as a final post to round out the event……i originally wrote fabien’s judging with ursula drunk, before tobias / @drkvoids intervened and sent ursula to the hospital. here is the drunken version for your amusement. enjoy >:33333
ursula’s jaw is on the table. words rush to the surface, but lose themselves in her raging stupor, tangling on her tongue before they can make their way out of her mouth. god. fuck you. really. DQ. she wants to scream. she only sobs.
“well,” zoey says, breaking the silence, “that…certainly was a statement.”
“it sure was!” tobias sports a broad grin. “10/10 on originality, for sure. the daring. the excitement. the passion! the risk! you’re the only one here brave enough to get on up on our table and take out your feelings onstage. as for your aesthetic, you had some very clever callbacks to your previous performances--though i do think that if you wanted to make this as extra as the lyrics, you could have gone way further. 5/10. lastly, for your adherence to theme, everything you did was the perfect encapsulation of a burning grudge. for that, i give you a solid 10/10. you got a 25/30 from me, then. great work!”
“i agree with tobias,” zoey says. “though i don’t approve of jumping on the judges’ table like that, the rest of the performance was very original in its use of moves, and very, very you. i’m so glad you were finally able to stand up to your former master. 6/10. your aesthetic was also simple, yet effective--and quite bold in the visuals you chose, so for that, i’d give you a 10/10. and as for adherence to theme…well, what can i say? another 10/10. this means your score from me is--”
“wait.” ursula’s voice trembles. she’s done being nice. she’s done holding it all in. “wait just a fucking sec.”
“what is it?”
“Did none of you FUCKING NOTICE…he used his whole performance to INSULT ME?”
“we did. and we don’t care,” tobias says, taking a sip of his hagafen.
“ursula, i’ve already said so many times that i hardly think that should be a consideration in your judging,” zoey sighs.
“OF COURSE IT SHOULBE!” she howls. “Y’MEANIF LIKE EVERY OTHER PERFORMANCESBOUT HATING ME--” hic--“I CAN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING?!”
“you’re exaggerating. there were like, what. two? three? maybe four? that were directed at you. that’s like, only a few out of _____. god, ursula. one would think that if you’d changed as much as you said, you would have grown a spine.”
“BUT HE STOMPED…HE STOMPED ON MY NOTE CARD! HE RIPPED IT UP!” hic! “YOU KNOW WHAT? NESSTIME WE ALL JUDGE, I’M GOING--I’LL--I’LL BRING SOMEONE IN--” hic--“THAT SHITS ALL OVER YOU GUYS!” hic! “BET’CHA WON’T BE SO PRIMNPROPER THEN, WILL YOU?”
“trust me,” tobias deadpans, “there won’t be a next time.”
“ursula, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. you’re not fit to judge right now. please,” zoey says, straining to stay both kind and firm, “get off the stage.”
“I DON’T CARE! I…I…IDONGIVEASHIT! I’ve been shat on…for the LASSFUCKING TIME! By that group chat…By Birdy…By EVERYBODY! AND NOW…BY MY FRIEND? Fabien…” hic. “Yougeta ZERO!”
“on…everything?” murmurs zoey.
“YES! ON EVERYTHING! ZERO!…ZERO! YOU…GET A ZERO!!!”
"ursula, please, reconsider--”
“NO! THATSHIS FINAL SCORE! I…AM…A JUDGE. I CAN SCORE HIM…WHATEVERIWANT!”HIC. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND…FABIEN…”
“ursula--”
“you know what,” tobias huffs, “forget it. let’s just go to bonuses. she can’t be talked to right now. and i want to get this right the fuck over with.”
zoey sighs and nods. “good idea. we have to get ursula some help.”
“all right. so,” tobias says, with ursula sobbing into her drink in the background. “you get +15 for using attract, flamethrower and encore, and you get another +5 for using meteor beam to create a valentine’s day color, red, when it usually doesn’t make that color. this brings your total to…”
ursula projectile vomits onto the table and the ground in front of her.















