Louis: Haz and I got into it last night. Bad enough that I told him to take what's his and leave.
Zayn: What did he do?
Louis: ...He picked me up and left.

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@incorrectlarryy
Louis: Haz and I got into it last night. Bad enough that I told him to take what's his and leave.
Zayn: What did he do?
Louis: ...He picked me up and left.
Louis: I always wonder how tall people like you manage to sleep at night when the blanket can't cover you from your head and shoulders.
Harry: It’s 3am
Louis: So you can’t sleep, huh?
Louis: Is it because of the blanket?
Harry: Well, fuck me if I’m wrong—
Louis: You’re wrong
Harry: We can’t go on a romantic date, we’re in the middle of a huge fight!
Louis: We are?
Harry: You didn’t KNOW?!
Louis: Nobody told me!
Louis: Harry, can I ask you something?
Harry: Yes, I will marry you
Louis:
Louis: That’s not what I was going to ask
Harry: My answer has not changed
Louis: You can’t make everyone like you. You’re not Harry.
Niall: What? Not everyone likes Harry.
Louis: Who doesn’t?
Niall: Well—
Louis: Names! I need names now!
Louis: (whispering loudly) Harry, I think there's a monster under the bed, it's really ugly, can you take care of it?
Liam: (from the bottom bunk) I hate you guys so much
Harry: Fist me
Louis: I- what the fuck
Harry: *holds out fist for fist bump*
Louis: Right. Of course that’s what you meant. Okay.
Niall: Get kidnapped. You’ll find out who your real friends are. Trust me.
Liam: I just feel like there are probably steps you could take before that one.
Harry: *banging his fists on the table*
Louis: Please stop doing that to your hands. How would you feel if I banged YOU on the table?
Harry:
Harry: Is that a trick question?
Random stranger, to Louis: Hey there, you look a bit cold. I’m cold also, so why don’t we snuggle together to get warmer ;)
Harry, appearing behind them: If you’re so cold, I can set you on fire. that way you’ll be warm for the rest of your life.
Kidnapper: We have your son
Louis: I don’t have a son
Kidnapper: But your name is ‘Daddy’ in his phone??
Louis: Oh my god, you have Harry
Harry: You know me, I’m always horny for bread.
Zayn: ...Do you mean ‘excited’?
Louis: He really doesn’t.
The Wanted: Welcome to the ‘Fuck Louis Tomlinson’ support group where everyone who’s been roasted by Louis gathers to say a collective ‘Fuck you!’ to Louis Tomlinson.
Naughty Boy: But before we begin, can we get a few words from our newest member?
Harry, noticeably sweating: So I may have misunderstood—
Louis: Fuck capitalism, it's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Louis, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win, maybe you should have tried not being poor.
Harry, being kidnapped: Will I need my toothbrush?
Kidnapper: Shut up
Harry: I‘m assuming that means you will be providing the toothbrush
Louis: I have an amazing memory! Name one time I forgot something
Liam: You left me in that Walmart parking lot last week
Louis: I did that on purpose. Next