thinkin bout the generational trauma passed down through the baran/daniels family that lula is terrified she'll inevitably fall victim to
those of u who know my lula know that her birth name was lucy may daniels. daniels was her father's surname, and her mother's name is georgia baran. she lived with her grandmother after her father died, and she is her father's mother, so a daniels. she's lovely, although didn't know where to put her own grief for her son, and was a little distant when lula was a teenager.
georgia baran is another story altogether. if she'd got the help she needed, she would never have acted the way she did. it's a really sad story tbh. essentially, georgia and her older sister, mina, lived with their mother, esther, when they were younger.
their father was often away at work and when he came home it was fine, and esther would be the perfect housewife and mother. but when he was gone, she tormented the girls day and night. she was a narcissist, she was unpredictable and needed help herself. but back then, help didn't exist attainably for her wealth. the cycle of abuse stemmed back to her own mother and her brother, georgia's uncle. esther sent the girls out to work as soon as she possibly could, and always took whatever they earned.
when georgia and mina arrived home from work, they never knew what mood their mother would be in. It was a daily dose of terror for the both of them. sometimes she would be suspiciously kind, the sort that is never trustworthy, the sort that expects a favour to be returned. often, she would be in a bad mood, she would have been drinking, and there would come the screaming and the throwing of plates and chairs, the constant threats to her own safety and to the safety of the girls. the constant berating, the calling of names, often comparing them to devil children.
georgia and mina were creative children and were talented at gymnastics and dance. they learned from each other and from school while they were there. they worked well together, and they were always plotting to run away and join the circus. and that's just what they did, as soon as georgia turned 18. they ran away and joined a circus passing through town, The Arcane Elysium.
the two stayed with the circus for years as an aerialist double act, the storm and the hurricane, but they never quite healed from what they went through as children. mina developed ptsd and bpd, and unfortunately became a source of further trauma for georgia, who was on watch for her most nights, frightened of any harm she might put herself in. mina was self sabotaging. she'd go off with strange men, she'd drink herself into a stupor, and she'd always end up standing too close to a river.
mina had a son with an eclectic man in one of the regular cities they stopped in. he was a magician, and she had fun with him and his friends. but as soon as she gave birth, she returned to the circus and left him in the arms of his father.
georgia always believed this was when mina tipped over the edge. she took her own life a few years later, wading into the sea.
georgia met adrian just after this happened. he was a life insurance adjuster. it turned out mina's will left her with enough money to retire from performing and put everything behind her. georgia baran became georgia daniels and she locked everything away in a tiny corner of her mind, never wanting to open it again. georgia and adrian were happy in a quiet way, although he admired her spark and passionate outbursts now and again.
when they had lucy, they went to go and see the cirque du soleil every year.
it was lucy that broke georgia's spirit. someone had said that on the witness stand after the incident, and lula had never forgotten it. lucy was louder than her parents, she was a performer like her mother. like her aunt. it terrified georgia. she would punish her by locking her in the basement like she locked her past away. lucy reminded her too much of mina, her determination, her sense of humour.
georgia started to break slowly, cracks beginning to form. she would forget things she'd done that day, and there were times she would drift around the house completely unresponsive. sometimes, she would snap, and scream, and become hysterical at the push of a button with no hope of calming down, even after lucy would beg and beg. it was clear she had a dissociative disorder, postpartum depression, c-ptsd- and needed help. adrian was none the wiser. he just assumed she was changing, and he loved her, and didn't want to leave. so, he pretended everything was alright. the circles around his eyes told other stories.
all of it led up to the nervous breakdown georgia experienced, believing adrian was cheating on her, ending his life with a knife in front of 10 year old lucy. the trial was long, and the sentence was high security institutionalisation.
georgia has days where she's lucid, days where she's aggressive and can't be contained so is left instead, and days where she is somewhere else entirely. she has the beginnings of slightly early onset dementia forming. lula visits her every year on her birthday. every year, lula shuts off for a week around the day.
lula will never have kids. she knows what happens to the baran daughters. some people were never meant to be mothers. she doesn't think she is, either. this cycle of trauma ends with her.
but she's terrified she'll hurt those around her and one day slowly begin to crack like the women before her did. and that's why she locks lucy down in the basement with the big clock that she used to watch, waiting for the hatch to open and her father to let her out again.
