Incorrect American Horror Story Quotes

Things that were definitely said in American Horror Story.

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Ally to Ivy after she finished eating: Guess Who Just Got MURDERED! Source: Brooklyn 9-9.

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Elsa: I'd like everybody's attention. Due to Ma Petite's death, Christmas is canceled. Ethel: You can't cancel a holiday. Elsa: Keep it up, Ethel, and you'll lose New Year's. Ethel: What does that mean? Elsa: Dell, take New Year's away from Ethel.

(Source: The Office)

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Cordelia: Well, every day begins about the same. I wake up screaming in terror because of the blackness and I think I’m dead. Fiona: Every day? Cordelia: Yes! Every day! And then I begin what’s called “The Great Adventure.” Making breakfast. I’ve eaten everything from nails to drink coasters. One time I bit hard into a marble ashtray, thinking it was a savory waffle. I wanted that waffle so bad! Completely shattered my teeth. Fiona: Couldn’t you tell the ashtray wasn’t hot like a waffle? Cordelia: No! I couldn’t, because I’m blind! I’m not blind twenty-three hours a day or twenty-two hours a day, I’m blind the whole Goddamn time! Do you have any idea what it’s like to drink a half a bottle of ketchup thinking it was a bottle of 1946 Châteauneuf-du- Pape? I even decanted it. Fiona: If you drank half a bottle of that, that’s…that’s like…that’s like nine or ten gulps. I mean, you couldn’t tell that was ketchup? Cordelia: Did I stutter? I’m ba-lind!

Source: Anchorman 2

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Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car.

Mallory

[moonliight-drive]

Basically everyone (God included): You don’t have to be evil Michael, you can be good. Let us help you.

Michael:

[ahs-memes]

Mr. Gallant: *drops from ceiling*

Mr. Gallant: *slaps floor*

Mr. Gallant: i'm GAY

[alphabetatoes]

michael: are you my father?

goat: dO I LOOK

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Moira: Go take a psychology course. Try to figure out who gave you such disgusting mommy issues. 

Tate: I mean it was probably, ya know, my mom. 

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When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues have made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

Michael

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When will you learn...that YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?

Ben to Michael, Vivien to Ben, Ben to Tate, Constance to Tate, Violet to Tate

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Michael: *does anything*

Violet: This is why mom doesn’t FUCKING LOVE YOU. 

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tate: michael, michael

michael: yes papa?

tate: going through my shit?

michael: no papa

tate: TELLING LIES?

michael: *crying* NO PAPA

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I may be dead, but I’m still pretty.

-Tate Langdon

[kachow-kachoo]

this isn’t an incorrect ahs quote anymore lmao

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I know! I felt pretty awesome when he said it.

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Madison: All it takes is faith and trust. Oh, and something I forgot. Dust.

Violet: Dust?

Madison: Yup. Just a little bit of pixie dust.

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Ben: There’s only one thing worse than a rapist. 

Tate: A child. 

Ben: No. 

[embarrasment]

tate @ michael

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Michael: True evil is born through pain and loss...when I was a lad, I once had a toy train...and then one day... I lost it.

Tate: That’s...that’s it?