Just a grieving man who needs somewhere to vent, don't mind me

[intothevoidmythoughtsgo]

Pinned

Don't mind me, this blog's only purpose is for me to yell into the void

[intothevoidmythoughtsgo]

Why didn't anyone tell me that you can smell sickness?

I can't be near my Mom because the smell of illness is so strong and it's causing me to panic over and over, yet I'm so scared of being far, because what if I go to bed and she's gone? Without me saying goodbye?

I think I'm going through bereavement? I can't eat, sleep or calm myself down. The littlest thing keeps pushing me over the edge.

I can feel my empty stomach and the brain fog from lack of sleep, but why should I be able to eat and sleep when my Mom can't? I nearly puked every time I tried anyways.

I can't afford therapy after all this is over, my family can't even afford even the simplest funeral. I suggested a GoFundMe, but I'm not sure if that would even work?

God don't let my Grandma bury her daughter in a nameless grave.

[intothevoidmythoughtsgo]

I have a question to anyone who sees this

How do I move on from the death of a close family member? Even if said death hasn't happened yet, but will very soon?

[intothevoidmythoughtsgo]

I'm grieving someone who is still alive, but won't be for long.

My mother is dying. Her body is eating itself inside out. I don't want her to be in pain and I don't want to grieve.

I was told just last night my mother won't make it, I've been trying to be optimistic for over a year, I tried to believe she'll live.

I'm a grown man yet I feel like I still need her to help me with basic adulting. I have no biological father, he is dead to me.

My elders have been so strong for me and my siblings.

My grief is making me sick, literally, I've been struggling to eat, drink or control myself, I can't stop crying, I feel so empty. Other than my stepdad I'm an orphan now.

I've also recently had to remove myself from one of my primary comforts due to a rise in Harassment and abuse becoming the norm, I can't endulge myself in others because they have characters that remind me of Mom.

I am 20 years old yet I can't consider myself grown, I am a child in a adults body. I can't even begin to imagine how my stepdad or my grandma feel. I feel like my needs are inferior to others, why should I be able to eat if my mother can't, why should I live if she can't?