Yes, I am intersex. Yes, I know it's like seeing a unicorn, but I assure you, I do exist. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-17097487-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();
This older guy I know knows that I'm queer. He hasn't been out in months but he said the last time he was out that I was with my girlfriend and he didn't want to interrupt.
Me: My girlfriend?
Him: That girl you were with.
Me: Which one? When?
Him: You were with that one girl for a while.
Me: Uhh... There was a super creepy guy out one night so I pretended we were best friends so she'd have a gal pal.
Him: No, not that, the girl you were with. The short-haired blonde.
Me: Dude, no. We went to school together. We just still chat and hang out.
Him: So she's not your girlfriend?
Me: No. Nothing like that ever happened and I don't think it will ever happen. The closest word I could pick for us would be 'sisters'.
Him: Ohh
I've been every gender in the book but I've still not been able to understand why two straight girls could be out chatting and that's fine, but two queer girls must be dating or partners or something.
It was just nice to see her because I hadn't in a while.
Passing/bouncers/etc related things to going out for the night
Me: You've never checked my ID.
Girl bar bouncer friend: But I met you otherwise. I don't need to.
Me: So you've never noticed the error on it.
Girl: What error?
I hand over my ID.
Me: See the error?
Girl: No, this is valid ID.
Me: Keep looking?
Girl: Umm... hmm... ohhh!
Me: Yeah, the part where it says "Sex: M"? I didn't file to change it because this thing actually allows me to marry a girl in a state without same-sex marriage.
Girl: I never see that. I look at birth year, expiration, picture and name. Sometimes if I wonder then I'll make sure the hologram and barcode look good.
Just some more advice for people whose chosen name doesn't or can't match the gender marker on their ID.
Also! In the US I can have the gender marker changed on my passport because I have a disc of estrogen right here. And I think (I hate to presume!) that because passports are actually international documents that you can do that anywhere.
I can't believe I forgot about this! Or maybe I just never thought about it?
I was maybe six months on female hormones and my ex-fiancee comes back through town to visit.
There was a very gendered thing that we used to do in that whenever we would order sandwiches or burgers somewhere and they would put a dill pickle spear on my plate that the first thing I would do was to put it on her plate.
But now I've got this huge jar of pickles in my fridge. I'm not a guy anymore. I'm a girl. And my female chemistry totally wants pickles.
My ex sees this and wants to take me out. She orders some appetizers.
Her: Hey, try this.
Me: A pepper? I don't like peppers.
Her: I know you've had these on sandwiches or pizzas or something.
Me: [I bite into a whole pepper] Oh wow! This is awesome! [nom nom nom]
She picks up another and insists I'll like it. Pickled artichoke hearts? WTF? But she says to try it. [nom nom nom] OMG It's good!
Everything was good that night. And the best thing that was good?
The person who knew me best in the whole world accepted me and helped to show me what I really am.
Thambos had some additional commentary on the post I made, because I still have limited views on FTM identities. Check it out.
MTF people have limited identities to work on. It's basically this super-masculine thing or you have the kinda homo/metro identity thing.
But FTM people have things like 'tomboy' and 'butch' before people will accept them as male. I lack the ability to comment on these and I trust that my friends will be able to answer questions on these kinds of comments.
So please, if people allow questions, then question them. These people are open to help you understand yourself.
There's a young trans* girl that I've been mentoring for a while now.
[I'm pretty sure this works both ways]
Her: I don't know what to tell my family.
Me: Girl, you've already decided.
Her: But my therapist said...
Me: Therapists read books. They don't know you.
Her: But she said I should...
Me: Do you think the average guy wakes up in the morning and thinks, "Hey, maybe I might be a chick?"
Her: Not really.
Me: So you already know, but right now you're just accepting it.
Her: Oh... hmm... yeah...
I'd spent the first time with my niece who was then about four weeks old. I put her in my lap but then she got fussy.
Me: What do I do?
Sister: I think she wants to be held up.
Me: Up?
Sister: Put her against your chest.
[I try that and my niece quiets up.]
Me: Yes, I have pillows attached to my chest! Cuddle up!
[To my sister]
Me: Is it because she can hear my heart? I've got these pillows attached to me but I'm not sure what she wants.
Sister: Me neither, just keep trying until you figure out what she wants.
So these freaking annoying things on my chest now are finally good for something. Because otherwise they're a real pain in the ass.
I was raised as a boy, and that's what I thought I was. Then I found out that I wasn't.
Now I live in a world where when I go out to have a drink that girls ask me to watch their purses and my roommates tap on my door to ask if I can spare a tampon.
It's just constantly weird to me.
A few years ago a friend told me that there was a job available as a receptionist at the women's center. I told her that there was no way that I could accept it because I couldn't expect a young woman coming in to report an assault to walk in and have to report that to a guy.
But now I'm the girl who's watching drinks and purses so that those kind of things never happen.
I could keep rambling but this is just more of the mess in my head.
Skip over this post if you don't want to hear about gross girl stuff, because it's some gross girl stuff. Seriously, it's gross.
I'm out with a friend and after a while she's looking at me kinda funny.
Her: Are you okay?
Me: Cramps... but otherwise I'm good.
Her: Okay.
I leave her before I normally would have but I'm seriously hurting. By the time I walk all two blocks home I'm really kinda wobbling and not walking straight anymore because I can't.
I put on a movie and try to lie down to watch it but the cramps move up. Now I'm nauseous and the best I can do is lie on my bedroom floor before it happens again.
I wait and wait and wait and maybe three hours pass and my uterus makes this sound that would make most people's stomach turn at some alien chest-bursting movie.
And... I'm good? I just had to wait for the most disgusting sound ever and then I can be okay again?
Uteruses suck. I hate this thing. I don't know how half the human population can do this every month without the other half knowing how it feels.
Brain sex/transsex/intersex and standardized tests
Okay, so there have been a few studies done about the intelligence of males and females. There have also been tests about how people's brains work and how or if there are differences.
If you watch the film Good Hair, there is some discussion that young girls test as having higher IQ's than boys, but by the time that they are young women test has having lower IQ's than boys.
There was a study around 1999 where doctors examined the brains of deceased trans* people and found that all the trans* women matched the brains of any other woman and that trans* men matched the brains of any other man.
That study was scrutinized for being biased because many of those trans* people were on hormone therapy for so long that their brains adapted to it. So! Another group around 2008 did fMRI tests on pre-hormones trans* people and duplicated the results.
Then questions come up! So if a trans* woman was born male but had a predisposition to being at an intellectual advantage over males but was socialized as a male, would she retain the advantage through adulthood? Also how would a trans* man test after not associating with his female upbringing?
And how would intersex brains ever fit into any of that?
If anyone wants to do a doctoral dissertation on any of that, there's nothing I can find on any of it and wants to do a study, please go for it. People like me are curious!
Since you're intersex, on standardized tests do you bubble in female or male? I'm not trying to be rude,I'm actually really curious.
No, no! You're not being rude. That's why my ask box is set to even allow anonymous questions. If people really want to know these things, they can just ask me.
I don't have an answer actually because I didn't find out I was intersex until after college. I changed all my ID and everything to female-gendered and that's what I check whenever asked.
Most intersex people answer on the binary. So... I'm a girl with extra bits attached. This just makes me a girl with extra bits, so I answer that I'm female.
Even of the intersex people who answer that their gender is non-binary, they'll still pick a binary answer on their forms.
If you're asking if the brain sex test result discrepancy that happens among trans* people happens among intersex people, there is no data that I've ever seen on that subject.
Oh geez, I'll have to explain that one now. One moment...