requests: open! i like to keep requests open as i feel more creative when i see them <3
matchups: open! not for long tho ;)
extremely grateful for all the support and friendships ive made,, dont be shy to become an anon or drop me a message 💗
masterlist
whats currently in my notes app
decide what i write next!!
ANON LIST <3
- 🫀
- 🧚🏽♀️
my current favourite fics of my own are;
alex - if its real, it will never be over
karl - death by a broken heart
about me
my names tessa and i go by she/her :) i only became an mcyt fan at the end of 2020 probably, and what made first watch it was the clip of tommy forgetting to do his essay istg i screamed when i watched it.
i run a harry potter/it 2017 blog as well, and i’m a gemini slytherin (best way to be). i convinced my best friend to get matching lockscreens and it is my greatest achievement to date. like seriously isnt it just the cutest? at the bottom btw
my favourites on the mcyt are tubbo, tommy, alex and karl and the fact ive written like all my fics about them is mildly concerning. i had a george phase and my dream phase consisted of the smutty wattpad books that will forever be in my heart 😅
i don’t ship tommy and tubbo as they have stated they are uncomfortable with it (and theyre fucking minors) so please don’t insinuate that i do lol.
hi guys i know its been SO long but im basically planning on doing a “friends” series w some mcyts. yn will be rachel but ofc gender neutral. i need thoughts on who you guys would want ross to be, im planning on having the feral boys so george, quackity, sapnap, dream and karl :) lmk!!
keep in mind that i am from the uk. i have fuckin no idea how an american high school works LUL
high school sucks. not your most original thought by far, but a factual one; whether it was the heaps of homework, raging testosterone or that one weird couple who were always one step away from breeding in the hallways. high school, completely, irrevocably, sucks.
fortunately, you’d found a serene balance in the everchanging tides of popularity - you were never bothered with the whos with you, who cheated on who. you and your best friend, niki, clung to each other in the lifeboat that was your friendship. no one knew who you were; hell, you could count all of your friends on one hand... one finger actually. but luckily, you were just invisible enough to be left alone.
well, left alone most of the time, that is.
“hey! give that back!” you shouted, reaching up for your book which was being held high above you. in front of you was this kid called punz - a jock, of course. with his stereotypical varsity jacket and scruff of facial hair, you could smell the axe body spray off this guy from a mile away. “come on lil doggy, jump higher!” he laughed at your pathetic attempts, mocking you. his best friend (and guard dog) fundy, giggled along with him.
the two were about as smart as a bag of rocks combined, frequently making passing comments and ratings on any of the girls around the school. yet, their high athleticism and rich parents made them both popular as all hell.
“yeah, bitch!” fundy taunted. “heel you little... shit, what’s the word. kutwijf?” he stopped for a second, going bright red from embarrassment but quickly recovering - “whatever, just fuck you bitch!” you didn’t understand what you’d done to deserve their relentless pissing contest to the crowd, but every day was a day on show for them; driven by the utmost masculine personality trait which was, of course, being a dickhead.
you narrowed your eyes at punz, scrunching your nose before you stomped on his foot, causing him to cry out; he shouted a loud fuck, dropping your book to the floor which you quickly scooped up and ran away.
“you’re gonna die, bitch!” was the last painfilled remark you heard as you dashed away from the scene.
coming to a stop around the corner of some wall, a heavy hand fell on your shoulder. turning around, you were met with the face you probably wanted to see least at that moment.
“what do you want, sapnap?” your breathing was heavy, panting slightly. sapnap looked over you, a lazy grin beaming on his face. “nothin’ much,” he proclaimed, gesturing to your exhausted form, “what the hell happened to you?”
rolling your eyes, you regretted even engaging in conversation with him. “your friend, punz, is an asshole” the hate in your voice was heavy, causing sapnap to raise his hands in defensive. “woah-ho-ho, buttercup. you know how i feel about punz, that dick still owes me 1k.”
sapnap was a part of the dream team - most schools had a group of three raging bitches as their almighty yet in your school: the dream team acted as judge, jury and executioner over every student and teacher.
“then why can’t you tell him to leave me the hell alone?” you laid your head back on the brick wall, chest still rising and falling quicker than usual. sapnap thought for a moment, silence ringing out between you before he hit you with the most evil smile you’d seen in years.
“how about this, i’ll tell punz to back off if-”
“-if?” you questioned.
“if,” he continued, “you come to dream’s party tomorrow.”
you splutter in surprise, snapping your head to meet his eyes. “no fucking way, dude. i’ll get eaten alive, people like dream don’t want people like me at their parties.”
