INFJ Love

A demisexual and sapiosexual INFJ grappling with love and heartache.

[funkymbtifiction]

Here because of that ask about the auxiliary function compensating for the inferior. How is it for aux Fe - inferior Se in INFJs?

INFJs have a tough time of things, because they repress their Se to some degree, and yet Se is the only function that is realistic about reality in their stacking. Under-developed Ni can leap to conclusions and believe them without any proof (not checking in with Se to gain real-world experience to prove them right or wrong). Ni and Fe together can form these assumptions about people, sometimes without consulting said person. Young/underdeveloped Ti looks for evidence to prove their forgone conclusion, rather than disprove it, and argues in circles in favor of what they have decided, rather than picks apart its own logic. So unless they develop Se, there's nothing grounding them in reality.

INFJs therefore can become too dependent on Fe (their ability to communicate, attach to other people, and understand them) and repress Se -- this makes them more "of the mind" than "of the body." Not interested in anything tangible or physical, in favor of what feels more natural and comfortable (being in a "mental" headspace). If they develop Fe properly, though, they can learn to challenge their own assumptions by connecting to people as individuals, rather than seeing them as something to analyze, solve, or abstracting away from the actual person and seeing something "else" instead (a symbol of humanity, etc). This can compensate for a lack of facts (Se) through a human connection.

[flagellant]

AND SOMETIMES, LOVE IS SHAPED LIKE A TRAINING CLICKER

Schrodinger, wherever he may be, is in a sealed box, and he is unobserved, writing love letters in mercury upon his skin, he is picking up the pen and dipping it into the poison, and he is writing over and over, "Pavlov, to whom I never got to meet," and you can never disprove this without finding him first.

While I exist superpositionally, this is what love brings me: I am more alive than dead, these days. God gave me teeth, and a jaw to bite down with, but it's nice to know that I'm able to sing, on average, more than any given swan.

And I could not have done it in a vacuum, there would not have been the air. No, instead, I was loved enough to be allowed to be observed when I was comfortable. And, sometimes, love is shaped like a training clicker, shaped like positive reinforcement, shaped like a series of low-to-high-value treats, done so slowly, so cautiously, that I would not even realize my belly was full until I was no longer hungry.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.

— E. E. Cummings

[hwhwgwhnwnwbwbwg-deactivated202]

“Beauty is rarely soft or consolatory. Quite the contrary. Genuine beauty is always quite alarming.”

-Donna Tartt

[infj-love]

Startling. Tantalising. Terrifying.

[derangedrhythms]

War breaks out between passion and love. In order to draw slumbering gentleness out to the point of fierceness. Living is not enough, it is necessary to set fire, climb the flames. Desire is their synonym. They shall sleep no more.

Hélène Cixous, Stigmata: Escaping Texts; from 'Hiss of the Axe', tr. Keith Cohen

[infj-love]

Gentle ferocity.

[noshadeintheshadowofthecross]

Guilty of Dust, Frank Bidart 

[infj-love]

Fate.

[cognitivefunctionscomics]

estj

- smiling in public, frowning when alone - appreciative of the art in movies and songs - never off social media - has trouble not seeing people as uncooperative chess pieces - big spender - says yes to every party and isn’t shy to contact friends, aka a networking god - beauty enthusiast but prefers natural and professional-looking stuff - actually tries to complete bucket list - hard to please, has clear preferences and never settles

esfj

- considers eating the main event of every getaway - throws the best parties - ‘golden retriever’ strategy for making friends: “just jump them” - works hard when not distracted by coworkers - remembers everything everyone has ever said and is touchy about dates - patiently explains to everyone why what they’ve said was socially unacceptable… ok, maybe just to me? - likes the idea of charity but isn’t idealistic about it - knows you’re around by the sound of your footsteps, like a puppy

istj

- works hard to hide weeaboo side - finds work relaxing - would probably enjoy the challenge of being a castaway - the kind of parent that scares away boy/girlfriends - has THE nerdiest hobbies - attempts professional fashion - probably the most reliable person in everyone’s lives - likes being pushed to improve and to be supported more than comforted - always happy to info dump - love language is being given their favorite coffee blend

isfj

- claims to dislike ‘messy animals’ but lives for their pets - loves action movies with big battles - work-oriented but easily distracted by gossip, as is esfj - always the voice of reason - pretends to not be a hopeless romantic - cautious to the point of anxiety; would, however, survive the apocalypse - despises gaudy, likes natural tones and classical fashion - nice but easy to offend and disappoint - dog-lover that can easily be made a crazy cat person - can’t watch nature documentaries without feeling sorry for the planet/prey

