Azrael Can Speak?

incorrect Alpha quotes! icon by our lovely creator Freddy Lee, of course!

[incorrectalpha]

Leviathan: I'm in love. His name is Azrael. He's beautiful. He punched me in the face.

[incorrectalpha]

Michael: Wait, are you drunk?

Azrael, holding a glass: Please, off of twelve drinks?

[incorrectalpha]

Amelia: And now back to the set-up! Alright, Azrael, you’ve had plenty of time to decide, so tell the folks at home! Will it be Enoch? One of brothers who runs the Banquet of Nightmares? Dr. Streamline? A horrible genius and mastermind behind the latest extinction? Or the the resistance's best group, Riptide's, leader and treasure hunter, Leviathan? And you chose…?

Azrael: I’d rather be buried up to my neck in a nest of fire ants then pulled free and resuscitated moments before I die so I could then be slowly skinned alive, basted in acid, and burned at the stake than date any of these motherfuckers. But…if I had to pick…I’d choose Leviathan.

Leviathan, shoving down Enoch and Elizabeth: VICTORY IS MINE!

[incorrectalpha]

Michael: So… what gender are you?

Leviathan: Serpent.

Michael: No. Like male or female.

Leviathan: Serpent.

Michael: NO! What’s between your legs?!

Leviathan: APOCALYPSE!!!

[incorrectalpha]

Ifrit: I have a lead!

Lilith: You have a stab wound, Ifrit. Sit down.

[incorrectalpha]

Belial: I wasn’t sure what kind of chocolates you liked, so I got them all.

Berith: Bel, there’s around 300 boxes here…

Belial: I panicked, okay?! Valentines can be very stressful!

[incorrectalpha]

Azrael, to Yversiel: I’d tell you to go to hell, but I never want to see you again.

[incorrectalpha]

Azrael: Sorry, I don't have time to be arrested.

[incorrectalpha]

Ifrit, after losing a match: I’m a piece of trash.

Lilith: As someone who cares about the environment, I’m obligated to pick you up. Is seven okay?

Ifrit: You smooth motherfu— Yeah, seven’s fine.

[incorrectalpha]

Gualichu: I’m too young to die, and too old to eat off the kids’ menu.

Gualichu: What a stupid age I am.

[incorrectalpha]

Azrael, walking into the High Altar with a bottle of absinthe in his hand: Sorry I’m late. I was busy.

Yversiel, walking in after Azrael, looking noticeably disheveled: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!!!

[incorrectalpha]

Thammuz: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Drekavac: The Banquet.

Leviathan: Covered in gold chains.

Gadget: Rock star. Or, no, movie star. No, yeah, rock star.

Azrael: Prison.

[incorrectalpha]

Murphy: Michael has 19 bottles of dish soap and he gives Samael-

Azrael: Wait, why does Michael have so many soaps?

Michael, pouring soap onto his hand: Mind your business, Azrael!

[incorrectalpha]

Leviathan: I just got a new notebook, what should I put in it?

Drekavac: Put spaghetti in it.

Leviathan: I’m taking suggestions from anyone else.

Gadget: Put spaghetti in it.

Leviathan: I’m taking suggestions from anyone except you two.

Thammuz: Put spaghetti in it.

Leviathan: I’m no longer taking suggestions.

[incorrectalpha]

Drekavac, with a pack of cheap crayons in one hand: What color are Amy’s eyes?

Gadget: The warm chestnut of well-worn leather when the sun comes out after days of rain.

Drekavac: What?

Gadget, panicked: I said brown-

[incorrectalpha]

Astaroth: So I MEANT to say ‘oh crap, I left my phone in my car,’ but what I ALMOST said was ‘oh no, I left my cone in my phar,’ and damn, wouldn’t that have been embarrassing, but I caught myself, and what I ACTUALLY said was ‘Ah, my fart cone.’ So anyway.

Leviathan: This was a thrill from start to finish.

[incorrectalpha]

Eblis: Why are you so bad at math?

Baphomet: I’m a drummer. I can’t count past four.