W R E N

Queer Ace | Live Laugh Love 5sos

[ineffable-wren28]

Sure, maybe my love is a sin. But I have to believe that God is far more forgiving to someone who loved in the wrong way than someone who hates in any way at all.

[ineffable-wren28]

if I had 20 minutes of free time I would be cutting my my own hair. literally the only thing stopping me is the stress of 4 unfinished assignments

[ineffable-wren28]

Just had a panic attack for the first time in my life :)

[ineffable-wren28]

I'm officially getting my spark back (going back to writing my Lego Batman fanfiction)

[ineffable-wren28]

I know it's getting bad again when I start writing like it's me breathing

[ineffable-wren28]

I love treating my tumblr like a diary

[ineffable-wren28]

I don't understand what's so wrong with me that no one wants to be my friend. I have friends, sure, but only a handful, and none that I'm really close to. I try so hard to talk to people and to make connections, but at the end of the night I'm alone anyway.

[ineffable-wren28]

I wish I was more selfish. Maybe then I’d have the courage

[ineffable-wren28]

I keep the things that hurt me

present in my life

because even though I know I won’t do it

I like to think that I might

[ineffable-wren28]

my hands shake

as the first drop falls

and the inkwell fills with blood

i don't know how to write

if the ink isn't red

[ineffable-wren28]

I have these good days. Days where I get out of bed and feel like it’s going to be a good day. Days when I don’t lie around, waiting for a reason to get up. but then the bad days come back. The days when I realize how painfully alone I am. That I have friends who I love more than anything, who I wish I could be with all the time, and they see me as some second option, barely worth their time. The bad days come back and they stay for a week, and slowly that weeks spreads into 3, and then it’s a month. The good days stay away, until one day I feel a comforting breeze that stays for a moment until the suffocating grey crashing down on me again. I don’t think I have a good life. I don’t think it’s a happy life. I think I have a bad life filled with sadness and upset, and I have these good moments I cling to with all my strength. And it scares me because I want to have a beautiful life, but maybe that’s not what’s coming next.

[ineffable-wren28]

I love have dorky little hobbies and watching my dorky little YouTubers and just living my life to the fullest. I don't know, there's just something so relaxing about just... being myself.

[ineffable-wren28]

I keep waking up thinking I'm at home. I think I'll open my eyes and see the same side of my desk I saw every morning for 12. I think I'm covered in the same warm blanket I slept with every night for 3 years. That when I get out of bed my feet will touch the same soft carpet that has covered those floors since we moved in. Then I open my eyes and see the unfamiliar white blankets of my roommate sleeping on the other side of the room. I'm covered by an unfamiliar blanket, in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar city.

I used to hate my mother. When things got bad the first time I blamed it all on her. I told myself myself I had a horrible childhood, that she caused trauma that I'd never recover from. Suddenly it's getting bad again, and the only place I can imagine myself feeling safe is in my bed, my mother sitting next to me rubbing my back like she used to when i was eight.

Home was never the house we lived in. It was never the bed, or the decorations. it was always the people. It was my mother, who laughed at every joke I made even when I thought it was stupid. It was my father, who would do anything for me. It was my brother who, despite being the most annoying person I've ever met, has always been and always will be my best friend. The people that made me feel safe, gave me comfort on the worst of my days.

I'd do anything to get just one more day living with them.

[ineffable-wren28]

Do I know how to flirt with girls? Yes... theoretically, at least. In practice? No. Not at all. When I talk to pretty girls all I do is giggle awkwardly and scream internally.

[ineffable-wren28]

Before a heavy storm, there are signs. There are signs in the clouds, in the smell of the sky, that strange stillness in the air. There is a feeling that the world withdraws for a moment, that there is a moment, right before the first drop of rain, when everything stops.

There was a moment like that before you. Before my love for you rained down like a storm, drenching me in happiness I had never before known. There was a moment when the world stopped spinning, the clocks stopped ticking, and the noises that surround me turned off. There was nothing except me and you.

My periphery blurred, leaving nothing visible except you in front of me. Your eyes closed, head thrown back, a slight flush rising to your cheeks as you smiled form ear to ear in the joy of laughter. Oh, my love, the joy I felt knowing that I had to power to make you so happy. You looked your most beautiful that day, in the stillness of the moment. I have never forgotten how beautiful you looked.

There is a moment, right before a storm, when the world is still, when the world withdraws, and your heart is lighter knowing that good things are coming. There is that moment, my love, in every moment with you.

[ineffable-wren28]

I think, at my core, I am a sad person. I see the worst in everyone, I see the worst in myself, and I see the bad side to every situation. But just because I am sad, doesn't mean my life has to be. I listen to songs that make me feel happy, I buy things in green because it's my favourite colour, I wear funky socks because it adds a little whimsy to my life. Maybe it won't fix me forever, but it makes each day a little happier than the last. And, really, what more can I ask from myself except that - to live tomorrow a little better than yesterday.

[ineffable-wren28]

I know her. I know her better than I've ever known anyone in my life. I know her laugh, her smile, her eyes, her lips. I have seen every part of her, and I have seen the parts of her soul she keeps hidden from everyone else.

We did not just meet in this lifetime. We have met in every life since the start of the universe. We were never just friends - we have, and always will be, two stars that have found each other in every lifetime, in every form, and in every way.