Things Totally Said Off-Camera

Yes, this is specifically for the Screaming Gaffers from TDA. Yes, I love them.

[fraudulent-cheese]

Perfectly timed for that original posts's birthday! based on a post by @incorrect-gaffers-quotes

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Duncan: What if I put a pipe bomb in your Christmas stocking?

Harold: Do you think I don’t know the exact circumference and weight of a pipe bomb?

Heather: Well, do you?

Harold: No. I would explode.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

DJ: I want to tell you a joke but I only remember the punchline.

Gwen: Go ahead.

DJ: Tooth-hurty.

Gwen: When is the best time to go to the dentist?

DJ: You complete me.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Harold: Unfortunately, on this platonic male outing at Outback Steakhouse, Duncan — my teammate — has ordered a blooming onion, transforming this once casual affair into a romantic tryst.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Heather: I’m ignoring you.

Gwen: …

Heather: I said I’m ignoring you.

Gwen: …

Heather: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Harold, holding a box: You promise you didn’t get me bees again?

Duncan, from a distance: Just open it.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Heather: A doctor: $140k a year. A furry artist on Patreon: $160k a year.

Harold: I think you’re lowballing the furry artist, actually.

Heather: I’m sorry for the inaccuracies, Doctor Yiff.

Harold: No matter how I respond to this I don’t look good, well played. I walked right into that.

DJ: Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.

Heather:

Heather: Did you just legitimately tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in a university to give you your lung transplant?

Duncan: Doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them.

Heather: You will die in 7 days.

Gwen: It took doctors like 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking for attention, while a furry artist I knew just went “That sounds like Crohn’s” after hearing me complain once, and ended up being right.

Gwen: Also I can’t go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I?

Duncan: You could if you weren’t a fucking coward.

Leshawna: This conversation was like 50 consecutive punches to the face. What the fuck went on here.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Duncan, to Gwen: Just think about this. I’m your hottest friend—

Duncan: No, that’s Leshawna.

Duncan: I’m your nicest friend—

Duncan: Wait, DJ.

Duncan: …I’m your friend!

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Harold: If you had to separate your dog from forty-nine other identical dogs that were all equally excited to see you, how would you determine which dog was yours?

DJ: I would take my fifty dogs home and live like a king.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Leshawna, giving dating advice: Definitely compliment his outfit, and laugh at his jokes.

Gwen: What if they aren’t funny?

Leshawna: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn’t give with both hands.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Harold: People keep saying you’re supposed to look like your parter’s favorite Disney princess… huh.

Harold: Hey Duncan, who’s your favorite Disney princess?

Duncan: Chicken Little.

Harold:

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

DJ: Do you have any regrets?

Gwen: Absolutely! Thanks for asking.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Leshawna, about Duncan: I mean, yeah, he's clearly mentally ill. But you gotta admit it's a little charming watching him walk around pretending like he's not.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Gwen: Summer is actually the gothest time of the year, because it is the time that we goths suffer the most, which is goth.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Leshawna: Harold…

Harold: Oh no. “Harold” in B-flat. You’re disappointed.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Heather: Hey, Gwen. 1996 called, it wants its clothes back.

Gwen: Hey, Heather. 2090 called. You’re dead and you wasted your time on earth.

[incorrect-gaffers-quotes]

Duncan, talking about the Killer Grips: They were annoying, it almost triggered my fight or fight response.

Harold: You mean fight or flight?

Duncan: No, I mean fight or fight. I’m not a damn bird, Harold.