Its All Up To You

[into-the-madness13]

Ghost

They say not to live in the past or you'll miss the future, but sometimes I like to have coffee with the ghosts that live in my memories if only to have coffee with you again.

[into-the-madness13]

Eventually

When we met I told you everyone leaves me eventually, and you promised you weren't going anywhere. Now you've left me here alone with a broken heart and your empty promises. I told you everyone leaves eventually, but I was really hoping you would stay. Silly me for believing you.

[into-the-madness13]

Cinderella

You make all the fairy tale stories seem true, and that scares me more than any evil stepmother ever could. I stopped wishing on stars a long time ago, yet here you are standing in front of me, my wish in human form. I'm scared someone will take off the rose-colored glasses, and at midnight my fairy tale will disappear. I'm scared you'll find your cinderella, but it won't be me who fits the glass slipper; you'll marry another and live happily ever after, while I'm stuck sleeping near the cinders and talking to mice.

[into-the-madness13]

Heaven

Maybe in the eyes of God, I am still redeemable, but in the eyes of his loyal followers, I am beyond saving. To prove them right, I add to my ever-growing list of sins that I can't be so easily forgiven for. When the time comes for me to be judged, I will wear my sins proudly, for they are acts that I committed, and I shall deal with the consequences of my actions.

[into-the-madness13]

Father

The first man to teach me I needed to scream to be heard was my father. When I was younger, often when I would speak he would simply talk over me as if whatever I had to say wasn't important enough to be said; and I would simply quiet down and hold my tongue believing my words held no meaning. Now I know better, I know that when a man starts to believe my words mean nothing, to simply just start saying them louder, so loud that they can't ignore me. So thank you father, thank you for teaching me that in this world women have to yell to be heard.

[into-the-madness13]

New

I've become a stranger to myself, someone my younger self wouldn't know. I think I like this new version better she's stronger, and she doesn't back down.

[into-the-madness13]

Dear God,

Are you really as all-powerful as they say? Are you really as holy as my mother peaches you are? Are you really all-knowing as my sister believes you to be? Or were you just a man, doing what all men do best, lie? Were you just a man with the power to make people listen, I know other men with that same power, but we didn't deem them gods; no we considered them, devils. The only difference between them and you is people refused to see the holes in your religion, they believe that it and you are perfect. Your religion has caused wars, and people kill in your name, yet somehow you are still all mighty and sinless; unlike your creations. If we were made in your "perfect image" then you dear sweet creator have one fucked up imagination. You died for our sins right, do you regret it? Because in the end, we're all sinners, we're all liars, and you died for nothing. But you already knew that, didn't you? Because you never really died for us, because you were never really a god. You were always just a man who got people to believe he was all mighty. Love, A Faithful Follower

[into-the-madness13]

Body

Another man has fallen in love with me, or at least he has fallen in love with my body. That's the same thing, right? Because that's the only type of love I know, sexual love.

[into-the-madness13]

Broken Heart

Funny how someone you never even dated could still break your heart. You broke the last piece of my heart with unfulfilled promises and a longing for something you never planned to give me. Sweet nothings that were spoken in the dead of night, reassuring words that were all just lies.

[into-the-madness13]

Hurt

Why did I think you'd be any different? In the end, I'm still the one who got hurt, and you got away with nothing but a scratch.

[into-the-madness13]

Memories

Memories are strange things, you never realize that the moment you are living in right now will someday just be a distant memory. Yet every memory feels like it was just yesterday, just yesterday I was 7 and learning how to ride a bike for the first time, or just yesterday I was 14 and scared to death about starting high school. In reality, those are just distant memories and I’m not 7 or 14, I’m 20, and someday 20 will just be a memory.

[into-the-madness13]

Men

To the men that I've slept with who have made me self-conscious of my body, fuck you. Now because of you I have this fear of men only wanting me for my body and once they get what they want they will leave. So fuck you for affecting all my relationships after you.

[into-the-madness13]

Sign

I'm sitting in the dark just wishing for a sign, something to tell me to keep fighting, that right now might suck, but just wait a while things will get better this isn't forever.

[into-the-madness13]

Icarus and Me

I've recently come to realize that I have lived through the story of Icarus myself, that I flew and touched the sky for a brief moment before falling back down to the earth and plummeting. For context I was 9 years old when during a game of jumping the furthest off the back of a truck I won, I jumped and I flew and I made it, but when I landed I had broken my foot; I didn’t tell my parents till the next day. In that moment I understood why Icarus reached for the sun even though he had been warned no to, and I understood the feeling and crashing but still laughing as we fell because we had done it, we had touched the sun and now had to deal with the consequences. 

[into-the-madness13]

Love?

I have a question for anyone who’s ever been in love, and you don’t have to still be in love to answer. My question is, what does it feel like? I’ve never been in love and I don’t have the best examples of it either, but I’m so curious on what it felt like or feels like. To anyone who answers thank you, and I hope you are forever in love or that you find it again in someone new.