Incorrect Lucifer

Lots of shitpost.

[everythingfox]

“why wont my milk pour out”

(Source)

[catchymemes]

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Lucifer: Z is just a sideways N.

Chloe: Can you please go to sleep is three am.

Lucifer: Zo.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Lucifer, leaving the doctor's office: I'm up to 198 pounds, so I'm going to eat two pounds of nacho slim jims and say I'm literally 1% nacho.

Chloe: You're literally 100% an idiot.

Lucifer: 99%.

Chloe:

Lucifer: 1% NaChO.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Maze: So you're in love with Chloe.

Lucifer, sweating: What? No, of course not!

Maze: Then why is this paper full of hearts that say L+C?

Lucifer: It stands for Loneliness and Chaos.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Eve: *Hands Maze a water bottle*

Maze, drinking it: Oh, thanks Eve! What's it for?

Eve: Well, Lucifer always says you get thirsty around me.

Maze: *Chokes on water*

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Chloe: Lucifer, what did I say about drinking at work?

Lucifer: I know, calm down detective, it's just tea.

Chloe: I didn't know we had tea at the precinct... What kind?

Lucifer: Tea... Quila.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Lucifer: How many Linda's does it takes to change a lightbulb?

Amenadiel, exasperated: I don't know. How many?

Lucifer: Just one. The real question is how many ladders she'd need.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Eve: Wow your legs look great in those jeans.

Maze: You should see me without them.

Eve:

Maze:

Eve: Why would you take off your legs-

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Dan, answering the phone: Yes?

Amenadiel: Hi Daniel, do you have $2500

Dan: Why do you need $2500?

Amenadiel: For an escape room.

Dan: Wha- What kind of escape room costs $2500?!

Amenadiel:

Amenadiel: Jail.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Lucifer: You're like school during summer, Daniel.

Dan: How so?

Lucifer: You have no class.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Lucifer, lying in bed seductively: Come on detective, I know you want to join me.

Chloe, sighing: Lucifer, put your shirt back on. We're in Ikea. People are staring.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Lucifer: uh... Maze? Why is Daniel crying on the floor?

Maze: He's drunk.

Lucifer: So what?

Maze: He saw a picture of Charlotte's boyfriend.

Lucifer: ... But he's Charlotte's boyfriend.

Maze: I know.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Lucifer: *wakes up next to Chloe everyday*

Lucifer softly, everyday: holy shit.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Lucifer: I fucking hate Pierce.

Chloe: Watch your language, there are children in the house.

Lucifer: Oh yeah, my bad.

Lucifer: I fucking hate-

Lucifer: *covers Trixie's ears*

Lucifer: Pierce.

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

[Lucifer and Dan arguing]

Lucifer: You know what, douche? There's an "u" in "stupid".

Dan: Oh yeah? Well, there's an "I" in stupid too!

Lucifer:

Dan:

Dan: No, wait-

[incorrect-lucifer-quote]

Trixie: So. You are the Devil. Any other secrets I should know about?

Lucifer: I like your mom.

Trixie: I said secrets.