#source: friends

[incorrectsdmi]

*baby Fred won't stop crying*

Judy: Oh my god I am losing my mind!

Cassidy: Yeah, no kidding. This just proves no good can come from having sex with Brad!

[incorrectintothewoodsquotes]

The Baker: Your alfredo’s dry. Did you use your cheese?

Jack: When you say “use”, do you mean “eat as a pre-cooking snack”?

[shyjusticewarrior]

Red Hood Incorrect Quotes Pt 110

Dick: This is like a complete nightmare.

Jason: Oh, I know, this must be so hard.

Jason: Oh no! Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!

Jason: Mark the date, Barbara. May eighteenth at four P.M.

Barbara: Oh honey, we're well into October.

Jason: Really?

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Someone: are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic animal is punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?

Drusilla: Oh my god… you would put that poor little creature in jail?

Darla: Dru, remember what we said about saying things quietly to yourself first?

Drusilla, stressed: Yes, but there isn’t always time!

[missdrummond]

AIO incorrect quotes dump

Bernard: I'm not good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Connie: Do you want to hear me sing? Bernard: Only if you sing tenor Connie: Tenor? Bernard: Yeah, ten or eleven miles away

Grandpa: We've got no TVs, no radio, and no refrigerators Alex: Sounds like prison, except they have all those things

Jillian: Most of what you know about me is based in truth but it's also a lie

Eugene: This isn't an argument. I'm right and you're just saying things

Jason: I'm sorry you don't have the security clearance to even talk to my hand

Eugene, holding up a picture of each: Roses or lilies? Connie: Definitely roses Eugene: … Connie: Well, I just think they are more wedding-y, you know Eugene: slowly starts moving the lilly picture closer to Connie Connie: but lillies are the clear choices Eugene: haha It’s like one mind! Connie: uh-huh 🙄

Eugene: Oh hey I just remembered I got an email Tom: You got a what? Eugene: You know Tom. Email. Aren't you wired? Online? Surfin' the web? Tom: 😐😑😐 Eugene: HTML good buddy Tom: I got cable last month Eugene: ugh you are so early 90s

Wooton: I wouldn't consider either of them a fine chef Wooton: Mitch CAN defrost a pizza Wooton: Poorly

Ms. Kramer: So, how many kids do you have? Whit: Biological, legally, or emotionally?

Cooper: And then like the vegetables reenacted Bible stories Bridget: this genuinely sounds like a fever dream Buck: and your parents made you watch this? Cooper: Made isn't the right word this show is genuinely one of the funniest things to grace the small screen Jules: back up are these people dressed as vegetables doing the singing or are they puppeting the produce? Cooper: that's it I'm pulling up some clips. You guys need to be cultured

in the kitchen Bridget: So like how many times has your dad been married? Jules: I don't know like 6, maybe 7 times Wyatt: hehe six seeeven Bridget: Wyatt! Leave! Wyatt: Chill I was just grabbing snack. See ya

[because apparently I'm never making this animatic] (the Whit's End crew is taking a buzzfeed quiz) Connie: and finally choose a new emotion to apear in the next Inside Out movie: Love, Rizz- Jason: !?! Eugene: what's that? Connie: that's short for charisma, the kids say it Eugene: Thank you Jason: Is that right? Connie: yeah 😎 . Simpathy- Jason: wow I feel like a stroke victim everyone else: 🤣 ? Jason: Stuff is going on in this world and they're not even calling me

Bill: Call me old fashioned but I think that marriage is a sacred institution that should only be enter with the utmost care Jules: Haven't you been married like 4 times? Bill: Yeah, and it makes me kinda an expert don't you think?

Jared: You’re literally the smartest person I know I don’t get how you can be so naive! Trent: You’re the most sceptical person I know I don't get how you can be so gullible!

Bridget: Call me a pyromaniac Jules: Why? Bridget: because I like burning bridges

Eugene: I'm not sexist! Being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for Connie!

Mandy: God gave me two hands to pet two cats. Mandy: But I have three cats. because the nature of man is hubris

[angelhareincorrectquotes]

Francine: I don’t gossip. Okay, maybe sometimes I find out things, or I hear something and I pass that information on… You know, kind of like a public service.

[incorrectquoteshungergames]

Haymitch: I don’t gossip. Okay, maybe sometimes I find out things, or I hear something and I pass that information on… You know, kind of like a public service.

[randomcontent2019]

Pre-Confession Astarion: You’re so great. I love you.

Tav: What did you say?

Astarion: Nothing. I said ‘you’re so great,’ and then I just stopped talking.