“why not?” sapnap asked, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, picking one out and lighting it. “you’re hot and dream has really low standards. who knows? you might even finally get laid.” a smirk appeared on his face as he taunted you.
your cheeks turned tomato red as you nearly spluttered your response, “believe it or not, i don’t need sex to function unlike you.”
“yeah, yeah” sapnap took a drag of his cigarette, blowing smoke straight into your face, “we’ve all got our coping mechanisms.” with that, he stubbed out his cigarette, giving you a cocky salute before beginning to walk away, “it’s in two days, be there by seven.” he informed you with a flirtatious wink.
feeling a chill go up your spine, you came to terms with the fact that you were going to have to go to that party. sapnap was a good friend to have, he kept most of the bullies away from picking on you, but he was an annoying prick when he could be - there was no way he’d let you miss out on your first ever high school party. rubbing your face with a sigh, you set off to the girl’s bathroom.
hopefully there you could get some peace and quiet for a while.
yo this took me months to write cus of my fuckin waverin interest in everything. i hope this doesn’t flop & whoever is reading this enjoys it. uh if you don’t know the story of heathers then like.. this might be a bit confusing to you. this isn’t a one shot and more parts will be coming out, kind of following the plot of heathers. anywayz, peace out and PLEASE REMEMBER to reblog for max reach :)
Despite the fancy survey, changes to the UI and TOS reveal we’re getting the service in the future whether we want it or not. Obviously, Post+ is a terrible idea that is trying to bank revenue on user content. Unlike patreon or onlyfans, tumblr’s primary focus is on FAN content. The legality of this is NOT in the users favor and as the new tumblr TOS states, said users will be entirely liable for whatever legal matters arise.
SO WHAT ARE WE DOING?
Besides filling out the survey, it’s time to show tumblr we mean business and show our displeasure by hitting them where it hurts.
Ad revenue.
We’re proposing a 24 hour log off as phase one of this protest.
WHEN IS THE PROTEST?
AUGUST 6th, 2021
12 am Eastern Time (US)
5 am Greenwich Mean Time
6 am Central European Time
8 am Moscow Standard Time
1 pm Australian Western Time
2 pm Japan Standard Time
3:30 pm Australian Central Time
4 pm Australian Eastern Time
AUGUST 5th, 2021
11 pm Central Time (US)
10 pm Mountain Time (US)
9 pm Pacific Time (US)
THE END TIME IS 24 HOURS FROM START TIME!!!
So no posting, no queues, no likes, and no reblogs!
WHAT IF I CAN’T/WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
Like this post and share it AS MANY TIMES AS POSSIBLE. Use the hashtags #tumblrlogoff2021 or #postplusprotest on ANY and ALL social media.
WILL THIS WORK?
Maybe, maybe not. It’s an attempt at doing SOMETHING.
BECAUSE I’M A TIRED IDIOT, USE THIS TO DOUBLE CHECK YOUR TIME ZONE!!!!
Event Time Announcer shows time for Log off protest 2021 in locations all over the world. In New York it happens on Friday, August 6, 2021 a
As much as I hate to say this because this hellsite is a big part of my life, I think we should all participate in this. And you know what, it’s actually because this hellsite means so much to me that I think we should do this. post+ will hurt content creators and possibly shut down tumblr itself (though they’re much better protected than we could ever be). Don’t use post+. Use the link above and find when you should log off to help
don’t get in that strangers van without inviting us first (karl jacobs x gn!reader)
summary: entry for @inniterhq writing comp :)
art im aware its closed i just wasnt vibing lmfao i finally got it done thoo
WC; 2507
send requests xo
-
“It’s beautiful.” I breathed quietly. We were on the rooftop of some restaurant, God knew what it was called, and we were able to look over the rugged jungle of Malaysia as we were seated.
“It is?” I felt Karl looking at me, but I didn’t reply. The humidity would have caused me to sweat if there wasn’t fans covering the outside area of the rooftop, and I sighed as I laid back in the chair.
It was Clay’s generous spirit that had brought us here; a tour of Asia, guided by two of the most highly rated guides around. We were all here, even Tommy and Tubbo, and we took up every table on the roof. Lucky Clay had reserved it, or we might have been eating McDonalds for dinner. Not that I would have minded, of course.
“Message me what you want for entrees!” Clay had stood up from his seat at the centre table to call out to everyone, and I nodded to him as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. The menu was written in Malay, and Karl laughed.
“It’s funner when you don’t know what you’re ordering. I’m just telling Clay I want whatever number six is.” Karl said, and I looked at the menu again. Despite the language being completely unfamiliar, I had faith in number four.
