incorrect alvin and the chipmunks quotes 🐿

charlie // they/she // 14 catch me @ courhage + courhage-shitpost **cant guarantee this'll be entirely sfw**

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Writers: We love all the Chipmunks and Chipettes equally! Alvin, Simon, Brittany, Jeanette, Theodore...

Writers, looking at smudged letters on their arms: ... Elephant

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Simon: Jeanette's cute.

Alvin: Cute?! She's the reason faces were invented, you idiot!

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Brittany, leaning on a shelf of the library, observing Jeanette reading across the room: Poor, boring, Jeanette. If she were a spice, she would be flour.

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Alvin: It's gonna work, trust me.

Simon: Trust you?!

Alvin: Trust... Trust Jeanette?

Simon: Jeanette I trust.

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Brittany: Do you like my outfit?

Alvin: Not as much as I like what's underneath it.

Brittany, disgusted: Alvin!

Alvin: No, I need your chair. Get up.

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Theodore: Can you pick up some milk?

Alvin: Yeah, it's easy.

Theodore: I mean at the store.

Alvin: I imagine it weighs the same there.

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As The Treehouse Collapses

Jeanette: Crap! We left Brittany behind! We have to wait for her!

Eleanor: Yeah, like I’m waiting for Brittany.

Jeanette: But, Ellie-

Eleanor: Jean, we talked about this! If we could only save two we would leave Brittany.

Brittany, landing on Eleanor: You bitches! You were going to leave without me!

Eleanor: There! The problem solved itself. Let’s go!

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Brittany: Jeanette, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the leader of The Chipettes, because when we get home, Alvin is going to kill me.

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Alvin: I'll use my classic Alvin Seville Charm!

Simon: I have total faith in you. Brittany, go with him. Bring Theodore.

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Alvin rides into the living room on a giraffe.

Simon: Alvin, what is that?

Alvin: It's a giraffe, Isaac Newton.

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Simon: What's your bloodtype?

Jeanette: How would I know?

Simon: How would you not?

Jeanette: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups?

Simon: You don't know your own bloodtype but you do know who discovered them?!?

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Jeanette: Your friends were counting on you.

Simon: That's their fault. I have carefully cultivated a persona that screams, "You're on your own."

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Alvin: Celebrities get meaningless threats all the time, Theodore. It's really no big deal.

Theodore: Of course.

Theodore: Totally.

Theodore: I mean, why would a death threat be a big deal?

Theodore: Oh, that's right- BECAUSE IT THREATENS DEATH.

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Eleanor: Hi, Eleanor Miller, the human form of the one hundred emoji.

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Eleanor, to Alvin: So you'd choose your father over me, your band-mate who hates you?

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Eleanor: The English language cannot fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so, I'm incorporating emoji into my speech to better express myself.

Eleanor: Winky face.

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Jeanette's Second Student Film

Jeanette: Theodore, I think you should play the role of Dave.

Theodore: But I don't want to be Alvin's dad!

Jeanette: That's perfect, you already know your lines.