loving someone i can't have

I'm 24 f | in love with older men... | f/m | I'm G ♒ they are T & F ♎

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

About my blog, tc & bf for pinned♡

About me:

I'm G (24 years old), female, she/her

I'm an Aquarius and ENFP

I'm 1,65m and curvy

brown haired with a blonde preference (dyeing my hair blonde once in a few years)

I am a student at a professional school, our main focus lays on media design and media business administration, in August I start my fifth year, learned media design and got my degree for college and now I'll be learning business admistration

my hobbies are: film, editing/cutting, reading, music, photography

I've only romantically loved three people in my life

About my tc:

he is T (61 years old), male, he/him

he is a Libra

he is 1,80m and skinny

brown haired with gray streaks

T was my photography & film teacher for two years, now he is just "a teacher" in my school but he is mentoring me still

his hobbies are: music, film, art, photography, longboard

T is married

he has three daughters with two other women, one of his children is older than me and a doctor, the other two are younger

About us:

known him since August 2019, loving him since March 2020

we've had three hugs, four selfies, we met four times out of school to grab some drinks in a small group, we text through WhatsApp occasionally, we talk and laugh a lot

my close friends and my family know about my crush

I have one years left in this school

I post about everything what's going on with my tc

we are Europeans

I gifted him on two Christmases and three birthdays, he gifted me two years ago "for being such a great human being"

About my new bf:

he is F (41 years old), male, he/him

he is also a Libra

he's 1,90m and skinny

brown haired, green/grey eyes

his favorite color is green💚

he is Industrial Engineer for Energy Technology and has his master degree for Efficiency of Technical Systems🫡

his biggest passion are bicycles, he lives for bikes and is an activist for climate protection and energy-saving mobility, for example better cycle paths and public transport🌳🚲

he is divorced and has three children from two women, which are 18, 11 and 3 years old

an absolute romantic touchy person and gentleman when he's not teasing me😜 but !only! in real life, through text he's always a little rougher (when he's not horny😂)

About us:

met around 6 months ago in the train when we picked up something together

our relationship dynamics: teases, know-it-all, philosophize about everything, books, hugs, cuddles, baths, laughs, tongue kisses, music

I can be my absolute self with him, no hiding or holding back, he brings out the best in me, we share the deepest thoughts and past with each other, no judgements ever made

the first man ever that reciprocates my feelings❤️

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

My dearest followers...my love life's officially lost.

Long stories short:

I'm out of school but still in contact with T whom I've seen three times last week! It was his birthday and I gave him a present for which he thanked me so hard. We went to a fair to represent the school, which we didn't do at all cause we were lost in conversations and at the end of the first day he asked "Are you here tomorrow too?", and when I said I would try to come he said "I would love that!"😱 I went there and we had another amazing convo hours!

F and I only had few interactions since May. We had still written flirty things and were circling around each other until he brought his girlfriend to a fair in which he introduced her !!!!and me!!!! to his family and it ended with me spending the whole day with his daughter, mom and sister. Now...we write once every or every second month and to be honest...it fucking hurts because I still have feelings for F.

If you think, it ends here...you are wrong. I live in my appartment since 4 years and I always had a thing for my neighbour and I always were sure he had felt it too. So recently I went to my dad, I waited on the bus stop when my neighbour stopped by with his car. He asked me where I wanted to go and when I told him, he invited me to get in and drive me to my dad. He did and we talked a lot, in the end we exchanged numbers and it went to the point he told me "When you feel lonely let me know!" On the other hand...when I was 13 I was doing judo and there was a coach, around 35 years old, he then added me on facebook and wrote me suspect messages. Again: I was 13 back then. We always stayed in loose contact and recently it took its toll to the point we now exchange self deleting naked pictures and he almost visited me at home last week, but we delayed that meeting!🙊 Last but not least. Until F and I had sex I was a virgin. My body count now is 2. This time it's again been age gap but I was the older part. Can you imagine? He is 20 while I am 24 now. But there is a catch. He is my brothers best friend and my sisters ex boyfriend. We fuck once a month. Sometimes we do foreplay without finishing. We do it whenever we feel like fucking and it's good. His d*ck is huge🫢

That's the tea! Also.....there is a man, 28 years old, crushing on me since almost 2 years. We had three dates but I can't find him attractive. I tried because I felt it would be good having someone love me instead me being the hopeless onesided crushing. But I can't act liking him but he tries and tries again. I almost feel sorry because I would love to like him back. I just can't...

