Three Goblin Art
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Not today Justin
Game of Thrones Daily
trying on a metaphor
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AnasAbdin
izzy's playlists!
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pixel skylines
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
i don't do bad sauce passes
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Kaledo Art
DEAR READER
Cosimo Galluzzi
roma★
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@invisiblehoward
✿ INVISIBLEHOWARD: welcome! i’m ems, 23 & my pronouns are she/her. this is an independent, private & selective lexi howard from hbos euphoria! this blog is low to moderate activity that touches on dark themes & may contain nsfw (but will be tagged!) so is strictly 18s and over!
please check out my google doc for rules & verses!
i have neglected lexi but hopefully should be getting on this weekend. askljkdh sorry to lex, the stranger things brainrot has been real.
#stonedbingham ! independent & private eden bingham from netflix's stranger things . heavily headcanon based , written by ems ! ©️
i miss those days.
@invisiblehoward // lexi
“I disappeared into books when I was very young, disappeared into them like someone running into the woods.”
— Rebecca Solnit (via babylullabies)
arthur / auraknighte !
“You’re here almost as much as I am, @invisiblehoward,” Arthur can’t blame her though, this bookstore is almost like a second home for him most days. Only a single book stays firm between his hand while he leans against one of the entrances into the cafe. His gaze drops on the book she has open in front of her; could be a fun book, could be a school book, he can’t tell, “Reading for fun or reading for class?” a beat, “Which, can be fun at times, honestly.”
Looking up from her book, Lexi greets him with a bright smile as she stops her reading. “You’re not going to kick me out for reading too much, are you?” she teases him playfully as she sits up straight. It is just one book today, typically Lexi would have stacks in her arms and pretend like she isn’t struggling. “It is reading for fun today.” Her hand lifting up the book to show him the title ‘Where the Crawdads Sing’. “So far, it is really good. I kind of got sucked into it right away. What are you reading?”
steve / alwaysbabysitter !
@invisiblehoward sent “so… did you miss me?”
Steve’s hands inch closer as they sit near one another. “Lexi,” he gave her a hint of a smile. “Anyone would be crazy not to miss you.” He wasn’t just feeding the girl a line or saying what he thought she wanted to hear. Robin had told him to be himself, part of being Steve Harrington was that he was romantic, that he actually said what he meant when it came to a girl he liked. “You wouldn’t think that I actually wouldn’t miss you, would you?”
Her cheeks immediately redden, eyes casting towards her feet shyly as he spoke. She was just being playful when she spoke first and his answer definitely caught her by surprise. “Oh I’m not sure about that.” Her teeth biting down on her bottom lip. Everybody knew that Steve Harrington was pretty smooth when it came to girls but she hoped that this was different. Her crush on Steve was starting to get a little embarrassing, he made her nervous and slightly giddy. “I thought you’d be too busy to miss me... besides, I was only gone for a few minutes,” her lips turned into a bright smile as she met his eyes finally. “But I missed you too.”
happy pride, especially to lexi howard ! <3
billy / flayedboy.
he’s grown used to that kind of attention , he got it back home since before he hit puberty; why wouldn’t it be the same here ? the rest of his beer is knocked back and his signature SMIRK is shot back to lexi while arms raise into a shrug. “ that’s the best part , isn’t it ? “ billy will nod at his own words as eyes look off behind her , just staring at the crowd , mostly all here for the same thing as him. to FORGET. a chuckle comes with her words and blue eyes fall back to her with an eye roll. “ yeah? you know you’re right , you really looked like you were having the TIME OF YOUR LIFE over here. “ his arm will extend out , reaching behind lexi for the bottle of alcohol on the counter behind her. even as the bottle is carefully at his side , billy doesn’t remove himself from the girl’s personal space. instead he just lets his tongue peak out over his lips while looking down to her. “ you’re always gonna let yourself be in the background, huh? “
her nose scrunches up at that. maybe it is the best part for most people, her mind going to how her sister and their friends love to drink but to lexi ? it leaves her anxious . she can’t control any of her actions when drunk or high and she says things without thinking them through first . she cringes slightly thinking about how she asked cassie about hook ups at the dance a few weeks ago . “ i don’t think getting drunk and being out of control seems pretty great to me . ” eyes narrowing slightly as she studies him carefully. billy usually isn’t the type to concern himself with someone like HER . “ well, i was having a perfectly fine time before you showed up. ” arms crossing defensively over her chest as she tries to pull back , the table behind her digging into her back now . she wills herself to keep it together , not liking how he is crowding her right now . “ i don’t or want to be the CENTRE OF ATTENTION . unlike you ! ”
away for a few days & i didn’t get around to queueing for lex so i promise i’ll be back next week. 😅💖
EUPHORIA 2.08: All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name
“I think your play was the first time I was able to look at my life and not hate myself.”
tommy / vihilum.
“What were your hobbies?” There was a smile brimming - she listened to him nerd out about stitching together masks by hand for ten minutes, he wanted her to ramble on about what she’d done, “Always a writer?” He couldn’t imagine her dedicating her life to anything but words - she strung things together in a way that he really paid heed to. Words that stuck like glue.