“I’ll get 4. Share?” We had shared our food at every restaurant so far, and when Karl grinned I smiled back. Until Ranboo shouting beside me caused me to look away from the grey eyed idiot.
“Ranboo I’m going to beat your fucking ass.” I promised, and Ranboo leaned his head on my shoulder as he pointed towards Tommy and Tubbo, sitting across from us.
“Tubbo said he loved Tommy more than me! I think they deserve to be shouted at.” Ranboo defended himself, and Tommy cackled.
“Bros before hoes!” He shrieked, and Tubbo laughed maniacally.
“Fucking hell.” I looked back to Karl, who was on my left, to see he was talking with Alex.
“Are you two drunk?” I looked back to Tommy and Tubbo, who shared a look.
“Oh, for fucks sake. What did you drink? I need something strong too.”
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
The dynamic duo laughed again, and they slid a glass that was in between them over towards me. It was orange, and I narrowed my eyes.
“We like to call it ‘Don’t get in that strangers van without inviting us first’. It’s guaranteed to make you want to get into strangers vans. Lucky Ranboo was around all three times to save us.” Tommy explained, and I gasped.
“I should be getting paid.” Ranboo added, and I picked up the drink faster than I had done anything in my life.
“Shut up and take my money.” The drink had a fruity flavour to it, but the vodka drowned out what could have been a nice tasting drink. I sculled the glass, and when I set it on the table the three boys stared at me in shock.
“You fucking idiot. You’re fucked now, you know. Tubbo and I have never finished a glass between us, and we still cry every night over the Queen being too gorgeous.” Tommy was shaking his head, but Tubbo had begun laughing.
“Remember the first time we drank it and you confessed to loving the Queen and I confessed to loving Ranboo? Y/n’s going to confess who she loves tonight!” He chattered excitedly, and I blinked.
It was impossible not to look at him when all I could hear was his soft laughter, and I turned to see his head thrown back, Karl’s hands clasped together on his chest. Surely Alex wasn’t that funny. I looked back, and the eye contact I made with Tubbo made me want to slam my head against the table.
Tubbo laughed maniacally for the second time this evening.
“Of course! I should have known!” Tubbo said, and Tommy’s head whipped back and forth between the death glares I was giving Tubbo and the smug grin he was giving me.
“Who is it?” Tommy was so fucking loud, my head already hurt. Ranboo laughed.
“Oh! Wow, that was pretty obvious.” He said, and I cursed.
Stupid husbands with their stupid telepathy.
“Who is it?” Tommy shouted again. Only this time he was much louder; the rooftop fell silent.
“Who’s what?” Clay finally asked, and there was silence.
I watched as Tommy gulped, his adam’s apple bopping up and down as he did, and he looked at me for a split second before looking away.
“Nothing at all.” Tommy said, and Clay stood up from his seat a table away to stand next to Tommy.
“If it was nothing you wouldn’t be shouting.” Clay was annoyingly persistent when he was drunk. He needed explanations for everything, and last time when he had asked what the functions of a rubber duck were I had almost cried.
“It’s nothing.” Tommy said again, and this time Sapnap stood up.
“That’s not true, is it, Tommy?” Sapnap was stood on the other side of Tommy’s chair, and if I could, I would have smacked the lanky bitch off of the rooftop.
“Y/n’s crush!” He blurted out, and I reached for the glass in front of Tommy. It was the same concoction he had given me before, the burning familiar as I drank the glass. I set it on the table.
“She’s so fucked.” Ranboo said, and I scowled at him.
“Y/n, do you have a crush on someone?” I looked at Alex, who looked like a cat with cream, and I scowled at him too.
“No. Go away.” I reached for the glass in front of Tubbo, but Ranboo smacked my hand away, and I retracted my hand back into my lap.
“She loves someone!” Tubbo announced loudly, and I stared blankly at him. Karl laughed, his voice high.
I wondered what he was nervous about.
“Who does she love?” George butted in, and he walked over to our table, standing behind me. The head pats he gave me were comforting, albeit weird.
“She loves someone here.” Tubbo hinted, and I raised my eyes in shock. Ranboo reached over to hold my hand, and I squeezed it tightly. If Tubbo kept talking then I could be exposed in my entirety.
“Tubbo do you want to go look at the stars with me?” Ranboo stood up, gently letting go of my hand and walking to the other side of the table to hoist the offending boy up and off his seat. Tubbo grabbed Tommy’s hand on his way up.
“Let’s go!” The three traipsed back into the restaurant, presumebly towards the stairs that led out into the garden.