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

SOOOO it's my birthday and my best friend told everyone😂 When she told T, he congrated me and he did something very unexpected. We hugged two times in 5 years, I asked for the hugs every time and today he opened his arms widely. No comment, he just stood there with open arms. I was so overwhelmed and then hugged him tightly. He closed his arms around me and we hugged for a few seconds and that right there in the hallway. Later I brought him a piece of cake which made him very happy. I LITERALLY DIED.💜

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My life feels so unreal right now. I'm nowhere undone with fixing sh*t. Debts and unsure future are a constant fear. But on the other hand...this year was filled with so many positive changes. My second education is over in May and I'm happy that my hunger for this school, the people there, especially T is no longer that present as it used to be. I still get crazy heartbeat when he's around and talking to him feels still so good. The memories will never fade nor go away. T shaped me in ways he cannot even imagine in his wildest dreams. I lived a vivid dream since 2020. Everything changed. I cannot imagine a life without him for real but it's different now. It became a platonic love with hints of attraction towards him. I want to be able to contact him for any reason without thoughts back in my mind, being real friends, despite that age difference. I'm not sure if I should ever tell him what I felt for most time those past 3,5 years. I'm happy with how it is right now. I can rely on him, he's always got my back and helped me by pushing me to my best in school and anywhere.

But to why my life feels so unreal now. This last half year was overwhelming. I did not only met a man that means everything to me. To the amount I only care about him being well. The most selfless feelings I ever had for someone. I also won two competitions with my movies. I went to two winner journeys. I got a job offer in Munich which is for a very well known charity company but also 6 hours away from my hometown in which my family, my friends and my boyfriend live. But also my work is here. I work for a big car seller. I keep their social medias updated which I earned after my internship. And it involves all my skills from my education. But I also work as photographer for local politics which is a job I got through F. It opens doors for me and I finally have money to get myself through tough months. My personal relationships start to finally have the adulty they should have. A man that wants not just my body, but also my mind, wants to know me and opens up to me either. I started forming slight bonds with his children. My siblings that are more like my own children love him and also started bonding with him. I have a status in school. I'm someone people ask when they need help, me and my best friends are the go-to students for all our teachers, we literally became legends there. My family loves me. My friends are always there for me when I need them and other way around. All those things overwhelm my mind. I never felt so seen and I love it.💚💜

[cherryblossomlvr-deactivated202]

Reblog if you think there is nothing wrong with an age gap in a relationship.

[ihnibroxd]

Him being 21 years older than me

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F casually slapping my a*s IN THE TRAIN after me being cocky to him was a huge turn on🥵💚

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T's birthday was last week but I was sick so I had to give him my present today and he was so damn happy, called me sweet and he LOVED it💜

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F and me met spontaneous on Sunday. I was feeling very frustrated for a few weeks now cause I really miss our nights together and he somehow always avoided my tries to turn him on. I then told him that I was frustrated about this, we had a very serious chat and I wrote that I hate writing about it instead of talking so he invited me into his garden. When I arrived he already had put on a fire. He gave me a blanket, then we sat there before the fire and just talked. He told me that he is in a very emotional state at the moment because the arguments with his ex and ex mother-in-law are escalating at the moment and he doesn't want to wipe out those thoughts about a woman while sleeping with another woman. He actually disclosed everything that went wrong with his last relationship. We've read all our chats on my phone and discussed our needs very clearly. (While lead to a reveal that I had saved his name on my phone with a green heart. And all he said about that was that he was offended that him and my dad share the same heart shape just with different colors😂) At some point he pulled me close and held me in his arms the whole time. He opened up about so many things, about his bad personality traits and how he was working on them. I told him for example a lot about my past loves. He thanked me for everything I've done for him with a kiss on the cheek and that he finds me so interesting, especially with my backstory and because we are literally from different social statuses. And that our early stage is already so much more intimate than his whole last relationship was because they never talked about feelings and how she would never open up to him. We laughed about so much stupid little things we talked about. Shared a cup of tea, watched the moon and just talked for three hours straight.💚

