Totally accurate Murderverse quotes

"This stuff definitely all happened, just like this." --Timeline Master Awe, probably.

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Cinderace: Who are you?

The Headmistress: No one of consequence.

Cinderace: I must know.

The Headmistress: Get used to disappointment.

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Wario [lovingly talking about Trent at 2am]: He could kill me and I’d thank him

Holly [tired of hearing this for the millionth time]: Yeah, I’d thank him too

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Model 2-E: Hey, it's good to meet you

Mark February: This world is imperfect.

2-E: What?

Mark: If only I could wipe away its impurities...

2-E: Is anyone else... hearing this?

Mark: And make it as beautiful as me!

Two nightkills later

Sam-I-Am: Mark February! You were behind all this!

Mark: Yes, it was I! My machinations lay undetected for years! For I am a master of deception!

2-E: :l

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Caleb: I'm gonna eat a rat [phone dialing sounds]

Caleb: Hi, can I order a rat

Pet store employee: No!

Caleb: Why not?

Pet store employee: Because you are Caleb!

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YOU DIE WHEN I KILL YOU!

Loona throughout Your Final Frontier 3, probably

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You'll notice that the moveset of each fighter is the same as Kirby's, so those fighting techniques you've been polishing will NOT EVEN come in handy in my version

The Host designing Murder U, probably

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Wario: Is something burning?

Trent: Just my love for you.

Wario: Trent, the toaster is on fire.

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A host: *appears in a murderer's bedroom, slow clapping*

A murderer: This is great. I’m going to get a good grade in murder, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

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Kellensea: You can’t think of a device like that? A device that moves things to different floors in the same building?

Ranma:

Kellensea:

Ranma:

Ranma: (starts crying as the Hangman’s Gambit music starts up in the background)

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My little brother Ikei started dating Cutbug lately and the two of them have been making their discord icons matching anime couples, so my other sibling, Metabomb, keeps changing their icon to a third wheel character to annoy them

Hercules, probably

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Today I forgot the name for cauliflower so I called it albino brocolli

Minrey, probably

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basically Scott when investigating the trail of towels in EXE 2

Scott: So what I was thinking was-

RNG: *rolls him a 1 in walking down the stairs*

Scott: *(after falling)* Aw fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this.

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Katana: Hey, are you free on Friday? Like, around eight P.M. on Friday?

Minrey: Yes?

Katana: What about you?

Nyquil: Yes, I am.

Katana: Great! Because I'm not. You two go on without me. Enjoy your date.

Minrey: Did he just–

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Bodybuilder William Jennings Bryan: Metalworkers are wizards because they “cast” metal!

Pico: Wrong. It’s not magic, dumbass.

Bodybuilder William Jennings Bryan: I CAST MOLTEN SILVER DOWN YOUR THROAT.

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art by knife

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Michael: *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride.

Holly: Actually, it’s salt.

Michael: That’s what I said, sodium chloride.

Holly: Uh, actually, that would be salt.

Holly: *takes salt away from Michael* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only you are being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

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If I had a nickel for every time gravity momentarily turned off, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened at all.

everyone in .EXE 2