in sincerity

This place becomes another blink of an eye. A collection of scribbles and verbal doodles drawn from memory, moment, or hope. While my daftness knows no end, my sincerity is finite.

[insincero]

the descent had destroyed me

and yet i lived.

[insincero]

the trillion trillion paths lay spread out before me all reaching far into the beautiful  all racing back to the same conclusion.

we are but temporary; fleeting thoughts of some celestial  -one of their brief dreams maybe.

smile and give a kiss, it’s all we’ve time for.

[insincero]

siento manos de todos ellos - todos familiares, caras frías y sin movimiento. gotas de sangre en mi vino hacen un recuerdo 

que pronto llega el fin

[insincero]

those reflections without eyes whose major features are obscured by shadow. they wave in passing and smile at the slightest acknowledgement.

i know what i am i’ve always known this cancer in me - it is me. and try as i might to shed this skin, to break free from these bindings.. the poisons are a temporary release. this self inflicted, treacherous , love affair i have with my own insanity is eternal.

mouth wide, throat deep, this pit has no bottom. i know it i have yet to reach it.

the tears have dried for now and i smile facing the gaping maw. i may fall, i may be beaten black and blue left in a heap.

but i will rise. and i will rise.

[insincero]

between the choked tears, gasping for air through the laughter, my sides hurt from the incessant tickling, my bones broken on the wheel.

on a moon-less night, in the public eye, i want my crucifixion to occur. feed the children of my body, drink of my blood and be merry. get drunk. and fuck.

the taste of sweat from a bare neck the spark of a touch the tearing of skin under razor. follow the tracks to a good and fat vein- ‘heaven comes here’. one is all i need i swear

[insincero]

sometimes i can’t seem to control myself. i know i should not let these things in things that, seem so insignificant and meaningless, but i break, over and over again i break.

the tears keep streaming down my face and i cant stop listening to the voices the ones willing me out of existence the ones praying me into nothing ‘if i could just blink this world away’

i feel so sick nothing more than my own disease eating away at bone. if i could describe how it felt maybe you’d understand but the words, try as they might to escape, are forced down drowned out by voices laughing and my lips can’t move and im a million miles away and nothing can reach me and nothing can reach me and nothing can reach me

[insincero]

in the morning light my skin turns to alabaster  an idea of what i was, what i never was

[insincero]

the tears still come and pain never subsides when i lie awake at night tossing into forever i shatter and burn in the white hot ether. 

[insincero]

David Bowie - I Can't Give Everything Away feat. Nine Inch Nails (Farewell Mix)

David Bowie - 07. I Can't Give Everything Away (★ "Blackstar", 2016)

I can’t give everything I can’t give everything

away.

[insincero]

i am dust.

a sidewalk mark, washed away.

[insincero]

i am swallowed whole in some myth some story made to scare the kids

i am the Dionysus and Devil i am the desire and fear  i am the electricity when skin touches skin

i am original sin i am the grace of the pious and penitent  i am the rage of the repressed.

i am no one and i am not me.

[insincero]

i cant tell if im dreaming anymore

  cant tell if im dreaming 

                                       anymore   cant tell if im

i                  im dreaming anymore

  cant

i cant tell if im dreaming anymore

 can         i       dream     anymore

[insincero]

ive already felt it all pour from me i only know the sense of weightlessness the feeling of standstill, the moment before a sudden drop. i know these feelings only in the planes between consciousness i know them between existence. and .

[insincero]

the burden of freewill

im so sick of the pain i’ve lived so many lifetimes filled with it-

so i will smile. my act of defiance against the god that puts me in hell is to reign here. 

i will be the devil they make me out to be because im the only one who can.

[insincero]

i sat at the same table our friend mentioned me in their story and your response was ‘who?’ and for every repetition, the same, who? who? who? i could feel it echoing behind me as i walked away as if you were following me  making sure i would disappear and my skin became translucent  and i became some memory slowly fading.

[insincero]

im chasing my own absence the shadows crawl up the walls they fold into themselves and exit through the vents their laughter echoing

the bare bulb flickers and dies and they flood back in

held in place the air is warm like too many bodies too many limbs they caress and play with me they tease. lick and prod. they cut. burn and pierce.

drained kept alive, but only just leaving enough blood to make sure my cock still hardens the light returns the laughter echoes through the vents i am and never was.

[insincero]

the madness comes in waves i feel absence and my heart breaks i numb myself and devour whats before me i take the gun to my temple

i squeeze.