There was silence, then all the eyes turned to me.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, and there was a murmur of acknowledgement.
“They might feel the same way.” George said suddenly, and I looked up at him to see him smiling at me.
“George you don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said gently, and he shook his head.
“You never know if you never try.” With that, he floated back over to his table, with Clay pulling out his chair and tucking him in. I looked around to make eye contact with Alex.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Y/n. We all have crushes. Right, Karl?” I wanted the earth to swallow me hole as I stared back down at the empty glasses in front of me.
Unfortunately, well, it didn’t happen.
Instead, the weight of the drinks I had consumed hit me suddenly, and I swallowed the bile I felt rising up my throat. I risked a look at Karl and frowned. His face was bright red.
“You okay?” I leaned into his shoulder, and he hummed, reaching out to wrap an arm around my shoulder, tugging me closer. It felt nice, but this wasn’t my life.
My life was waking up to cold sheets, and falling asleep to stupid romcoms that don’t tell you to how to navigate life. Everyone else got a happy ending; where was mine?
“Foods here.” Alex said, and I glanced up to see two foreign plates of food being placed in front of Karl and I. I smiled at the waitress, but I just wasn’t hungry anymore.
The food looked delicious, how could it not when it was so uniquely Malayan? I didn’t quite know when my head had started spinning, and Karl gripped my shoulder tighter.
“Want ice-cream?” He whispered, and I sighed. He knew me so well.
“We’re going to get ice-cream.” Karl announced to nobody in particular, and he carefully pulled me up, his hands soft on my waist.
He looked very, very pretty.
“Come on.” His grip was firm, soft fingers tapping on my sides, and I wrapped an arm around his shoulder as we stumbled through the restaurant and out onto the street.
The cold air was biting, and Karl pulled me closer. He smiled at me, and I leaned my head on his shoulder as we continued down the foreign streets. We had passed an ice-cream parlour not too far from the restaurant, and we entered the store now, safe from the outside air.
“I’ll pay.” I dug into my pocket and withdrew a fistful of ringgit notes. Karl leaned his head closer to mine.
“Now why would you do that?” He asked, and with the hand that wasn’t holding me tightly, reached into his own pocket to retrieve money.
“It’s cos I love you.” I said, and as the words came out I felt my heart beating faster. Tubbo had been right. He always was.
Karl stiffened for a moment.
“I’ll believe you when you’re sober. Come on, which flavour do you want?” Karl tried to take a step forward, but I frowned.
“No, I promise. I love you.” I repeated, and he withdrew his arm from where it was resting on me. I felt cold, despite the temperature in the store being more than comfortable.
“What flavour do you want?” He asked, and I scoffed.
“Thanks, Karl. I tell you I love you and you fucking ignore it. I don’t feel like ice-cream anymore.” I left the shop quickly, and this time I enjoyed the sting of the wind. The restaurant wasn’t too far away, and I began walking quickly.
I didn’t want to be anywhere near Karl.
“Wait! Y/n! What are you doing? Just wait there, wait for me.” He began calling out to me from behind, but I only quickened my pace. Despite my newfound speed, Karl jogged until he fell into step beside me.
“I didn’t mean to ignore it, I just didn’t know what to say.” He said quietly, and I shook my head.
“You were meant to say thank you, Y/n, but you know I see you as a friend.” The restaurants noise was overwhelming as I tugged open the door, and Karl went in first.
“Obviously I wasn’t going to say that. You don’t know anything. I was just taken aback by it, that’s all. I wasn’t expecting you to say it.” He explained, and I took the stairs two at a time, and upon reaching the top, sighed in relief at the sight of the three baby’s sitting in their chairs.
“Y/n is back!” Tommy shouted, and Ranboo beamed. He had clearly snuck a drink or two.
“Hey, dickhead. How are you?” I ruffled the hair on Tommy’s head as I walked past him, and sat back into my seat besides Ranboo.
“Where’s Karl?” Tubbo asked loudly, and I shrugged. I didn’t really care.
“I dunno, he was behind me before.” I said unhelpfully, and Ranboo narrowed his eyes.
“Well? Did you do it?” He asked, and I sighed.
“I did. It didn’t go well, I don’t really want to talk about it.” I said, and he nodded.
“That’s three for three with our mystery concoction. Do you want us to make Karl drink it and see who he likes?” Ranboo asked, and I paused. I didn’t know how to explain it, but I just felt empty.
“If you want. I’m gonna go hug Sapnap.” I said, and Ranboo nodded.
“Sapnap!” I dragged out the two syllables in his name as I walked over to his table, and he stood up.
