spark Pls

A blog for incorrect quotes from the Pokemon Go team leaders and Professor Willow! Submissions are appreciated!

[incorrectpokemongo]

Spark: *has a hand full of Ultra Balls* How did you manage to find these,I thought they were impossible to get!

Blanche: Well,we heard that too,and since they’re your favorite–

Candela: We went out and stole a bunch!

Blanche: *glares at Candela* I went back and paid for them

[incorrectpokemongo]

Blanche: You read my diary?

Professor Willow: At first, I didn’t realise it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten novel.

[incorrectpokemongo]

Spark: Remember that time you dared me to lick the swingset?

Blanche: No, I said, “Spark, DON’T lick the swingset,” and you said, “Don’t tell me what to do, Blanche!” And then you licked the swingset.

[incorrectpokemongo]

Alright, gang. I’ll ignore that some of you are late, if you all ignore that I’m the latest.

Spark

[incorrectpokemongo]

Spark: Well I manage my own department, and I’ve been doing that for several years now, and God I’ve learned a lot of life lessons along the way.

Blanche: Your department is just you, right?

Spark: Yes, Blanche, but I am not easy to manage.

[incorrectpokemongo]

Pshhhhh no I can set the battery up all by myself. How hard can it be?

Spark, thirty seconds before electrocuting himself

[incorrectpokemongo]

Spark, commenting on a YouTube video: I'm holding back tears... This video is so powerful...

Candela, replying: boy shut yo sensitive ass up

Candela, two minutes later: never mind I just cried

[incorrectpokemongo]

Hungover. No words. Just memes.

Spark (source)

[incorrectpokemongo]

Spark: Hey guys, I’m making poke puffs in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap, wake me up in five minutes so I can flip them over.

Candela: Spark, it’s been five minutes. Flip your poke puffs.

Spark: snnnnzzzzz

Candela: SPARK YOUR PUFFS

[incorrectpokemongo]

Candela (to her team): Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking.

[later]

Candela: Professor, can we talk? One ten to another?

Willow: I'm an eleven, Candela, but continue.

[incorrectpokemongo]

Candela: 1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you.

Blanche: THERE ARE 8 PLANETS YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!

Candela: VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU

[incorrectpokemongo]

I just started Pokemon Go and how can I decide what team I fit best in? I'm leaning towards Valor or Mystic, but I can't choose between the two.

I’m glad you asked! Team Valor players believe that their Pokemon are great because of their pure strength. Other benefits to Team Valor include a courageous leader in Candela and a connection to Moltres. Team Mystic believe in wisdom, the study of Pokemon evolution, and are connected to Articuno. Blanche, their leader, is also very intelligent. And, just in case you didn’t want to rule Instinct out, they believe that Pokemon are strong because of their instincts and their leader, Spark, wants to study Pokemon eggs and the hatching process. Maybe you could pick based on what quality you admire most in your pokemon, or what leader’s personality you most resemble. Just remember that the team’s rivalry is meant to be friendly and fun, and Spark, Candela, and Blanche are all aides to the Professor, just studying different topics.So in the end, teams are just a way to advance their research. I hope this could help!

[incorrectpokemongo]

Blanche (raising their voice slightly so they can speak to candela and spark down at the other end of the grocery store aisle): Do you guys want any chips?

Candela (at full volume): I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS.

[incorrectpokemongo]

Spark: [before a date] I just have a few more questions for you, Blanche. What if he shows up with another man? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly? What if, instead of tic-tacs, I accidentally pop a couple of ambien and have to keep punching my leg to stay a wake.

Blanche: Those are all insane hypotheticals and I promise you they won’t happen.

[beat]

Spark: They have happened. All of these have happened to me.

[incorrectpokemongo]

Bless you and your blog holy shit

3

[incorrectpokemongo]

Idk if it's the right one, but Left Brain, Right Brain by Bo Burnham has the line "according to my calculations, you're a pussy" which might be where the "f*cking prick* one comes from.

Thank you! I'll throw something on the tags of that post to make it work.

[incorrectpokemongo]

According to my calculations, you’re a fucking prick.

Blanche