entj

- almost always dressed for a job interview - can’t work in a messy room - obsessed with life hacks and goals - preoccupied with drawing the potential out of things and people - jokes without smiling. good at poker - can be surprisingly reckless and hot-headed - likes fancy stuff and doesn’t mind paying for it - other than 'studying’, hobbies are traveling and exercising. cannot relax - cynical when young, now likes the idea of spiritualism - selective about the people they spend time with

entp

- knows the solution to all problems but still has many problems - can’t help but worry that they talk too much and too quickly - literal pyromaniac. likes the color red as much as enfp - lights up every room they’re in… - takes nothing seriously, except video games. judges people who skip cutscenes and name their characters badly - soul leaves body during boring activities - criticizes action movies’ physics and combat - considerate but doesn’t hold back during arguments - attached to weirdly specific things and moody about them - irritatingly decent at everything - at risk of laughing during a funeral

intj

- pretends to not care but has secret vent blogs - blog/avatar/website is minimal and monochromatic OR sparkly and rainbow - seems shy from a distance but really isn’t - bitter about lots of things; chooses to cope alone in 'rational’ ways - religiously relies on to-do lists, which i find adorable - practices fiction writing by roleplaying and creating characters - hides nerdy side by acting professionally - uses fashion to make a statement - likes cute-creepy things - researches everything about a place before visiting - doesn’t mind friends who show up twice a year

intp

- has considered going to jail for alone time - routinely baffled by people - can’t play horror games, gets too much into it - unintentionally offends everyone - feared until seen as a dork, then is never again taken seriously - dreams of uploading the internet into brain and vice-versa - minimalist to maximize free time; wastes it by daydreaming - always late, starving, and sleep-deprived - can’t enjoy anything without also criticizing it - slow to understand dirty jokes - could spend whole life studying everything and achieving nothing - rebellious, always trying to 'hack the system’

enfj

- adores art in general; singing, writing, sewing, acting, painting… - makes getting along with everyone at work a priority - jokingly? uses terrifying memory to emotionally blackmail people - often stressed juggling many projects, lives on coffee - cheerleader sort. will fight you for wasting your potential - probably the most extrovert person everyone knows - more cunning than they present themselves - dresses to impress

enfp

- shows up with a meme after 6 months of radio silence - can’t stop talking yet insists they’re shy - has too many interests and projects. finishes anything by divine intervention - fascinated by fire and the color red, same for entp - acts like a dork but is sharp and opinionated - can’t do anything soulless, has to have ‘willpower’ and ‘inspiration’ - can’t see their natural talents - has serious regrets for someone still reckless - will name their children after videogame characters - Sinammon roll

infj

- piercing gaze is somehow also dreamy - trust issues. likes gathering intel before 'investing’ on someone and to have the upper hand - perfectionist whose work is never done - researches a lot before buying something expensive and then cherishes it - worries about seeming unapproachable - puts too much effort into planning their house decor - diplomatic as possible just before door-slamming people - never deletes anything from computer - surprisingly hard to please - loves shipping characters and people and analysing their compatibility

infp

- clumsy, may apologize to inanimate objects they bump into - loves photography/cosplaying/fashion but shy to expose themselves - idealized future is a coffee shop AU - serious fangirl/boy but dislikes shipping wars. has fanart folders - listens to surprisingly edgy music - surprisingly good with details, remembering dates, being on time, etc. but room is messy - people-pleaser but not a doormat; has a strong sense of justice - cherishes gifts forever - doesn’t like killing bugs but is fine with gory movies - kinda bonkers about cats

estp

- ambitious and restless, always looking for fun, opportunities, and shortcuts - has many friends and enemies - “hands off” kind of boss but overly critical when bothered - can’t end the day without pushing someone’s buttons - confidence is a two-edged sword - secretly soft for sweet people - too generous with their time and money - hates hypocrisy, but judges rule-breakers while being one themselves - blames the world when feeling stifled. sometimes disappears - reckless to the point that death/jail time would surprise no one

isfp

- wants fame but avoids attention like the plague - shares about 15% of their artsy side - great at being sneaky - collects pretty little trinkets - hopeless romantic. has stashes of love letters/novels/manga - loves animals but would rather die than touch a slug - loves fashion but is too shy to wear anything daring, slowly works on confidence and external identity - can be surprisingly cold - hates stress more than anyone - seen as a cinnamon roll even when being rude

esfp

- lives for the memes - gets away with everything. would probably get away with murder. - cannot hurt a fly (unless drunk and doing stupid shit; actually, sometimes bites) - never seen truly angry, ever - ideal habitat is hippie/surfing camp with a nearby nightclub - loves all animals, especially silly-looking ones - becomes driven when the situation requires and when stressed - always moving and meeting new people out of boredom - good at games and plays for fun

istp

- likes the idea of the military/police but has trouble following orders - oblivious when being flirted with - carefree but reliable when it counts (and not pranking you) - quiet and even quieter when moody. hates failing and being unable to fix a situation - a genius at whatever they put their mind into (for two days tops) - wears the same jacket everywhere, sometimes doesn’t comb their hair, sleep schedule is nonexistent - good at games and plays to win

[infj-love]

Also INFJ -

Positive melancholia. Lost in words, sounds and dreamscapes. Feels everything and nothing. Collects emotions and experiences like others collect trinkets.

