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Maybe the silence isn’t written about because those are the things we hide in our closet.They are the things that puncture already open wounds, it starts at the surface and down to the bruise. We silence the kids saying they would rather kill themselves then enter another day at school with the same diplomatic bullshit. Our lungs are heavy with the smoke we inhale from the second hand smoke of the kids just asking for a little bit of attention. Or what about the kids who write in the bathroom stalls shattering their lovers names. Isn’t this fun, opening a silence that we have locked up for so long. My emotions are like weights around my ankles pulling me down further than the load on my shoulders. I’m tired of the miscellaneous sadness I have kept for so long. Maybe it is from all the skeletons we hide, like they have open up and spilled their thoughts to break the silence of our already broken hearts

#thoughts #silence #excerpt from a book I'll never write #writing #read me #read with caution

Weather is a simplistic thing yet it’s also very obscure. One minute there is a storm in my head trying to get me to count all the reasons I can’t sleep, although I’ve learned to count sheep. Maybe that weather in my head is telling me the things I need to hear most, those words bounce off me like beads of sand in an hour glass. Counting endless amounts of reasons for me to stay awake and be tired for yet another day. Sometimes the weather makes its way out my window and into to the streets, it runs rapidly through my mind leaving my body to ache. The lungs detach themselves and my ribs break leaving this ripped hole in my heart. The snow clears up, the rain fades away anytime I peered out that window my sadness goes away. Like the seasonal depression I can’t contain.I feel like I’m sleeping but I’m always awake. A pair of unidentifiable hands holds my chest down so hard I can barely breathe. The sleep paralysis wins again and I’m in defeat. The seasonal depression hits like the hands of a clock and time never seems to last. Days have gone quicker and my mind goes blank often from thinking too much and not wanting to be awake. Obscure ideas swirl around in a winter storm just like the tsunami in my head wanting me to be hit by every emotion I no longer need. It’s a numbing feeling; those emotions are, it’s a unsuccessful attempt to bring back who we once were.

-unidentifiable journal entry

C.

#obscurity #we write letters #weather #depressing thoughts #depression #sad #listen #read me #long reads

I strongly believe that the words: “I’m leaving.” will always be more than a meaning but maybe even more. Perception has always been an issue the way I perceive this message is a confrontation that you indeed know that you don’t want to leave anywhere but at the time your mind says otherwise. This is difficult because now I think of ways that meaning was significant and the significance was downed upon at the time. Leaving wasn’t the part that I miss understood it was the why you wanted to. My heart truly has a hole that sinks a little bit each time you flash into my head. We all say until we meet again but what if we never had to say that because you were in sights, laughing and crying in front of us. Emotional well being is what I face I’m scared that this will never be an issue for what everyone should understand and they don’t. For now this is stage 2 and I’m stuck facing the fact that I have to wake up and realize this is not what once was.

- C.S

#excerpt from a book i'll never write #writing #discussion #sad #poetry #poets on tumblr #read me #short reads

I have never saved my pennies on rainy days, usually I spent them right away assuming that I’d get something with them.That was ten years ago, back then I thought everything was fine and now I see the skeletons that have slept in the closet and have been packed under my bed. The dark has never been a problem but the light, it’s consuming every inch of my brittle bones. My mind deepens in despair knowing those pennies are like thoughts that could have been kept. Now everyone knows what has never been said and what secrets have been kept.Two years ago we came to a road block, a two sided street that could’ve ended two ways, it ended in the one we least expected. It’s the outcome of strangers consumed by anything but a sense of happiness or direction. It’s like we’re longing to be lost, from anywhere but here.

-an endless discussion

C.

#we write letters #writers #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #long reads #read me #read sober #lustful

I want to tell you everything you want to hear, but lately my mouth is sewn shut and I’m drowning from ear to ear. This isn’t the what comes next or the what comes after it’s the before. Before the heartbreak and unsatisfaction. It’s the intuition of it all, it’s like trying to breathe knowing you’re seven feet deep underwater, and for that the water fills your lungs and that itself is like the whole in your heart. Small but growing overtime, the little problems that stack up until it becomes so destructive it can’t hold anymore. This is the turning point.

-untitled no.7

C.

#excerpt from a book i'll never write #writers #writing #long reads #read me #sad #lyrical #mental health #i’ll delete this later #it’ll be okay #sober thoughts

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