incorrect quotes

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BEN: [whispers in Jeff's ear] Jeff has no idea I'm high.

Jeff: You're high?!

BEN:

BEN: Oh, sorry.

BEN: [whispers in Liu's ear] Jeff has no idea I'm high.

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Jeff: Here's the thing though. Is it still murder if I give him a heads-up?

BEN: I believe that's called a threat-

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Jane: I broke up with my last girlfriend due to religious incompatibility.

Jane: She didn’t accept that I was a goddess.

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EJ: An apple a day, keeps the doctor away

LJ: A book a day, keeps reality away

Masky: An adventure a day, keeps the boredom away

Jeff: A murder a day, keeps the idiots away

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Slenderman: What are you gonna' do, shortie? Punch me in the shi- FUCK

Sally, who just destroyed Slenderman's kneecaps: What were you saying?

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EJ: Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?

Liu: Yes, actually. Multiple times.

EJ:

Liu: I mean, have you SEEN me?

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Liu, bursting into Jeffs room: EJ kissed me!

Jeff, gasping: NO! Oh my gods, it's finally happening!

Liu: It was unbelievable

Jeff: Ok, Okay, I wanna hear everything. Does this end well or do we need tissues?

Liu: Oh, it ended very well

Jeff: Alright, let’s hear about the kiss, gimme details. Was it like a soft brush against lips, or was it like, a you know, ‘I gotta have you now’ kinda thing?

Liu: Well, at first it was really intense, you know, and then we just sorta sunk into it and-

Meanwhile, with EJ and LJ

EJ: -and then I just kissed him

LJ: Tongue?

EJ: Yeah

LJ: Nice

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Jeff: I’m going to be blunt with you Mr. Car Salesman--

Jeff: May I call you Mr. Car Salesman?

Jeff: Anyway, I don’t care how fast it goes, or how many horse souls you encased in the engine, I only care about the horn.

Jeff: Now please stop talking so I can hear this bad boy beep.

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EJ: On a scale from 1-to-10, how would you rate your pain?

Jeff: Pi

EJ: Pi?

Jeff: Low level, but never ending

EJ:

BEN: … Bro are you okay???????????

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BEN: What's an "occupation"?

Slenderman: It's what you do.

BEN: [nods as he writes down "Jeff"]

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Toby: Yeah, but as far as plans go, this is not a good one.

Masky: Toby, this was your plan.

Toby: I didn't think you'd actually say yes.

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Toby: Before you say anything, I’d like to remind you that I’m holding an axe.

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Liu: You know, once upon a time, you didn't try to solve all your problems with murder.

Jeff: Stop romanticizing the past.

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Jeff: Sorry for trying to murder you.

Liu: Oh, that's okay! I forgive you!

Jeff:

Jeff: Really? Jeez, I wouldn't.

Jeff: Thanks, though!

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BEN: I’m in love with you

Jeff: like just as a friend?

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Sally: Why does Jane wear makeup?

Jeff: To look pretty.

Sally: But she's already pretty.

Jane: Aww, Sally, that's so sweet!

Sally: Jeff, YOU should wear makeup.

Jeff:

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Hoodie: Do you ever say anything encouraging?

Masky: I encourage you not to die.