a goose, I would never feel remorse.

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Nicky: Well, you can spend the rest of the day being bitter about this—

Kevin: Yeah, I can.

Nicky: I was going to say “or” but why bother?

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Renee: Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way.

Kevin: No. I want the championship trophy.

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Betsy: I am, as the kids say, awake.

Neil: ...You mean woke?

Betsy: I do, but that is grammatically incorrect.

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Andrew: Will there be sausage rolls?

Allison, sobbing: Th-There-

Andrew, louder: Allison! Seth's funeral! Will there be sausage rolls?!

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Neil: I’m kind of seeing someone, but I’m worried about telling you who, because you’re not going to like it.

Wymack: Just rip the bandage off, son.

Neil: It’s Andrew.

Wymack: ...Put the bandage back on.

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Matt: Here's a list of suspects I've put together.

Neil: Um, Matt, your name is on here.

Matt: I don't remember where I was Friday night. Therefore, I have no alibi. I've been tailing myself for the past three days.

Neil:

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Jean: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Jeremy: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment or whatever.

Jean: No, it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti.

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Nicky: "Person of Interest" is almost too flattering.

Nicky: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, "A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest," I'd be like, "Moi? Oh, do go on."

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Andrew: Guys, there's a monster under my bed, and he's really ugly.

Aaron on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

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"You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity."

–Matt meeting Neil

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"I am not cool, I have never been cool, and I'm certainly not about to start now."

–Neil Josten