Ah Yes, These Assholes

SUBMISSIONS ARE OPEN! A place to celebrate our favorite group of homicidal idiots. Pfp by jinmalos

[incorrect-torna-quotes]

Akhos (brainstorming ideas for pranking Mikhail): How much could a serial killer mask possibly cost?

Patroka: Well it’s hard to find a high-quality one made out of leather or silicone, but if you did find a good one like that it’d be a couple thousands of dollars. I can try to hook you up with one but I don’t know if I’d be very successful.

Akhos: Huh, that’s pretty interesting actually- Wait, how the hell do you know that?

Patroka: …I am very passionate about Halloween, Akhos.

[incorrect-torna-quotes]

Malos: There is no greater bond on this earth than when you all despise and carry untold righteous anger about one person and then when you’re all together someone is like “so about that dead horse” and everyone starts sounding like Michael Jackson with the way they’re chanting beat it

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Jin: Will you match my freak?

Malos: No. I’m freakier than you. This is a competition and I’m winning.

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Akhos, to Mikhail: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you

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Mikhail, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.

Akhos: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

[toskarin]

wait op is 15. I don't want to argue with them. [visibly scheduling a reblog] what day is op's birthday

[toskarin]

first of all happy birthday. congratulations on making it this far. you'll find that I edited the contents of this reblog for each of your birthdays that passed since you made this post to include slightly more personal wishes and I'm honestly really proud of you. also I'm sorry about your cat(?), since there was never a good time to say it so I thought I'd just include those condolences while I'm at it. now with all that out of the way,

[toskarin]

if you tragically passed before this reblog arrived, I'm sorry about that. but please understand I've been waiting quite a while and it would feel like such an anticlimax if I cancelled this. have a peer take over your spot in the argument if you're uh... you know... unavailable, to put it delicately. sorry if that happened, also.

[toskarin]

anyway, to get back on track, digimon was not just worse pokemon

[incorrect-torna-quotes]

Jin: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Malos: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Jin: I said within reason, Malos. How about I murder that guy?

Malos: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Jin: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

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Malos: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

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Malos: Are we really going to let Akhos keep Patroka?

Jin: We kept Mikhail.

[incorrect-torna-quotes]

Malos: Relationships should be 50/50. Jin cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

[fandom-official]

[zum1udontno]

[bluesturngold]

fandom is a united states military contractor

"For its latest efforts, the Navy has hired the Wiki company @fandom-official to help manage its tournaments and streams as well as hire outside players like Holly and erinasimon. According to the Navy, Fandom is handling 'various digital media advertising,' it said. 'Any tournaments, custom content development, or access to esports influencers was included as added value in that paid media purchase. Any compensation for non-Sailor gamers is negotiated between Fandom and those gamers.'"

(matthew gault, vice news, March 2021)

[the-sapphic-raven]

[incorrect-torna-quotes]

Jin: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Jin and Malos , in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Mikhail: Our turn, Nia! One, two, three- vanilla!

Nia, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

[incorrect-torna-quotes]

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Malos: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Jin: ...I did. I broke it.

Malos: No. No you didn't. Nia?

Nia: Don't look at me. Look at Akhos.

Akhos: What?! I didn't break it.

Nia: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Akhos: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Nia: Suspicious.

Akhos: No, it's not!

Mikhail: If it matters, probably not, but Patroka was the last one to use it.

Patroka: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Mikhail: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Patroka: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Mikhail!

Jin: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Malos.

Malos: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Mikhail: Malos... Nia's been awfully quiet.

Nia: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Malos, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Malos: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Malos:

Malos: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

[incorrect-torna-quotes]

Jin: Everyone has a toxic trait. Except Malos, they’re perfect.

Malos: Wrong! My toxic trait is how badly I want to domesticate a raccoon.

[trunswicked]

Happy Valentines Day from the Aegises!

[dapperd0g]

what is the xeno crowd like on tumblr compared to twitter. have a malos

[herridot]

hello tumblr malos xenoblade enjoyers it is Self Declared Logos Day (10/12 (like proverbs 10:12 that is associated with logos wow) so to celebrate I put cat ears on this bastard's model. appreciate him. happy malos day