No one hugged better than Sapnap, and that was a fact. Except, well, maybe Karl. But I was mad at Karl, and Sapnap already had his arms open.
“You doing okay?” He murmured into my ear as I fell into his arms, and I nodded.
I was fighting back tears.
“I just want to hug someone.” I explained, and when Sapnap drew away I whined.
“I think you should hug Karl.” He encouraged, and I frowned.
“I hate Karl. He’s stupid and mean.” He was neither, but I was sad, and it made me feel that little bit better.
“That’s not true.” Sapnap said, and I squeezed him tighter. When we stepped away from one another, I smiled sadly at him.
“I love you.” I said, and he nodded.
“I love you too. Let me know if you don’t finish your food.” He winked then, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe I was overreacting about the whole Karl thing.
My seat was cold when I sat down again, and I ignored Karl, who was back in his seat.
“Y/n-“ He started, and I turned to stare at him.
“Not interested in whatever you have to say.” I said icily, turning back to face Ranboo. I wasn’t listening to what he was saying, too focussed on the pounding of my heart.
“You’re so annoying, Y/n. You never give me a chance to speak.” Karl continued, and I scoffed, turning to face him.
“I gave you a chance to speak. Two chances.” I replied, and Karl pouted.
“Third times a charm?” I rolled my eyes.
“You have three seconds to pull yourself together or I’m going to ignore you again.” I said, and he beamed.
“I love you too. I’m really sorry I didn’t say anything the first two times, I figured you were being platonic.” His face was flushed, and I paused.
Was this bitch serious?
“Are you telling the truth?” I asked quietly, and he nodded eagerly.
“I would rather burn than lie to you.” He said seriously, and I laughed in delight.
“You’re being serious, then?” Karl nodded, and when he reached for my hand I smiled wider.
“My bartending skills, bringing lovers together since 2022.” Tommy interrupted, and I stuck the finger up at him when he laughed.
“Your bartending skills? It was my inability to lie that got them together!” Tubbo argued, and the sounds of two seventeen year olds screaming at one another filled my ears. I looked over at Karl to see he was staring at me, and he squeezed my hand tighter.
okay okay so: i was going to do this but im too lazy so i'm requesting it now lmao but could you do something with george on the boat during golden hour like in the vlog??
summary: bitches omg im so fuckin lazy i- if u have read the karl one ignore this shit
anyway i just really liked my karl one so i changed the names of everyone in it and now its dream
WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEATH
WC; 3115
send requests <3
-
I had heard it on the news first. Lazily lying on the couch, flicking through the channels as I pleased, until the urgency of the announcer stopped me in my tracks.
“So far eight thousand have died from a broken heart today alone. Experts are unsure what triggered the pain to the point of death, but I am urging you to beware who you give your heart to. Others are experiencing symptoms, with little to no knowledge on how long the symptoms will last, or if a broken heart can even be cured.”
Death by a broken heart.
Clay must have been watching the news too; he was weird like that. Liked to claim it made him more knowledgable, but I think he genuinely enjoyed learning about society’s latest fuck ups. He called me right as the pretty news anchor finished talking, and I tapped the green answer button.
“Tell me you were watching that!” He was already shouting into the phone, and I smiled, despite the awful words of the broadcast bouncing around my skull.
“I was. I think it must be the worst way to die.” I said, and it was silent for a long moment.
In a weird way, I figured my heart was broken anyway. Falling in love with your beautiful best friend was a recipe for disaster, especially when they were as beautiful as Clay was. The only way I could survive was to move on, and I didn’t know if I’d even want to live without Clay. Not sure if I could.
“I’m never going to date anyone. I don’t want to die alone.” He finally said, and I could see his point.
But the reward. The reward was being loved without fear, receiving love that wraps around the universe and cocoons you in a beautiful safety net.
I just wanted to be loved by him.
“Not even me?” I was kidding, obviously I was kidding.
“No, loser.” The grin in his voice was evident, but I froze.
I heard it. I heard the cracking of my own heart, and I couldn’t stop the gasp that came out of me, straight from my heart.
“What?” Clay asked, and my chest ached more than anything. My vision was blurry from the tears filling my eyes, and I blinked furiously. The pain was gradually subsiding, and I sniffed.
“Oh, nothing. Um, I have to go, Clay. Talk later?” My fingers danced around the red button, and I wiped my shirtsleeve under my eyes, ridding myself of the remaining tears.