“Was your dad around?” A support system was noticeably absent from his life after his hospitalizations - the massacres, and what remained of his family chose to believe, his sister, absent too. “My dad wasn’t really present, even before…” his mom’s death, and he clears his throat, adjusting in his seat. “I think he thought we’d find the distance cool. We didn’t.” There were fragments he left unsaid, pieces he let Lexi pick up on her own. Not for lack of wanting to share. But he didn’t like how it strained his voice - so he mostly stayed quiet, or left the hard parts unsaid. “He didn’t come see me. After a while, Trish stopped writing too.” His family wanted to move forward, and he remained fixated on the past, revisiting and reburying. “How are you and Cassie now?” His own relationship with his sister remained estranged, “Last I spoke to Trish, she’d gotten married.” He hadn’t received an invitation to the wedding. There was a laugh that didn’t quite reach his eyes, attempt at levity, “Might even have a kid now for all I know.”
Not many people ask her about herself but when they do, she appreciates it a lot. She has always been the one in the background and she doesn’t often talk about her own interests. “Reading, watching musicals, I also used to love roller skating at the rink in town. I won a trophy once for it but... my dad couldn’t afford to let me keep going,” she tells him with a shrug. Her roller skating days where cut short, just as Cassie’s had been with her ice skating. It had been hard at the time but it gave Lexi other ways to escape, how she always liked to live her imagination after that because it was better than her reality. “Yeah, always. I love making up stories, thinking of lives that are different to my own and also putting down the way I see the world in my own words. I think there is something beautiful about it and it is also a release of so many feelings.” That is the main reason why she writes, having an outlet for her own feelings and exposing herself to the world in a different way.
His question catches her a little off guard. She is never quite prepared to speak about her dad much, the wound cuts a little deep and her mind wanders to how he is. He isn’t dead or they’d probably know... but it didn’t make this any easier. “Not really. My mom and him used to fight a lot... then he became an addict. Haven’t seen him since he broke in to steal our good china.” Her shoulders shrugging a little. She still feels guilt about that, not having told anyone like her mom who might have stopped him. She has kept it a secret and it had weighed on her for some time. Her head tilting as she listens to him about his dad, a little relieved that she isn’t the only one. “I’m sorry about your dad. Was he closed off with everyone in your family?” Of course, she doesn’t want him to answer if he isn’t comfortable but she knows that sometimes it is good to talk to someone you trust.
Her brows furrowing at the mention of his siter not writing. Her heart aching a little at the thought of how lonely he must have felt. “You deserve better than that, Tommy.” She means it too. Her smile growing a little at the mention of Cassie, glad that they have repaired their relationship. “It was rocky for a while... post play. We both apologised though, when she realised how awful Nate was to her and how she couldn’t lose everything for him,” she explains. They love she has for Cassie is indescribable. Her sister who always tried to protect her when they were young and their parents fought. The tables turned in high school and Lexi took over that role to protect Cassie. She never regrets it. Hand reaching out to take his carefully, her thumb stroking the back of it comfortingly. “You don’t deserve to be shut out of her life, Tommy. I’m sorry that has happened... I hope one day she comes around.”
rue / redemptioninterlude.
There’s a sideways look ; it matches her sideways smile. Mouth all curled and puckered, there’s a knowingness there. Like the way that Lexi always knew when things were different with Rue, without her having to really say a word. Who ate her denials for breakfast and came back, still, soft and lovely and warm and kind. That’s the Lexi she didn’t deserve, god knew, she didn’t deserve her. SHE KNEW ALL THINGS, Lexi, the girl who blinked twice after she’d slipped guiltily from that laundry room and hissed, a sound that still carried above the din of the music there at the party, “You did it, didn’t you?” that nameless thing. That continuity of womanhood that felt oh so alien. Lexi there again, as she looked at her and took her to the bathroom, how they wiped her thighs down and she didn’t say anything, not Lexi, to anybody.
This is them taking new steps together. It isn’t about their teenaged dreams anymore, it was them looking forwards, to growing up. Still a terrifying, but, you know, a little less so when your best friend of 14 YEARS AND COUNTING was right there with you. “Why would I be?” a slow blink, Rue’s dark eyes, hard to read, even now when glancing upwards, pulling at zippers. It’s so small, what he life packs up into, tongue slick along her lower lip, that quiet laugh. “I’m me. And not me at the same time. Like, being on drugs made me a different person. But now I don’t know who I am anymore? I guess that’s okay though. It’s like. An act of becoming. All of this, here, and now. What we go do. That’s me fucking… figuring it out.” she’s still full of starts, stops, fumbling, messes… but.
