Incorrect Welcome to Night Vale Quotes

"This blog is just... neat!" -Cecil "I thought it would be different... and it is!" -Dana "I've been stuck trapped here for decades. All I have is a can of self replenishing diet coke and a scratched copy of Death of a Bachelor. Please send help." - Huntokar

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Faceless Old Woman: Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safeword.

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Cecil: Were you smoking?

Carlos: No

Cecil: Then what's with all the smoke in the air?

Carlos, who accidentally burnt a pan: Ok. You caught me. I was smoking a whole pack of cigarettes.

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Cecil: Due to the lack of cicadas so far this summer, I will be climbing up the trees and screaming in their absence.

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Intern Maureen : The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.

Intern Dana: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.

Cecil: Write that down!! I'm using it for the ad break!

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Josh: Some people are like slinkies.

Tamika: Explain?

Josh: Relatively useless, but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

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Cecil: When I woke up I made breakfast, went for a jog, sacfriced to the blood gods, vaccumed and iron pressed the laundry

Intern Maureen: when I woke up, I spent an hour just waking up

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Carlos: What's for dinner honey?

Cecil: I can't tell you, it's a soup-rise

Carlos: Is it soup?

Cecil: I soup-pose it could be

Esteban: Enough with the soup puns

Cecil: You never soup-port my jokes

*After Dinner*

Esteban: It was flipping tacos

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Cecil: Hey babe?

Carlos: One second, I’m pouring various brightly colored liquids into bizarrely shaped vials and jars, and writing down random nouns and adjectives in a notebook. I’m really close to a breakthrough.

Cecil: Babe, there’s a stray cat in the backyard!

Carlos: *puts down the jar he was holding* I’m on my way.

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Cecil: Hey, have you seen my boyfriend?

Hotel clerk: What does he look like?

Cecil: He is beautiful. He has perfect hair and teeth like a military cemetery. Here, let me show you a photo.

Hotel clerk: Okay. Where did you see him last?

Cecil: What? Oh! No, he’s not missing, I just thought you should see him.

[mjulmjul]

Hello listeners.

[sadgollum-blog]

Anyway I hope this is something

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Josh: I accidentally put my car in neutral and revved the engine and then the guy next to me revved his engine and I'm like ‘Fuck, I gotta street race.

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Tamika: *rolls car window down* What seems to be the problem, officer?

Sheriff Sam: Get out of my car.

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Cecil: Dear Listerners, Station Management has banned me from saying the word twunk

Cecil: This is officially worse than the time they banned me from saying yolo

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Cecil: sometimes you just have to read a poem and feel yourself fall in love with the world again

Cecil: other times it's immersing yourself in the dirt and becoming one with the world again

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Carlos: You know the sound that a fork makes in the garbage disposal?

Carlos: That's my brain when doing multiplication

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Kevin: I am so full of love

Kevin: And anger

Kevin: Like a lava lamp