“We’ve been on the phone for thirty seconds, asshole. I wanna hang out today, are you sure you’re okay?” Clay’s voice shifted into a more serious tone, a concerned tone, and for a brief moment the pain in my chest intensified. It was searing, bright and furious, and I doubled over on the couch. It was over almost as quickly as it began, and a dull throbbing replaced it.
“No! I’m fine, Clay. I’m just busy doing some cooking.” I had never cooked an edible meal in my entire life, but Clay probably didn’t know that.
“Cooking? I’m a god at cooking. Can I join?” He tried again, and I sighed.
“Of course. What do you feel like cooking?” I wasn’t going to win a battle with Clay if he was worried about me. That wasn’t how things worked, not with a boy that had a heart of gold.
“I don’t care what we cook. Oh, I’m outside your door by the way.” He said casually, and I reluctantly stood up from the fetal position I had been in to wander out of the living room.
I opened my front door slowly, and Clay grinned widely.
“Hi.” He said, and I smiled back. The pain shrivelled into nothingness as I stared into my favourite pair of eyes, and I shook my head slowly.
Fate was one cruel thing.
-
“I can’t believe we’re at Disney world!” George chattered excitedly from beside me, and I looked down at Clay and I’s intwined hands, swinging with every step. George was holding his other hand, and Sapnap was holding mine. Alex was refusing to hold anyone’s hand, but occasionally brushed his hand with Sapnap’s.
I couldn’t believe it either, though not for the same reasons. It had been almost six months since my heart shattered, and I had been expecting to drop dead any second the first month. Then I started noticing more patterns, more symptoms.
I got tired so easily now, and I had at least two naps every day. It wasn’t just that, though. The pain had grown every day. It wasn’t noticeable at first, sort of like how hair on a persons scalp grows. Then one day you look at it, and wow. The more I thought about my heart, the more it hurt, and I had taken to doing anything to get my mind off of it.
“Y/n? You’ll go on the dodgems with me, right?” Clay was talking, and I nodded without thinking.
“‘Course she will. You two are the ultimate duo!” Sapnap let go of my hand and nudged me towards the line, with George letting go of Clay
“We’re going to get food, you two want anything?” George asked, and I shook my head. Reduced appetite; another symptom.
“A hotdog!” Clay said quickly, and I smiled at the laughter that bubbled out of his mouth.
“Of course you’d get a hotdog.” I teased, and Clay huffed.
“Hotdogs are good!” He defended himself, and I rose my eyebrows.
“You seem like a hotdog kind of guy.” I laughed at the offended look on his face.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean, huh?” We bickered back and forth until we found ourselves towards the front of the line, with the previous round just finishing.
“Let’s go!” Clay cheered, and it was around then that I noticed we were still holding hands. That must have been why the pain had felt lessened for the past fifteen minutes.
“Let’s get the green one!” Clay yanked me towards the green kart, and I almost fell to the ground, catching myself just in time.
“You’re so clumsy, Y/n.” He teased, and I scoffed as I sat in the front seat, with Clay behind me.
“You’re the clumsiest person I know, Clay, so don’t even go there. I’m not the one who leaves glass bottles on my desk and then drops them everywhere.” He only laughed; he knew I was right.
“Are you ready?” His breath was hot in my ear, and I turned around to glare at him.
“I was born ready, bitch.”
Except I wasn’t. Except we had been at the amusement park for three hours already, and I had peaked long ago. Except I was already battling with myself to stay awake, to stay in the present and stay with Clay.
I don’t actually know what happened. Clay said that as soon as the kart behind us rammed into us, I passed out. Said that I slumped against him, and he started screaming. George swore he could hear him all the way from the hotdog stand. Sapnap had made a face at that, so I didn’t know how accurate George’s intel was.
But Alex said that Clay wouldn’t stop screaming, and that he started crying. Sapnap actually confirmed that, so it might have been true. He said that only one person was allowed in the ambulance with me, and Clay didn’t even look at the other two. Just jumped straight into the vehicle and didn’t look back.
And Clay. Well, Clay hadn’t said anything at all. I came to in the ambulance, and he had only stared at me. Our knuckles had gone white from how tightly he was squeezing my hand, and I hadn’t spoken. I knew I was going to die.
Broken hearts didn’t get fixed. They just didn’t.
“I’m going to need to talk to my patient in private.” The nurse smiled thinly at my friends, who frowned.
“Can we please stay?” Clay. The smallness of his voice was gut-wrenching, and the nurse shook her head.
“I’m sorry, you’ll be able to come back in as soon as I’m finished with her.” She said firmly, and with one last stroke of my knuckles, Clay followed the other two out.
