You said you believe any grown adult attracted to a minor, even a 17 year old, is automatically a pedophile. But I assume you wouldn't consider somebody who had recently turned 18 dating someone still 17 to be much of an issue? Where do you personally draw the line? The man who killed Bianca was undoubtedly a pedophile- but at what age, or age difference, would you consider it problematic? 17 and 19? 20? 25? I'm just genuinely curious, because I've had many an uncomfortable debate about this.
I don’t consider any teenagers to be grown adults. So I think an 18 or even 19 year old attracted to a 17 year old isn’t the end of the world. I’m 19 and I personally couldn’t see myself with a 17 year old, but I also recognize that there isn’t a huge developmental or power disparity like there is in other relationships.
I’d be more concerned with someone in their 20’s wanting to date a minor, or someone in their late 20’s and up and up wanting to date a teenager in general, even if they weren’t a minor. A lot of this is just personal opinion as well. For example, IMO:
- 17 + 19, okay as long as age of consent/romeo and juliet laws are being followed. Not my cup of tea but I wouldn’t consider a 17 year old and a 19 year old dating to be a pedophilic relationship by any means.
- 17 + 21, gross, different life stages, potential for power differences. 4 years is a lot at that age.
- 18 and 26, predatory, completely different life stages, high schooler or young college student vs person established in their career, with almost 10 more years of adulting experience
- 20 and 30, also predatory, when you’re 20 you’re just out of your teens, still very immature in terms of brain development alone. Any normal, non-creepy person in their 30’s will not want to date someone who is just barely beginning to understand adulthood
- 25 and 40, also predatory, likely some sort of misogyny in het relationships where the man is older (some men think women are “used up” by the time they hit 30 and will only date young women in their 20’s - see Leonardo DiCaprio), different life stages, when the older person in the relationship was 25, the younger person was TEN. In FIFTH GRADE. Ew.
- 30 and 40, fine, by that time you’ve gained enough life experience and self exploration that it’ll be easier for you to identify and stand up to the red flags they tend to be present in age gap relationships. 30 and 40 also aren’t that different developmentally or in terms of life stages so there isn’t as much of a probability of an abusive power differential.
Now, this is all very much my opinion. Do I think it should be legal for a 22 year old and a 32 year old to date? Sure. Am I entitled to judge the hell out of them and consider the older person a gross creep? Also yes. But you asked, so that’s my opinion.