#source: idk

[kozis-bloody-pad]

Do fish get thirsty

I think not 🧐🐠

[not-the-axolotl]

Aristotle: did it hurt when you fell?

Arthur: from what? Heaven.. or in love?

Aristotle: dear, as much as i would love to save your ego.... you just faceplanted down a flight of stairs!

[alien-slushie]

Tucker: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful friendship...

Sam: I really care about your feelings.

Garfield: I really care about your feelings!

Tucker, turning his head: ...and then there's the disaster friendship...

Steph: You need to pay more attention to me instead of being at the hospital!

Danny: I wouldn't have to spend so much time at the hospital if you stopped insisting on fighting everyone who comes within a five foot radius of you!

[fivedrinksamy]

Ilya: nice hands, Hollander

Shane: uh, thanks?

Ilya: I bet they'd look really good wrapped around my-

Hayden (while closing his kids' ears): BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE. PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN!

Ilya: wow, Pike, chill. I was gonna say they'd look great wrapped around my own hands. What were you thinking?

[squilfmybeloved]

trinity: why does dr abbot call you babygirl

robby: i think we should stop talking.

[coffeethree]

Poco: give me a Mexican dish that ends in "-ito"!

Loco: Dorito.

Poco: what?!

Coco: GOOD ANSWER GOOD ANSWER!

Loco to Poco: HA!!!

[fodlans-most-depressed]

Sylvain: Like my shirt? It's boyfriend material. Felix: Seems clingy and hard to maintain.

Requested by anonymous.

[fodlans-most-depressed]

Manuela: This is terrible! Why did you even invite me? Jeritza: We didn't. You invited yourself. Hanneman: No one wants you here.

Requested by anonymous.