Incorrect Journey to the West

A side blog purely for my JTTW shitposts, incorrect quotes and such, because there's now too many of them in my @mythologyfolklore blog

[incorrectjttw]

Erlang Shen: Sergeant sad eyes reporting for misery.

Golden Cicada: I thought you were a general?

Erlang: I'm not in the right head space right now.

Golden Cicada: *sighs tiredly* When are you ever?

[incorrectjttw]

SunWukong: I have locked Bajie in a cage designed by his own art. Oh, they have been well and truly hoist by their own petard. BaiLongma: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that. SunWukong: I’m blackmailing him. ShaWujing: Oh, happy days.

Tripitaka: I didn't know he had the capacity to be ashamed enough of something for it to be blackmail material!

Sha Wujing: Oh, there are quite a few things he's ashamed of.

Tripitaka: ... Are you also ...?

Sha Wujing: Only when he tries to shift his responsibilities onto me.

[incorrectjttw]

SunWukong: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE! ZhuBajie: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!

Only Sun Wukong and Tripitaka can put Zhu Bajie into time-out.

[incorrectjttw]

Golden Cicada: Why are you doing this? Yellow Brow: Same reason I do everything. To get somebody to like me.

Golden Cicada: And yet somehow you always achieve the opposite.

[incorrectjttw]

Ananda talking to Guanyin: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars. Ananda, gestures to Golden Cicada and Sun Wukong arguing: And yet these idiots do it daily, for free!

Fools indeed.

[incorrectjttw]

ZhuBajie: You consider me your brother? ShaWujing: Yeah. What else would I consider you? ZhuBajie: I don't know. An embarrassment? A way to rebel against your father? A desperate cry for help? The list is endless.

(Source: Robots)

Sha Wujing: Dude, I don't have daddy issues, I'm good. You're like an annoying middle child, who makes the other siblings do all the work.

Zhu Bajie: There it is.

[incorrectjttw]

Not sure if you usually get asks like this here, do you know if there’s a canon height for Wukong anywhere

He's about 4ft, according to some of his opponents, when they mock his figure. So, tiny by human standards, but bigger than the average male macaque. He also seems to be on the thinner side, so he's probably more wiry than buff, though he gets pretty pissy, when called skinny.

[incorrectjttw]

*During a game of Hangman* Golden Cicada: Nope, there’s no Q. You lose. Zhenyuan Daxian: Are you kidding me?! You can still add something! Golden Cicada: I already added a belt, four earrings and an extra arm! YOU LOSE!

When you remember, that Golden Cicada had a buttload of friends.

[incorrectjttw]

Sun Wukong: There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.

Who allowed him to join a board game session?

[incorrectjttw]

Tripitaka: You want some leftovers? Zhu Bajie: What are those? Sun Wukong: You've never had leftovers before? Zhu Bajie: No, ‘cause I’m not a quitter.

That's a lie. He totally would quit, if his master and brothers let him.

[incorrectjttw]

Golden Cicada: Ooh, somebody has a crush Erlang Shen: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on the great sage. I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about him. *Later that night* Erlang Shen, in bed very much awake: Uh oh.

I could swear I've posted that one before ...

[incorrectjttw]

Golden Cicada: Why are you drinking? Erlang Shen: I drink when I'm depressed. Golden Cicada: But you're always drinking? Erlang Shen: *smug grin*

Golden Cicada: *sigh* Erlang, I've been sentenced to reincarnation. Am I really going to die knowing my best friend is an alcoholic, who hates himself so much he has no intention to stop?

Erlang Shen: In light of what I did to end up here? Yeah.

Golden Cicada: ....

Erlang: I'm sorry.

Golden Cicada: I will make you stop, even if it takes me hundreds of reincarnations and thousands of years.

[melodiouswhite]

IT'S MY 31st BIRTHDAY! :D

[incorrectjttw]

Regular Cicada's: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say! Golden Cicada: You should say something else.

And then they visited a slightly unhinged, but powerful Daoist immortal, became a powerful immortal themselves, met the Buddha, became his disciple and a Buddhist, fucked up, lost their immortality, had to reincarnate ten times, had to go on a dangerous pilgrimage to bring Buddhism to China, reach enlightenment and become an immortal being again.

[incorrectjttw]

Tripitaka, putting their hands over Sum Wukong's eyes: Guess who! Sun Wukong: It's either my shifu or the cold, clammy hands of death. Tripitaka, putting their hands away: It's Shifu! Sun Wukong: Dammit.

(Source: That 70's Show)

Sun Wukong has reached a point, where the emissaries of Yama and the judges of hell would be more pleasant to him than his master, lol.

[incorrectjttw]

Erlang Shen: Holy shit, Golden Cicada, do you know what this means?! Golden Cicada: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

Erlang Shen, a walking, three-eyed mystery.

[incorrectjttw]

Golden Cicada: You know how some people consider “may you have an interesting life” to be a curse? Tripitaka: Yes…? Golden Cicada: Fuck those people. Wanna have an adventure?

Tripitaka: Unless that adventure has an appropriate purpose, no. I do not.

*a wild Guanyin appears*

Guanyin: How about we get Tathagata's holy scriptures to China, so mortals can learn of Buddhism and start working towards their own redemption and enlightenment?

Tripitaka: SIGN ME UP!

Golden Cicada, inside Tripitaka's head: I knew it.