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letter to my future self,

dear E, today marks as August 7, 2020. i was going through old photos of us in our social media accounts, and it’s really in those moments that it would dawn on me that time really have flown by. nostalgia hit me like a train HAHA bc things are really different now. never in my wildest imaginations did i think that there would be so much stuff happening all at the same time and i never imagined any of the things that’s happening to me now. but anyway, i’ll be having my first college class in a few weeks. i don’t really know what to expect as i’ve forgotten what school is like, most especially that we aren’t doing it in a real classroom anymore but in a virtual one. but beyond the anxiety for the challenges i’d be facing in my college life, lies the excitement and anticipation to new experiences and unforgettable memories i am to discover in this new journey i’m about to embark on in a couple of weeks. with that, i really do hope i am ready for what i’m about to go through, if not, i know God’s got me :). i hope you, my older self, never forget that too :) maybe you feel like no one understands you but do know that God does. sure know what that feels like haha, but keep going! u might feel that you aren’t doing any good and that’s okay! :) as long as u strive to always do your best even if it doesn’t feel like it. so keep your chin up! and don’t forget that God has always, and will always love you. <3 with love, your younger and much naive self. ;)

first love

when i was in 7th grade. a guy belonging from another grade messaged me and since i wanted to be friends with a lot of people, i talked to him. and after a while, my bestfriend told me that he liked me, even before i talked to him. i still remember my heart fluttering when i heard that. before i knew it, i started to like him back too, so i told him. i was scared of the idea of having a boyfriend at a young age because it felt like having such a serious relationship comes with really big responsibility that i wouldn’t be able to keep up with. he understood and felt the same way so, we just labeled our relationship as mutual understanding. i loved our relationship, we understood and cared for each other and no one has ever given me that kind of feeling even until now. i don’t know if i truly loved him but i know that i cherished and truly cared for him in a way that i haven’t felt and done for anyone. but then, things happened. i actually thought i’d be beyond devastated if the relationship ended, but i didn’t. i just felt really sad and extremely disappointed in him because he didn’t even try to fight for our relationship, like it didn’t have any meaning to him. fast forwarding to a year after. i wasn’t studying at our school anymore, but i still visited whenever there were events. i saw him. he matured so much. i could tell he matured not only with physical aspects but also with his attitude and personality. gone was the boy who was cheeky and energetic, the one that always tried to talk to me in person and had me blushing and my heart pounding like crazy because of his cute antics. instead, i saw a young adult who was calm and relaxed, a boy maturing into a man with confidence. there were jail and wedding booths at the school event and i found out that he was supposed to be in a wedding booth with a girl who i heard was his now partner in a mutual understanding relationship. i think i heard my heart crack that day. coincidentally, my friends chose to sit by the benches near the wedding booth. from the corner of my eye, i saw the girl wearing the “wedding veil” waiting for him to come. but he was nowhere to be found. god, help me. i don’t know what was going with his head but i have never felt so relieved that he didn’t come. i wouldn’t know what i would do if he did. probably would’ve left because i don’t think my heart could handle the sight alone. god, i’m way over my head. a tiny part of me would like to think that even if he moved on from me, he still cared enough to think that i might get hurt if i see him with another girl. i don’t know. i really can’t move on. i can’t forget about him no matter how hard i try. even after 6 year. can you believe it? even i can’t. after all, he was my first love.

#firstlove #nostalgia #icantstopthinkingabouthim

you confessed for the purpose of not having to regret telling me how you felt,

but when you started to ignore me for whatever reason, our friendship just went down the drain.

is that something you don't regret doing too?

sometimes i wish you didn't tell me instead.

isn’t it funny? the people who does the hurting can continue living life without a care, while the ones who were hurt will never forget the pain they felt and it will be something that can always come back to haunt them.

they say to cut your relationships with people who are toxic, but what if they’re the very people you live with?

explaining your side of the story is honestly so tiring when the other person is so caught up in their own feelings and reasoning that they wouldn’t even bother understanding yours.

the basis of any real relationship is respect and common decency, but how do you get along with people who refuse to have common decency and respect towards you?

extramadness

jacintanest-deactivated20200103

Sometimes it’s hard to breathe. You gasp for air and your lungs strain for oxygen, but your chest feels heavy and tightened, and it hurts.. Negativity moves into the vacant room in your mind; the room you never intended to lease; and you find yourself swept up in distress and misinterpretation. You throw your hands up hoping for a lifeline, for some kind of ladder that leads to freedom; but your vision is clouded. You’re overwhelmed, your stomach churns as though it’s mixing concrete made from sadness, in order to build castles out of all the moments you’d simply much rather forget. Its hard to swallow. It’s hard to concentrate. It feels impossible to initiate, communicate or allow anybody close enough to relate. Anxiety is the thief that steals the very essence of what it feels like to be present, and sends you spiraling into a whirlwind of self-exclusion and internal hibernation. It is consuming, containing, confronting and contaminating; but it does not define you, and it must not control you! You may be wounded by the influence of anxiety, but you must not submit to its impact. Find your place and position of empowerment in Christ, and set your feet on His promise and truth. With all you have, you must declare war and believe for triumph over the battles that plague your mind. Refuse to lay down and take another emotional beating. Stand as firm as you can in the face of adversity, and when your feet become weary, find rest in the arms of your Savior. You are not your own army, marching alone; you belong to a spiritual army of many; led by the almighty One. Believe in the royalty that flows through your veins, and hold tight to the promise that His joy and peace will prevail! Focus on your future; your past has no power. Take action against negativity; you control your direction. Set realistic goals; celebrate the smallest of achievements. Turn your pressures into prayers; His promises are yes and amen. Nurture your health; it is easier to maintain than replenish. And please, nourish your support system; starting with Jesus; your true cornerstone and refuge. He is ever present, ever compassionate and always, always available. #anxiety #jesuschrist

Please follow and support my main ministry platform on Instagram: @jacinta.nest

#anxiety #Godsend #frustrations #Godlovesus

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C.S.Lewis

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“I know the plans I have for you,” announces the Lord. “I want you to enjoy success. I do not plan to harm you. I will give you hope for the years to come. Jeremiah 29:11

intricatelythought

huhu:")

nakedly

You are beautiful. Break the beauty standards. Be in your own skin and make it into whatever you want. Break all the standards. We will not be defined by societies ideas. We are not obliged to shut up and sit down. We are not here to fall into the pressure of others perception of us, nor are we built from it. If society is wrong, remember you are part of it and you can change it. Together we can. If you want something to be heard, speak. Do not raise your voice, raise your words. If it does not get heard, turn your words and ideas into actions. No matter what gender, sexuality or race we are- It is not a factor that can hold us back. Whatever you do, do it kindly, and just do you. ❤️

Annika’s Thoughts (via nakedly)