“You know what’s happened, don’t you?” The nurse sat on the side of my bed, and I nodded slowly.
“Happened six months ago. I’m surprised I’ve lived this long, if I’m being honest.” I said, and she smiled sadly.
“I’d probably estimate you’ve got another six months at maximum. I’m curious though, how have you lived so long? In most other cases the second the heart breaks, so does the person.” I read her name tag. Caroline.
“I don’t think he meant to reject me. I made a joke, I’m pretty sure, about us dating. That’s when it happened.” Her blue eyes were wide, and she looked at my hand, silently asking for permission. I nodded, and she picked up my hand, clasping it between her own.
“It was that boy, wasn’t it? The one in the ugly green jumper.” I nodded, and crying all the time? My least favourite symptom. With the hand Caroline wasn’t holding, I brushed away the tears that haunted me like a plague.
“I think you should tell him.” She said softly, and I smiled ruefully.
“Broken hearts can’t be fixed, that’s what the experts have told us. I don’t want to hurt him before I die.” I explained, and the small circles she had begun rubbing on my hand were comforting.
“The experts haven’t seen a case like yours.” Caroline pointed out, and I shut my eyes for a long moment.
“I want to take this to the grave.”
-
Caroline was generous with six months. At three months, I could scarcely leave my apartment. I was too fragile, too exhausted all the time to do anything that was worth it.
It was a shame, really. I had always wanted to travel the world, and I figured that once I had a clock counting down my days that I would. It hurt. My last days were destined to be spent wasting away in a room that I had decorated with the man that was my undoing.
It was hard, having to explain to my friends that I was sick. That I wouldn’t get better, no matter how much money Clay was willing to invest in my illness. They begged me so much, they had cried, but I had refused. Broken hearts were incurable, and I couldn’t tell them what I was truly dying of.
“We’re home!” Sapnap shouted from my front door as I heard the hinges swing open, and I took a deep breath.
“In here!” I called from my room. They knew exactly where I would be, I only left to go to the bathroom because damn it, I might be dying but I refused to go to the toilet in my room.
“We brought Chinese!” Alex added, and my doorway was filled with my four favourite people.
“My favourite.” I sat up in the bed, and Clay was wrapped around me before I could say anything.
“Hey, Clay.” I murmured, and whatever he replied with was lost, muffled by my jumper.
“How are you feeling?” George asked tentatively. I winced, and he did too. He knew how I was.
“It’s-it’s coming.” I said eventually, and Clay squeezed me tighter.
“I’m really sorry, guys.” The words almost got lost in my throat, but I choked them out. Sapnap stepped forward to wipe my tears away before sitting down on the floor. Alex had already taken up the desk-chair in my room, with George sat on the end of my bed.
“It’s not your fault.” Alex rushed to say, but it wasn’t true. It was all my fault.
“You guys don’t understand. It is my fault.” I didn’t know what hurt more; the shards of glass stinging my heart or the anguish my friends were going through because of me. When I made eye contact with Sapnap, I knew it was time to come clean.
“People can’t help getting sick, Y/n.” George said, and I sniffled.
“Broken hearts aren’t contagious.” I said, and I couldn’t stop my face crumpling at the sight of his face. He had taken his head off of my chest to look at me, and his face dropped.
“Wh-What?” Alex stood up off the chair, and Sapnap followed suit.
“A broken heart?” George repeated, and it was so fucking hard. So fucking hard to look Sapnap in the eye, because Sapnap knew I was in love with Clay the moment we met. Something about the way I looked at him, Sapnap used to always say. But I did, and he leaned over to pick up one of my hands.
“I’m so sorry.” Sapnap’s voice was more powerful when he was quiet, and my room was silent for a long time.
“Who is it?” Clay broke the silence, speaking his first words since entering my apartment. I almost laughed at the irony of it all.
“I’m not saying.” All hell broke loose. Clay withdrew from me as Alex and George began shouting, cursing the “motherfucking bastard”. Sapnap shook his head slowly as he held Clay, who had retreated into his arms.
“When did it happen?” The shouting stopped as they waited for me to answer Sapnap’s question.
“About nine months ago, I think.” It seemed about right, but God, the days had blended together into a whirlwind of nothingness.
“How did you last this long?” Alex asked bluntly, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling when George whacked the smaller man on the shoulder.
“I don’t know.” I knew. I talked to my nurse, Caroline, about it a little bit more. She said that since the rejection wasn’t straight-up, and that we had stayed in close contact almost daily since then, that I was bound to live for a little longer.
I made the mistake of looking Sapnap in the eye again, and I noticed he was mouthing something. I shook my head frantically as I realised he wanted me to tell Clay, and Sapnap began silently swearing at me.
