Incorrect Ruby Redfort

[incorrectredfort]

Hey y’all, I’ve been inactive for far too long, (blame work/school) but I’d just like to say, I’m SO MAD that I wasn’t here for the Area 51 craze because the raid x RR? Limitless potential.

Anyway that’s it thx I would promise I’ll start posting more but my mom taught me not to lie

[thatssomebutler]

ruby redfort: take your last breath

↳ “you look well.” ruby tried to sound casual, as if this evil genius was the very person she had been hoping to run into. “the sea air suits you, you been taking time off?”

[incorrectredfort]

Overheard

Hitch, to Ruby: okay high five for telling the truth but low five for stealing from Walmart

[incorrectredfort]

The Redfort Gang as things I’ve overheard my coworkers in the ER say - part 2

Blacker: what do you mean there are no bars open before 12??? We get off at 7 am the hell am I supposed to do in between then???

Froghorn: we could go to Steak ‘n Shake

Blacker: I CANT GET PLASTERED AT A STEAK N SHAKE

[incorrectredfort]

The Redfort Gang as things that I’ve heard my coworkers in an ER say

Mrs. Digby: well merry fucking Christmas and a happy fucking new year ma’am

Hitch: I decided that I’d rather go overseas and get shot at than have to deal with angry parents kicking me off their porch

Red: Where the fuck did they get Kool aid and how did they misuse it that badly?

Froghorn: I get paid the monetary value of a pat on the back

Clancy: my mom used to spike her got chocolate and I wouldn’t know so I’d take it to school with me

Blacker: *wrapped up* you think the warm socks and blankets are JUST for patients!?

Mrs. Digby, sliding open a drawer: you look like you like sour gummy worms, go on, take a few handfuls hun

[incorrectredfort]

The Redfort Gang as Cards Against Humanity Players

Clancy: the one looking up all his cards on Google Images because he doesn’t understand them

Elliot: Laughing hysterically when the judge reads his card, giving himself away

Froghorn: The judge that takes everything extremely literally, doesn’t get any of the irony or sarcasm of the game

Del: Only uses the sexual/inappropriate cards, (Daniel Radcliffe’s delicious asshole is her personal fave)

Mrs. Digby: The judge that sits there staring and refusing to talk until everyone quits talking and quiets down to listen to the cards

Blacker: The one looking over at other peoples card, and spends each round trying to guess (out loud) who put in each card

Ruby: The one who has somehow won almost every round, despite people actively trying not to pick hers

Red: the one who hasn’t won a single round, insists each round “this is the one!!” (It’s never the one)

Hitch: The sneaky one that suspiciously always ends up with the best cards

LB: the owner of the cards, who is usually more worried about them being put away properly and orderly and people not spilling food on them than the actual game

[incorrectredfort]

Ruby: 🤫🤯🤪😊😖

Clancy: 😂🤣🤓😎😩🙄🙄

Hitch: .........

Clancy: the English language cannot fully capture the complexity of our thoughts, so were incorporating emojis into our speech to better express ourselves.

Hitch:

[incorrectredfort]

Hitch, trying to get Clancy to squeal after Ruby went missing: kid, Ruby would throw herself in front of a moving car for you

Clancy, not swayed: Ruby would throw herself in front of a moving car for fun

[incorrectredfort]

Ruby: LB gave me a get better soon card

Clancy: awwww, that’s sweet, I’m so glad to see you guys are getting clos-

Ruby, interrupting: I wasn’t sick. She just thought I should be doing better

[incorrectredfort]

Froghorn: this pillow is comfy, which one is it?

Blacker: that’s my ass, miles

[incorrectredfort]

Ruby, about to make a risky move:

Hitch: be careful, kid. There’s a lot that could go wrong here

Ruby: Bold of you to assume I care about the consequences

[incorrectredfort]

Ruby: the gods gave me depression because if my ambition went unchecked I would have bested them all in hand to hand combat by age 8

Hitch, concerned dad, who literally just had to stop Ruby from jumping off a cliff for shits and giggles: *sweats*

[incorrectredfort]

Froghorn: when I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I’m not proud of it.

Ruby: you’re kind of proud of it, you work it into a lot of conversations.

[incorrectredfort]

Blacker, defending Ruby: I love talking to Ruby and her friends!! It’s not like any of the boring people around here ever ask me what my top three favorite reptiles are!

[incorrectredfort]

Hitch: do you understand the plan?

Ruby: yup

Hitch: do you have all your gear?

Ruby: yup

Hitch: have you had breakfast?

Ruby: What? That’s really not important right now

Hitch: I added it because I care about you

[incorrectredfort]

Listen I am so tired and just had the longest day of my life but this came to me out of the blue and I had to get even a rough draft down before I fall asleep and forget forever.

[incorrectredfort]