Just Tryin' To Get The Hang Of This Internet Thing @insertcoolhipsternamehere - Tumblr Blog

usbdongle-deactivated20200531

im in love with the concept of Las Vegas like i know in reality theres a lot of things shitty and bad about it but im in love with the idea of a capital of debauchery existing in a blisteringly hot desert 2 hours away from a nuclear weapon test site. it’s so bizarre and horrific and tacky i can’t help but loving the idea of it

catbountry

It’s so American.

writing-prompt-s

The reason aliens have not invaded Earth is due to our television transmission. Since they have no concept of televised entertainment, they view everything seen as fact.

seanpgilroy

okimafan

And this is the truth.

gay-white-bread

I'm gay and my glasses are dirty

reblog if you’re gay and your glasses are dirty

fuks

editorincreeps-deactivated20180

Princess Bride themed restaurant. Waiters say “as you wish” after taking your order.

Finish the Fezzik in an hour, your meal is free.

Come in a wheelbarrow, your meal is 10% off.

pkeranodon

Every so often the hostess will say “bye bye boys, have fun storming the castle!” as people are leaving.

Miracle Max’s Cure for the Mostly Dead is on the menu and its a giant chocolate cakeball.

The servers will sometimes switch your wines after distracting you.

They sell Anybody Want a Peanut Brittle at the door.

princess-starr

“There are a shortage of perfect chicken breasts in the world. Twould be a pity not to order these.”

angrila

“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. I’ll be your server. Prepare to dine.”

pathofneedlespathofpins-deactiv

Instead of “large,” you get an item of unusual size.

People on their anniversary get to listen to a recitation of the mawidge speech.

The kitchen door says “Brute Squad.”

bethanyactually

When servers bring drinks to your table, they casually mention one of them might have iocane powder in it.

breelandwalker

On certain nights, you can engage the bartender in a battle of wits. If you win, you get a free drink. Beware - the bartender is a Sicilian.

If you can recite Westley’s “To The Pain” speech or Vizzini’s part from “Battle of Wits” from memory, you get 10% off.

The dessert menu is called The Gate Key. The servers all say there is no gate key. If you respond with “Fezzik, tear their arms off,” they’ll produce it with a reply of “Oh you means THIS gate key.”

lifeonthesideoftheangels

If you start watching A Scandal in Belgravia at 10:58:15, Sherlock will say “happy New Year, John” and begin angstly playing on his violin at exactly midnight. Start off your New Year right.

lesbianaang

really and honestly the butch mood is looking at pics of beautiful femme women when you’re younger and thinking you wanna look like them only to later discover what you really wanted was to fuck them

femmesbians

I think that, as lesbians, we can all agree that we were unexplainably fascinated by Pin-Up women and had no idea that this was our early call to Lesbianism

bob-belcher

inkskinned

okay, i don’t hate kids. i think they’re sort of funny. i like that you can talk to them like an adult and they’ll make sounds like they understand. i taught one kid “phosphorescence” and he looked at me and said, “they could just call it glowing if it means something that glows.” the kid undid the entire science community in one sentence.

but i hate kids.

or really, i hate how they’ve always been expected from me.

when i was five i was given “babies.” i hated the hardness of dolls, disposed of them for dramatic stories between stuffed animals. i knew how to wrap, feed, and care for a baby before i could spell my last name. when i was nine i was already “watching the kids”. i was only four years older than my cousins were. i wanted to go out and play. instead i was expected to have responsibility. by the time i was thirteen all of my friends had told me about how many children they were going to have in their twenties.

my hips were “child-bearing” hips. my brother was a scientist, or a fireman, or a steamroller. i was going to make a good housewife, or mom, or nanny, or mom, or mom, or mom.

and when my body hurt, i was told it wasn’t really my body, not really, it belonged to my future children. i couldn’t cut or snip or tie anything; i was trapped by the potential energy that hung above me. a boulder, threatening. i couldn’t get tattoos, because what would i tell my children? i couldn’t kiss a girl, because what would i tell the children? i couldn’t be risky or wild or anything but a lady, because what about the children?

and when i said “i don’t want children” - not biologically, at least, not when cancer and depression and a whole other host of terrible things lives inside me - do you know what they said? “it’ll change, wait and see” “it’s not bad” “you’ll get used to it” “when you meet the right man” “you don’t want to be lonely”.

i don’t hate kids. i’m great with them.

but then i’m told again that my life will be forfeit to them - something in me snaps angry. “wait until you have kids” “you should travel before you have children” “you’ll be more happy.”

i hate kids! i’ve snarled. i don’t mean it at all. but god. please, leave me alone. i don’t want to be a biological mom.

it’s like we’re born with a uterus and told “this is your whole life. your singular purpose. your job.”

i want to be my own purpose. not here for the sake of passing genes on.

breelandwalker

This sums up everything I’ve ever felt about societal expectation of motherhood.

mysharona1987

archranter

This is the endgame

mysharona1987

Queen Elizabeth is House of Card’ing this shit.

inritum

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

ghostdog07

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

deathklaue

YOOOOOOO

I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS

LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL

IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

doryishness

holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.

victoriaringsinyourears

I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT

lenshade

SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP

themixedbagofwhat

WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????

wodkat

ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE

acstiel

THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.

GUYS.

HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER

20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.

GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.

juststrokemyglabella

I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.

adweeb-deactivated20160228

OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG

mydeadcarcass

I WISHED FOR SNK MERCH THE FIRST TIME. I GOT A JACKET.

I WISHED FOR MY GIRLFRIEND THE SECOND TIME. I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

openyourthird-eye

THIS WORKs I WISHED I WAS MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA AND GUESS WHAT GUYS IM MOVING TO NC IN AUGUST I PROMISE U IM NOT LYING

ariya-art

guys ok ur probably thinking that this is all just bs right? WELL I THOUGHT SO TOO BUT I WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD CHAT ME AND HE DID AND IM FREAKING OUT not even kidding i swear on my grampas grave this works