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

Today F and me drove train together again. At the moment it's only one or two times a week but this morning was different. We had very serious topics about how his ex and her mother are making his life living hell, how they tried taking his daughter away from him, his ex-mother in law literally being physically aggressive towards him in front of the kids. I was shook. He told me some difficult personality traits of him and said that I really have to be sure that I can deal with them or else we will most likely end up breaking up. (Tho these traits were literally not that bad and I can 100% deal with them...he can be glad that we met because I'm one of the most tolerant and forgiving people ever!) When we got out of the train he invited me to have breakfast with him, so he bought us a pretzel each, we sat down on a bench at the central station and talked about stuff while eating. Few hours ago he gave me one of his bikes for my sister because tomorrow there is a childrens bike demonstration and my baby sisters (she's 8) bike is broken. So tomorrow I will again spend time with him and probably get to know his third and smallest child. She is just 3 years old and I'm so excited to meet that cute baby girl🥰💚

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

Regarding F ... some things happened since the gardening. Somehow after that he became very distant which I couldn't understand. I tried to reach him but he somehow blocked me off, said he doesn't wanna match trains, told me I maybe wouldn't understand his struggles because I'm the age I am. I then told him that I might be young but I could handle more than he would think of. He promised me to think about it. Few days later he wrote me a long text about his shitty week, after that he ignored me a good four day period which made me go crazy! On Wednesday I was so devastated, cried myself to sleep, cried in the classroom cause I thought it was over before it had actually begun. I tried to find reasons. Also on that Wednesday I had a sports exemption and when I went home and sat there on the track, I saw him rushing into the train. I got up so fast and ran into the train too, went straight upto him and confronted him. We had a talk about everything and he assured me, showed me his chats even that he hadn't answered anybody except for work collegues. That his weeks were so full of duties that he just didn't find any time to breathe but it gets better soon he promised. On that evening I brought him my laptop to fix it. On Thursday we accidentally met in the train, I was on my way to the ceremony I attended with T. In the afternoon he sent me some empowerments for it and how he was proud and knew I could do it with confidence and boldness. On Saturday then there was a market in my city which I went to with my little 8 year old sister, F was also there with the traffic club he volunteers for. They met and I met his second daughter. Him and my baby sister had so much fun, he drove her around with his cargo bike, gifted her childrens tattoos, a button and a little book. My sister and me had bought a little bit chocolate a few minutes ago. She gave the last one to F but he wasn't hungry so she gave it his daughter and she was so happy about that pink chocolate piece🤭 He then promised my sister that he would try to get a bike for her cause my sisters is too little for her and broken. In the evening then we wrote a lot, he had fixed my laptop and then he suggested that he would like to come over, bring me my laptop and do some things to me😂 He then came to my appartment the first time, I always was at his place so far. We had some very sexy and romantic "make up" hours but he needed to get back to his children. My mattresses are a little different in height which was a little bit annoying for us tho. Today he randomly called me to tell me that he has a mattress for me and he would bring it to me tonight😂 He did a few minutes ago. I just f*cking love him💚

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

On Thursday we got the award. One of the group members that was supposed to come with us got sick so we were even less people. One of the group members came by herself cause she had relatives in that city. My friend, me and T met at central station. First thing he wanted to get a snack but had 10 cents too less so I gave him the 10 cents. He came back like a little happy boy with his snack😆 We then drove Flixtrain and when we arrived we got to the hotel. We all had 40 minutes to get ready. I bought a long black dress, a belt, extra makeup and a pretty hair clipper. After getting ready I opened the door and there he stood...in a dark blue suit and white shirt. I melted right on the spot. My friend had forgotten something in our room so she went back, he then said "You are looking so good!", I replied "You too!". At the award we sat right next to each other. Before that we took photos of each other! While the ceremony he often teased me with his elbow, whispered things into my ear and when we got the price he grabbed me by my hips to guide me somewhere. I fucking CANNOT. After the ceremony there was a exquisite welcome with champagne and appetizers and we all drank a little bit too much. To that I saw him smoking a cigarette for the first time ever and GOD THAT WAS ONE OF THE HOTTEST THINGS I'VE EVER SAW!!! Back to the alcohol...we stood there shoulder on shoulder, drank, talked to the people. I also found out that he became grandpa a few months ago. So I'm having grandpa issues? When we left we searched for food in the city, ran drunk around and couldn't find anything. Then there was a McDonalds so we sat in McDonalds with suits and dresses, drunk and ate burgers that he paid for us. In the night T and me brought the girl with the relatives to the central station cause the city is known to be not safe at night. So T and me walked back with each other, spotted romantic hotels and talked about all sorts of topics. He then brought me to my and my friends room. At morning we had a good breakfast and then went back home with Flixtrain. This time with major issues cause they cancelled our trip with no reason, and he refused that we get out. We tried finding a solution, booked other train tickets and then the conductor told us we could stay. To get back our money for the other train tickets because it seemed like we couldn't cancel them anymore, he called the service for us and put pressure on them. He showed such casuality, generousity and humor on those two days. I absolutely got reminded why I developed feelings in the first place💜 and I am so happy I got to experience that in my last year of school!