“Alex and George, do you want to go heat the food up with me? We can make drinks as well.” Sapnap moved Clay from his lap to the bed, and snatched Alex and George from the room before I could interfere.
“So.” Clay said, and I noticed he was finally looking at me again.
“So.” I echoed, and I could see he was fighting with himself. Something was on his mind, but I had no clue what it was.
“Why didn’t you tell us earlier? We’re your best friends, you owed that to us. We deserved to know what you were dying of.” It was harsh, but it was true.
“I was embarrassed, to be honest. I didn’t want your opinions of me to change as I died. I wanted everything to stay the same.” I noticed how he still flinched as I mentioned death, and he shook his head.
“Everything is changing, don’t you understand that? Nothing is ever going to be the same because you’ll be gone!” He dove into my arms as his voice cracked, and I cried while holding him. Sobs were wracking his body, rendering him mute aside from the ugly wails he was making.
“Who is it? Who the fuck is it? I-I’m going to kill them. I’m going to fucking kill them for hurting you, Y/n. I swear it.” Sadness turned into rage then, and he pulled back to stare intently into my eyes.
God, those eyes. I had never been able to look into those eyes and stand my resolve, Clay knew I always gave in.
“I-Oh. Oh, Clay. It’s you. It’s you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I wasn’t going to tell you because I didn’t want you to blame yourself. It’s not your fault at all, I need you to know that. It was my fault, I was careless with my words and it cost me my life.”
And there we were. Sat on my bed, staring at one another as the wall of lies I had built came crashing down.
“You’re lying.” He whispered, and I felt a dizzy rush incoming. I lied back down quickly, and I sighed.
“It’s not your fault. Just know that, okay?” I knew he was going to blame himself, and I regretted telling him. I should have kept my mouth shut, and Clay lied down next to me without another word.
“It was when I called you, wasn’t it? Right after it was on the news.” I felt around for Clay’s hand, and I slipped my hand into his. It fit perfectly.
“Yeah. I didn’t think that I would end up dying from joking about dating you, but here we are.” I said, and Clay sighed before sitting back up.
“I didn’t mean it! Please! I take it back, universe! I take it back!” He shouted, voice cracking on the last word, but the four walls of my room were silent.
“It doesn’t work like that, Clay.” I said gently, and he looked at me. He was hauntingly beautiful.
“It has to work. It has to work because I’m in love with you too, and I can’t do this without you, Y/n, I just can’t.”
I had heard the phrase right person, wrong time, plenty of times before, and I had always wondered how it could possibly be the wrong time if the person was right. What could seperate two people who were in love?
“I’m sorry, Clay. I fucked it all up.” I hugged him, and he didn’t even raise his arms. I reluctantly let go.
“Please. Tell me you feel something. Anything. Just tell me you’re getting better.” He begged, and I hiccuped.
I hiccuped. I hadn’t hiccuped in nine months.
“Wh-What? What’s wrong?” Clay picked up my face with his hands, and I hiccuped again. The sudden skin-on-skin contact made my flesh burn.
“I’m hiccuping, Clay!” I wanted to shout, but I didn’t have the energy for that. Each hiccup tore through my chest, and I tried not to wince.
“Let go of me.” I instructed, and Clay withdrew his hands in confusion. My skin felt unbearably hot, but as I focussed, I could feel my heart. It was almost like the pieces were being assembled again.
“M-My heart.” I picked up one of Clay’s hands and held it to my chest, and I gasped as I heard a click.
Hello and congrats on 300 followers!!! Im here for the matchups event (that is if it is open). I am a female, 5'8, straight and some of my hobbies include reading (my favorite reading genre being fantasy), writing, sometimes drawing and listening to the excessive number of playlists I have on Spotify on repeat. I like to think of myself as an extrovert but my friends call me an introvert so yeah, I love chocolate as well as nature and I have two pups that always keep me busy. Thanks in advance!!
i ship you with...
sapnap!!!!
- he makes you playlists on spotify literally all the damn time someone tell this man that not everyone wants to listen to his weird music taste
- but you do and thats all that matters to him
- after a long ass day, all mans wants is to put his head in your lap while you read
- outloud or in your head, he just wants to be with you at the end of the day
i hope this doesnt come across as rude!! but i wanted to know why you dont tag your stories under mcyt x reader or dream smp x reader?? as a fellow writer, those tags really help with reach and you're so talented so you deserve the recognition :D
i will start doing that!! normally i just do character x reader but thank you for the idea! i love you
