It can be hard to deal when the list of people who have taken advantage of you grows longer. It's even worse when you thought the person who just grew that list would be a great, lasting friend in a place where you don't have a lot of those. I loved that we understood each other. We could talk about the good and bad parts of our lives and just... get it. We could have meaningful, deep conversations or go out, get fucked up, make excessively stupid jokes, and just have fun. I get wrapped up in that sometimes, I think, and ignore the warning signs. Like the fact that it usually upsets you when I spend alone time with my boyfriend and you aren't invited. Or the fact that you'll run out of your own party for no apparent reason, obviously wanting to see who would chase after you. Or the fact that you told me exaggerated, awful things about the guy I love (your best friend) and how he treated you... and you've done the same to him about me. I guess the final straw was him choosing to do something we could all be a part of rather than something that wouldn't include me. It really hurts to find out you tried to make him choose between us after I spent countless hours mending the relationship you have with each other. Justifying each of your actions and convincing you to remain friends. Insisting that no matter what happened I would love and be there for both of you. It hurts even more to realize all these signs that you've been causing rifts in my relationship, intentional or not, for as long as I've known you. I don't know what your intentions are--hell, I don't know if you know what your intentions are--but I hope that one day you'll understand why it isn't okay to do this to people. It isn't okay to use people when you're emotional and need a friend then toss them aside as soon as they're vulnerable and could use the same. I used to be like you. I understand it a little bit too well sometimes. You struggle with self image and you want to be loved and you're paranoid as hell that people don't want you around. But guess what? That neediness and hopelessness is the reason you struggle to maintain relationships. You have to stop relying on drugs and drama and making people feel bad for you to find meaning in your life. Be the person you want to have around you, not the hot mess that has to start shit with someone to see who's on your side. And stop throwing aside people that actually care about you. That's not how you'll find happiness.
