Incorrect RvB Quotes

Things that may or may not have been said by the characters of Red vs. Blue. Submissions are open and appreciated!

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Sarge: I will not be using a loophole. As always, I will be using the main hole, or no hole. I choose no hole.

Donut: You just said ‘hole’ way too much, sir.

Simmons: And that’s coming from Donut.

Sarge: Yes, that is concerning.

(source: brooklyn 99)

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Jensen: Sounds like a good sergeant.

Simmons: Oh, yeah.

Jensen: What’s his name?

Simmons: [long pause] Sarge.

Jensen: Your sergeant’s name is Sarge.

Simmons: Yep.

Jensen: Huh. Sounds a lot like sergeant.

Simmons: Maybe that’s why he became a sergeant.

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Wyoming: A kitchen is where a woman belongs.

CT: Do you know why women live longer than men?

Wyoming: ...No..?

CT: *pulls out knife* kitchen is where the knives are.

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored, his brain'll explode.

Sarge, probably

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Everything bad that can happen to a person has happened to me.

Agent Washington, probably

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Tucker: You know, I remember the first moment I saw Wash. I said to myself, Oh shit, I'm going to fall in love with this man.

Carolina: What did you think when you saw him?

Wash: Holy shit, this guy's going to hit on me.

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Church: You are literally too stupid to insult.

Caboose: Thank you!

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Well done, agents...if you were trying to disappoint me.

The Director, probably

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Wash: How do you guys usually get out of these messes?

Tucker: We don't. We just make a bigger one that cancels the first one out.

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Grif: I'll have the party platter.

Bitters: That serves eight people.

Grif: I know what I'm about, son.

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Donut: I don't mean to pry...

Simmons: Yes you do.

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

The Counselor: What's your biggest weakness?

Maine: I can be uncooperative.

The Counselor: Okay, give me an example.

Maine: No.

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

The best gift you can give is neglect. Neglect fosters self-reliance.

The Director, probably

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Tucker: Well I'm going with NOT Wash.

Wash: That's perfect because I don't want to go with grammatically incorrect people anyway.

Caboose: Is him talking about me?

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Donut: [holding a jar of lemonade] Hey, Tucker. the place on the corner is serving lemonade, and you get to keep the jar. Pretty cool. Tucker: Yes. That’s VERY cool, Donut. Donut: Mhm. Tucker: Will you excuse me for just a moment? Donut: Sure Tucker: [in another room of the base] Guys, guys, guys! Donut has a mason jar full of lemonade. Grif: You called us in here to tell us that? Tucker: No. I called you in here to change your LIVES! For you see, a mere 5 minutes ago, Caboose introduced me to his new goldfish, who lives in… [points to Caboose talking with Donut] Doc: *GASP* An identical mason jar! Simmons: Ooohhh, this isn’t gonna end well. Tucker: There are 2 possible outcomes, and we’re gonna bet on which one happens first. So, will Caboose put fish food in Donut’s lemonade, or will Donut drink Caboose’s gold fish? Now, you would think that putting fish food into lemonade would be- Carolina: Caboose just drank his own fish. [camera shows Caboose drinking from the jar the fish was in] Tucker: What?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Do you know what people say about you? They say you are a murderous zealot who’s a less hot version of me.

Alpha to Sigma, probably

[incorrect-rvb-quote]

Wash: I brought reinforcements.

CT: You brought Tex?

Wash: Um...no, but I brought the next best thing!

Maine: *grunts*

CT: Maine? You brought Maine? The next best thing would have been Carolina!

Maine: Normally I'd be offended, but she is freakishly strong.