Valentine’s Day Starters:
“Thanks for the [flowers/chocolate], but I’m allergic.”
“Well, at least it was romantic up until I spilled the champagne on you.”
“Hey, come design custom, dysfunctional candy hearts with me.”
“So you’re my blind date?”
“Hey, I need your help. I bought you the biggest teddy bear they had in the store, and now I can’t carry it by myself.”
“Roses are red violets are blue, I can’t write poems for shit but I still love you.”
“Who are the flowers for?”
“I bet I know worse pick up lines than you do.”
“It’s technically for Valentine’s Day, but it’s also a ‘thanks for putting up with my stupid ass all this time’ gift.”
“I thought you’d look cute/handsome in this.”
“Please don’t be sad, I bought you three bags of candy.”
“I tried to make chocolate covered strawberries for you, but now I’m confused and you have to help me.”
“I know Valentine’s Day is supposed to be for couples only, but I wanted you to have this anyway.”
“Did you know there’s a 'Why I Must Have Sex With You’ Checklist? Also, did you know I bought it?”
“Why is Valentine’s Day the one day of the year we call stalkers 'secret admirers’?”
“I’d kiss you, but my breath smells like the fish I had at dinner.”
“I love you, but your [mom/dad] scares the crap out of me.”
“Okay, I made you a heart-shaped cake, but it coincidentally broke in half, so please don’t read too far into that.”
“Please just pretend to be my boyfriend/girlfriend so the creepy person leaves me alone.”
“Thanks for the gift, but I’m pretty sure this is the half-eaten chocolate bar I left in the fridge.”
“Oh my god, you just gave me the first Valentine I’ve ever received.”
“I got you a new perfume/cologne for Valentine’s Day because I can’t stand that one you wear now.”
“I bought handcuffs because I thought it’d be sexy, but now I can’t get out of them.”
“On a scale of one to pathetic, what does sending myself chocolates at work so my colleagues think someone likes me fall under?”
“I’ll be in my bedroom pretending that I don’t exist and that I don’t know what day today is.”
“Even though I’m not going anywhere because I’m alone, at least I look really good.”
“Before you try anything, I have my period today, so you’ll be getting nothing.”
“Today someone threw a candy heart at my head that said, 'you piss me the fuck off’.”
“You’re so out of my league. Good for me.”
“Hey! Just because it’s Valentine’s Day, don’t think that gives you permission to put your ice cold feet on me.”
“Oh my god, how did you know I wanted this?”
dededos
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