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

F and me did some gardening today. We had some serious talks about the age difference. It wasn't very clever of me to tell him that my mom and dad had an age gap as well so he thought I'd have a "preference", so I had to make clear that I fall for personality, not age🙊 He was also very shook when he found out that my mom is just one year older than him. And he introduced me to his first born son too...it felt very special to me💚

To remind ya'll, he's 38, almost 39, and I am 22.

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

School started on Monday and the first thing T did was touching my back and yelling "Congratulations for the win!"...since Monday we are talking SO MUCH! Yesterday we booked train tickets and telephoned with the organizer. We then decided that we will have dinner after the award ceremony. And he looked so freaking good. On Monday he wore jeans, a casual tshirt and a black suit jacket on top, I literally internally screamed!!

The good thing about having feelings for someone else involved, it's very much easier to talk with him. I do not stutter and I'm not that nervous around him anymore. This takes so much weight off my shoulder!

In 28 days it's his birthday again and I'm very excited to gift him something again!💜

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

Last project week in June, I obviously was in T's project, we made a movie for a film competion and guess who won that competion? Right, our group. On September 14 T, me and two other group members are driving to the award event and will stay in a hotel🥰

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

I always had the problem that I have feelings for two people. My first ever love that was C lasted for 11 years, my second love T developed while I still had feelings for my first love. Now I've fallen in love again with F and I still have feelings for T.

He (F) is absolutely amazing. Intelligent, exactly my type, humorous. I will tell you the story. It was about two and a half month ago. My best friend and me were on our way to me in the regional train. She had bought a lotion for a very unpleasant matter and we joked "What if it drops out of my bag? That would be so embarrassing and funny!" So we sat in the train, in the seats next to us sat two men. My friend started started searching for something in her bag and of course the lotion fall out of it right into the middle between our and the seats from those two men. I fast bent over to get it but one of these men was just as fast as me and we both picked up the lotion and gave it back to my best friend. We smiled at each other and that's where I realised that he was really attractive. And obviously older. So my best friend and me silently wrote each other notes. She said I should give him my number and what I would have to lose. I resisted very strongly but in the end I gave in when she offered that she would give him my number. So she wrote a little note with my number, my name and that I was the girl that picked up the lotion with him. I escaped the situation and left the part of the train and get off somewhere else, when I did, him and I looked again at each other again. I watched her giving him the note at the traffic lights at the central station and when she came back she raised her thumb and said "He said his name is F, he will definitely write and I should greet you!". I literally couldn't believe it but I had no hopes about him actually contacting me. In the evening I already received his first message. He told me his name, that he is 38, has three children and is divorced. We started texting every day from then. One day we eventually met in the train again and since then we drive together at least three days a week, two times a day. One month later we met at his place, his appartment is actually just two streets away, had s*x for the first time and spent the whole night together. It was also my first time ever and I couldn't have imagined it any better. We continued texting and meeting in the train. He is very caring but has also not that much time because his life is literally so crowded. We share so much with each other and I never felt so comfortable around a man ever. I can fully be myself without any judgement. He changes my life for the better and brings out the best in me. One week ago we spent our second night together and it feels so good to have someone sleeping on my chest, our arms around each other and stroking their hair until they fall asleep. I feel safe, valid and seen around him. He is also a Libra, just like T 💚

[thebookquotes]

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.”

— Colleen Hoover, Ugly Love

[inlovewiththeforbidden]

This blog is so neglected. I'm so sorry guys. With T it's very complicated at the moment. He is blocking everything I do somehow. I'm in his project again and I wrote him on Friday and he answered with a very dry text. I mean we still often have a lot smiley moments.

On the other hand, I met someone in the train (he is F and 17 years older) and he is very handsome, I think I've might fallen for him. We also might drive to a relationship in the near future. We already were intimate with each other and he feels very right.💚