Infinity Can Wait

[infinitycanwait-blog]

The only thing stopping me from slitting my wrists is that I don't want him to see it.,

[infinitycanwait-blog]

I'm not fully welcome here, but I'm no longer welcome in my own home.  I don't belong anywhere.  I have nowhere to call my own in this world.

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

I feel like I've been trying forever, but one can only attempt for so long before they don't have the energy anymore.

r.g. 'I'm so tired of trying'

[infinitycanwait-blog]

I. You were a betrayal, a lie I told myself to not feel numb. II. With you, I slit my wrists and it felt like love. I was too young to feel like this. III.  I trusted you and you let me down. I’m not something that you can play with. IV. You are the only man I would honestly say I made love to, but when you left, I could feel your touch for months. It still hasn’t gone away. V. I didn’t even remember your name, and you didn’t give a shit.   VI. You are my safe place, but whenever you disappeared, I felt like my gravity did as well. I’ve cried in your bed more than I’m willing to admit, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat. VII. You were a mistake I’m willing to try again, because you make me feel nothing. VIII. I felt sick after I let you touch me, and then I let you do it again.

Things the boys I’ve fucked need to hear.  (via infinitycanwait)

IX. You are one of the most kind people I've ever met and I am so sorry that I broke you.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

You may want me to be happy and serene for once, but I've always been this way. I'm scared of who I am without it.

anxiety; r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

Smoking is a nasty habit, but it's easier to quit than you.

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

My heart is made of paper and glass, and you managed to drop it.

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

I can't breathe and I need to leave.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

Feeling like you're a second choice is awful. Knowing you are is a different matter altogether. Knowing you are makes it feel like your heart just got ripped out of your chest.

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

She will always be here, like a steel knife wedging her way into my subconscious. When you close your eyes in bed, in the spaces between your fingers, in the curve of your spine. When you touch me, I can't help but think you're thinking of her. You will end up with someone like her. Someone who you don't have to think hard about, someone pretty who won't make your life interesting but will make it easy. And I think you know that. That's why you text her when we're together and text her when we're in bed and text her when we're dating. You know it's not going to be me. Of course you have a backup plan.

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

i may have promised you, but some promises can't be kept.

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

i was never going to be your one. you're going to end up with a beautiful girl who isn't too sad to breathe and who you can be with without worrying.

you’re going to end up with her

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

three years clean but when i put out my cigarette with my skin,  it was the only thing that made me feel anything

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

You used to care when I felt like dying. What happened?

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

I wonder what will kill me quicker: the cigarettes or the waiting.

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

You only give a shit when I'm your happy little girl. But as soon as you can't understand my sadness, it's as if I never existed in your eyes at all. The caring goes out the window, and you will listen to me sob in the next room without batting an eyelash.

this is where i live

r.g.

[infinitycanwait-blog]

You get angry when I'm anxious, when I'm too afraid to function properly and my breaths feel like demons.  Why do you yell when I ask you for help?  Why do you call me ungrateful and selfish when I ask you to help me fix what you started?

r.g.