direct-from-spm-quotes

the blog title is a lie, these are all from absolutely real in-game diaglogue

[incorrectspmquotes]

Count Bleck: What the hell happened to my castle minions?!

Dimentio: Okay, chill. There's this guy named Mr. L. He just moved in here, there was nothing we could do about it. He has a robot, and he's nuts.

[incorrectspmquotes]

I'm not gonna say that you're the best SPM blog on all Tumblr and you have the best characterizations of the minions but that's exactly what I'm saying. Thank you so much for your work!

AHHHH thank you so much??!!?! I’m so happy you like the blog bro!!!

[incorrectspmquotes]

Dimentio: See, see, one day, you’re gonna look back on this and laugh. 

Luigi: I assure you, for the rest of my life, every time I look back on this I will personally go down to the Underwhere and smack you.

[incorrectspmquotes]

Saffron: I wish you would just admit when you’ve made a mistake.

Merlon, stirring his coffee sincerely: Oh no, I just prefer it with salt.

[incorrectspmquotes]

Mimi: Use your muscles that you worked so hard for! 

Nastasia: He stopped working out last week. 

Dimentio: He’s weak. 

Mimi: Why did you stop working out?

O’Chunks: I was sad!

[incorrectspmquotes]

Peach: Take it from someone who knows: Your brother is definitely a geek.

[incorrectspmquotes]

Luigi: My condolences.

Dimentio, on fire: Keep them.

[incorrectspmquotes]

Princess Peach: Is this really how you imagined your life?

Luigi: Well, yes. But then again, I was a very depressed child. 

[incorrectspmquotes]

nice

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Dimentio: Jealousy is an ugly thing, Mimi. And so are you, in anything backless.

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Mimi: I wish I had the ability to make boys really nervous. 

Dimentio: Holding a really sharp knife to their neck usually does the trick for me.

[incorrectspmquotes]

Dimentio (on Mr. L): I just! Can’t with this guy! I don’t know whether to kill him or take notes!

[incorrectspmquotes]

Nastasia (sighs): ...What do you want?

Dimentio: What~?

Nastasia: What.... Do I need to give you all... to keep you down there for the evening?

Dimentio: I'm going to need a new gun.

Mr. L: Also one for the police girl.

Mimi: But I already have a gun!

Mr. L: Get that bitch a cannon! Bitches love cannons.

Nastasia: Anything else?

O’Chunks: A 70-inch... plasma wide-screen TV.

Nastasia: Really?

Dimentio: With Netflix.

Nastasia: Should it also be 3-D?

Mr. L: NO! That's a stupid fucking gimmick and everyone knows it!

[incorrectspmquotes]

Count Bleck: How much alcohol would it take for somebody to black out the previous day?

Dimentio: I don’t know. I only use heroin.

[incorrectspmquotes]

Mr. L: Of course I’m gonna explode. You think I’m not gonna explode?

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Count Bleck : So, in conclusion, you're all equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy, hysterical bird-brain homunculi. And I honestly can't even tell any of you apart half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass—which makes you all identical. All right, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world?

Mimi, O’Chunks, and Dimentio: Yes…

[incorrectspmquotes]

Dimentio: Count I am depressed

Count Bleck: Go see Dimentio the famous clown. He sucks shit and he knows it, he’s so fucking bad at everything it makes me roar with laughter. He weeps on stage because he know he is nothing.

Dimentio: But count-

Count Bleck: I know who you are.