[blackthunder137]

I don't know what they are called, the spaces between seconds- but I think of you always in those intervals.

- Salvador Plascenia

[infj-love]

INFJ #thoughtstruggles

INFJ: Did this really happen that way, or was that just the way that I perceived it did?

INFJ: But this happened in a vision that I had before this event even happened, and hence before I had a preconceived idea of how it might unfold?

INFJ: I AM MAGICAL?!

INFJ: But… Maybe this is hindsight bias. Oh god, what if my perceived reality is all garbage?

INFJ: But wait, I have evidence about my intuited prediction! I THINK?? Hang on, let me retrace back my steps and write it all down, this might take a while.

[infj-love]

This happened again... Both gratifying and exhausting to be so accurate.

[infj-love]

The world wearies me, yes, but today, not as much as I'm tired of myself.

[derangedrhythms]

“In sexual desire, we confront our deepest biological being, ‘we taste our own roots, come to fullest flower’. This somehow makes the passion associated with death ‘utterly desirable’. ‘Passion’, he concludes, ‘is the only teacher – and so Death comes to be the only school.”

— Jonathan Bate, quoting Ted Hughes from ‘Ted Hughes: The Unauthorised Life’

[sustancy]

[infj-love]

red haze

[spectralsuggestions]

i like the concept of soulmates—not a “you’re destined to meet me, and love me” kind of soulmate, but a “i’d pick you, every time.” kind of soulmate. a “no matter what happens, and what has happened, i want to go through it with you.” kind of soulmate. a “i love you by choice, and you’re a blessing, and i’m going to continue thinking about you this way not because i have to but because i want to.” kind of soulmate. a “you help me rest easy when everything is difficult” kind of soulmate. a “in every possible outcome, i want you there, to share it with me.” kind of soulmate.

[infj-love]

I'd know you wherever, whenever, however we met. I'd know you by the peace I was given, the softness l felt, the strength that I found inside.

[selkielore]

negative space

[infj-love]

For most of my life, I have felt nothing, and thought nothing.

I was separate even to myself, often a little numb, only ever being able to observe myself from afar.

Disconnected, incorporeal, insubstantial, invisible. Maladapted to this world made for the extrovert, the doer, the braggart, the brash.

Over many years, I painstakingly had to learn. Thoughts were discovered, as if they had been hidden from myself. Emotions were awakened, as if sculpted, dormant, from a block of marble. Whilst others raced ahead, living, doing, I was on the slow path.

I took deep breaths, forged ahead. As I gained some courage, I picked up the pace, learning about myself and connection.

But still, how was it possible that I felt so little when meeting so many romantic matches, despite the reaching for commonality, the sharing of confidences, the intrigue of the conversation.

And now, I know. Because they simply do not signify; the activation energy has not been overcome.

Once it has, I feel everything. I feel the elemental, the kinetic, the chemistry, all as tangible. There is the pull of our attraction, the magnetism in our ease, the rightness in being.

My body sings and my soul soothed whenever you're near.

Oh, now I know. It is simple, molecular, magical.

I found home.

[infj-love]

This is how I love.

I don’t want normal. I don’t want dullness. I don’t want convenience. I don’t want easy for its own sake.

I want the fire and the flood, I want to risk my everything, not for a toss of a dice, but for the flash of brilliance, for the blinding light of the meteor streaking across the sky; the celestial sign of things to come.

I want the ordinary to be strong, immovable in its rightness.

I want the quiet to be laden, heavy with the heart’s own beat.

I want the duty to be a gift, a clear-eyed sacrifice willingly made.

I want the day to be bursting with hope and possibilities, and the night to be filled with intimate secrets and endless dreams.

I want hearts to be laid open, not in desperation but in communion.

I want the heat to be a raging inferno and the glowing embers, all at once, ever burning, never fearful that they should ever be smothered.

This is how I love. With every fibre of my being.

This is how I love. Without pride, without reserve, without pretense.

This is how I love. With quiet thought, with determined bravery, with extraordinary gentleness.

All of this is how I love. And this is how I deserve to be loved.

[infj-love]

Nothing has changed. I will journey on.

[infj-love]

I was dreaming about talking to my charges about love, and connection and meaning. And then this terrible numbness visited me.

I woke up to a broken feeling. Then a pressure a weight on my chest.

I don't know what it is.

Was there a sundering? Within or without? Is he severing something or did a dam breach inside?

This is the first time I've woken without talking to him in my dreams. That in of itself had been unusual...

Time will tell. Awaken, now.