a matter of gay or death

rez ∙ they/them ∙ all things hetalia ∙ multiships ∙ about 90% usuk ∙ I would die for aph england tbh ∙ my art/edits/stories are under #renzart/renzedits/renzfics respectively ∙ hetalia discord server, all welcome ∙ I write fics on ff and ao3 ∙ sideblog from my personal and multifandom ones

[infinitalia]

hey guys

so I'm not gonna be able to update ash song tonight. I'm still suffering the effects of those breakdowns last year but I've been slowly recovering since then. I am doing a lot better than I was this time last year, but I have not yet finished writing the latest chapter and there's no way I'll be able to get it done tonight. please enjoy this nonsense from a couple of months ago and I hope you're all doing well. happy 5th of november!

[infinitalia]

hey y'all, I've been off tumblr for a while for mental health reasons (which was terrible timing cuz missed all the suez canal memes and only found out like a week after they died down and I'm still super pissed off about that, but anyway lmao) and it's literally been a year since I updated ash song. what the fuck. anyway I know I (probably) won't be able to update it tonight but the date inspired me to write it for the first time in ages (tho idk how long that'll last cuz I'm kinda doing a pirates of the caribbean drinking game with my friends at the same time) but yeah. I'm writing some of it, and I've already done a fair bit this evening. I really hope I can update it soon, and maybe also come back to this hellsite at some point. hope you're all doing well and staying safe ❤️

[infinitalia]

Ash Song was a really great story that I enjoyed reading in this fandom. It made me laugh, mad, and cry; all of it made me happy! Don't feel too bad about not being able to update! I'm just glad to be apart of the journey, and I hope that you find some motivation and you feel better!

thank you so much! I'm really hoping so too

[infinitalia]

Hey man I'm 21 and lemme tell ya it doesn't get any easier

I only just saw this lmfao

I love the fact that you're younger than me and wiser than I'll ever be

[infinitalia]

what’s ash song?

it's this fic I've been writing for the past 5 years. I usually update on the 5th of november cuz it's the anniversary of when I first posted it and the date is kinda symbolic in the story

[infinitalia]

hey guys. I need to talk about ash song. there may be some triggering stuff below with regards to mental health issues so I'll include the rest under the cut.

so tomorrow's the 5th of november and I always update ash song on it. always. and I'm not sure if I can do it this time. I don't know, I might surprise us all and actually do it. but I had a very bad breakdown a couple of months ago, and I haven't recovered from it. I thought I had for a while, but then it got bad again

and the thing is, I want to write it. so badly. I first started writing it during one of the worst times in my life, when I was trapped on the other side of the family with cruel relatives and writing was my only outlet. it's weird that a dumb fic about personified landmasses of all stupid things has been like therapy for me, but it always has. right from the start, it was a recovery story. for the characters, and for me. I've vented out so much of my own trauma through it, and every time I update it and read all your lovely comments, it makes me feel so much better about everything

I love this story and what it means to me writing it. but I haven't written in months and I can't find any inspiration or any motivation and I hate feeling like this. I hate knowing I'll help myself by writing it but being unable to do so. you know, when I was 14 I once spent a summer writing and I managed to pump out 52k words in 2 months. like, how the fuck? what the hell kinda shit was 14 year old me capable of???

I miss that. I miss that so much. and I miss this story so much too. I miss how good writing it made me feel. I just wish I could do that now. who knows, maybe I will. I know the advice people usually give is not to pressure yourself. that the anniversary really is just like any other day, that it doesn't need to happen tomorrow. but I can't stand feeling like this, and I know how much worse I'll feel if I don't. I know exactly what I need to do to at least help me feel a bit better, and I'm so scared that I can't do it

[babysgarage]

ne ne darkness my old friend

[ask-steampunk-america]

REBLOG IF YOU'RE AN ACTIVE HETALIA BLOG

I wanna collab, interact, and send general asks to people but 75% of the people I follow are dead... So reblog and I can start hoarding what little of the fandom there is lol

[infinitalia]

petition to rename hws's france, spain and prussia to the one braincell trio

[lemonerix]

Hetaween day 4: Shadow

"Be wary, remember that there is always more than meets the eye. The most innocent smile might be hiding a beast underneath; a laugh might be a shadow of a broken masquerade."

***

I planned another one shot for day four, but I forgot to save and it's now lost forever ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ. Anyway, here's day 4 for @hetaween-hetaliaevent !

[infinitalia]

you ever just wanna post a thing to cheer people up but you just know the discourse gremlins will find it and tear your mental health a new one

[helltalia-inc]

Reblog this post if you are an ACTIVE HETALIA FAN (2020)

[armania-mothe]

Ne ne Papa hdtpm

It's back 😔👌

Feel free to use!, just give it a 👍💕 or a reblog <3

[ireallylikefrance]

this blog’s existence is solely for fruk. i really like that ship because they have a really good dynamic in the fanon. i’m not really into hetalia anymore, but when i see good posts, art, and fics about hetalia i reblog them here so they don’t clutter my main blog.

but listen.

the fandom gets a new season after years of dormancy, and people are happy because of it. why do people outside of the fandom feel the need to shit on it?

people in the fandom know the first seasons are bad. they don’t like them either. people in the fandom recognize that aspects of the show are problematic. you don’t need to point that out to rile people against it. people in the fandom are oftentimes more attached to individual characterizations and character dynamics, and more often than not they like the fanon more than the canon.

the people excited for a new season of hetalia are not people who think the first seasons of the show were good, they’re fans who are grateful for a revitalization of a fandom thought to be as good as dead.

having issues with 2008 hetalia is fine and good, but it doesn’t give you reason to shit on a new season.

[sneakydraws]

combining 21: a national animal and 22: family! as everyone knows im a slut for sibling relationships ha

[justahetaliafan]

America: What the fuck is lgbtq+??? Y’all have gay premium?

[hailwestexas]

with us hetalia fans getting a new season soon i really hope we won’t have to relive those years. we will be getting new fans most of them probably will be young and probably won’t even know the fandoms history and won’t realise the harm in some of the content they will share or create. everyone be careful don’t attack new fans *if* they’re just young kids instead help them understand and teach them what is “right” we finally made peace within the fandom and after so many years of weird chaos now we’re actually one of the few fandoms that are calm and peaceful let’s not loose that.