With her, her, she’s always been better. Their hands together, the both of them faced off against some grand, giant PERHAPS hanging over them like a promise and a threat, all at once. It was fine. It was them. So of course it’d be alright, a sly exchange in that glance of hers, loaded up. “Well duh. I mean. I’ll beat all of them all.” junkie strength, they called it once from her, when she lost it during a panic attack. Lexi always calms her down. Keeps her focused. She’s like, the only reason her mom’s even letting her do this in the first place. “I’m just praying out place doesn’t end up being some fucking cockroach palace, or is that just in New York? Fuck. I have no idea. I just wanna like. Get there already. Even if our first night is just us hanging out on some mattress on the floor, it’s gonna be ours you know? And you’re going to be… like, fucking amazing. I just wanted you to know that.” Lexi, who always worries about her, she doesn’t spend enough time on herself.
- @invisiblehoward
DESPITE WAITING FOR THIS DAY, Lexi feels an unsettling anxiety in the pit of her stomach. So much can go wrong in a split second, a reminder that she will never be over seeing the worst outcome in every scenario. It’s been engraved on her brain since day one, when she was meant to be young and careless... Lexi spent those years gnawing away at her fingernails with worry, anxiety about her parents splitting up, about the attention Cassie got, and then about her father. It is like she can never escape her mind for more than a minute, not even when she smoked weed for the first time. She hates that there is no way to escape it but also, she knows that the ways Rue did aren’t right either. It is like a vicious cycle, damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Her shoulders shrug when Rue asks why would she be worried. The list that Lexi curates in her mind isn’t something she can say out loud, knowing that it might all sound pathetic to the other. She can’t even be happy about the one thing she has wanted her whole life, to be away from her home and responsibilities... just her and Rue now.
“Don’t mind me, I think I’m just overthinking.” A soft smile on her lips before she is nodding along to the others words. That is true, Rue is herself but she has changed a lot over the years. How could she even know who she was when she was on drugs? Lexi can see where she is coming from. “You’re definitely not alone. I don’t know who I am either... childhood homes shape you but I don’t think they ever let you be your true self. You know?” Lexi wonders as she casts her doe eyes towards Rue. She is just glad to be figuring it out with someone by her side, someone she knows won’t judge anything she does or question her every movement. It brought her a lot of comfort to know that Rue would never force Lexi into doing anything she didn’t want to and the two of them being comfortable was a top priority. The year has changed them for the better, Lexi knows that. She feels secure where they are now, holding hands and going off to do this as a team. It is what she’s always wanted, how they used to talk about getting out together in middle school and before everything happened. It is finally a reality.
Her lips forming a grin as she thinks back to the days of Rue protecting her, how she is always the one people used to pick on as a kid or even teenager. Once the play went ahead, people stopped with their whispers and actually thought Lexi was more than just Cassie Howards little sister. It was nice for a while. “My hero.” She fake swoons, using her free hand to clutch over her heart dramatically with a soft giggle, leaning her head against Rue’s shoulder as they get closer. It feels nice, to do this without thinking and worrying about rejection from Rue. “I went through every single review! It better not have some nasty bugs or something,” she shudders at the thought. Their place is small but it’s theirs, which is what matters. Cheeks heating up at the compliment, hiding her face shyly in the others shoulder. “I’m going to do my best. I hope I don’t hate college... I always felt like that is where I’ll thrive.”
lexi is alive. i’m going to get around to drafts/queueing stuff !
@invisiblehoward // lexi
fezco / fezdispenser.
@invisiblehoward gets a bridgerton starter!
Of course, he should know better than to have allowed himself to grow so fond of Miss Alexis, how he finds himself awaiting her weekly clandestine visits to the bookshop, spends all his free time getting lost himself within the pages of the books that line the shop walls, squireling away the ones he thinks she’d love, leaving handwritten notes within the margins for her to read. His Grandma scolds him, warning him how he has no business fraternizing with the ton, he tells her how Lexi is different, and she reminds him his place and hers, how they’re from DIFFERENT worlds; how he’s read too many books, too lost within his own imagination for his own good, and maybe he thinks there might be some truth within her words as much as its wounds him to hear.
They’re JUST friends, he reminds himself every time his heart flutters at the thought of her, how Lexi fast becomes the highlight of his week, despite his Grandma’s warnings. It’s Thursday, and he eagerly awaits her arrival, a copy a Pride and Prejudice set aside for her arrival, only off the presses a few short weeks ago. She arrives a little after 1pm and the two scurry off a quiet space in the back of the store away from prying eyes, god forbid they should be seen talking in such a manner so openly.
Fez holding out the book for her, “This came in this week, Pride and Prejudice, written by the same author as Sense and Sensibility, I do wonder who she is don’t you? A mystery, like Lady Whistledown. I digress Miss Alexis but I should think you’ll be rather fond of Miss Elizabeth” a small smile offered as he passes her the book carefully, fingers almost brush causing his cheeks to flush instantly, “I do hope you enjoy it, how did you find last week’s offering? Favourable?” he wonders, he loves hearing he thoughts and opinions on the books they read, their own private book club, unknown to the rest of the world.
SHE COULDN’T HELP HERSELF, not when it came to fezco o’neil it seems. the buzz of excitement she feels when she knows thursday has finally come around again. packing everything she needs for the visit to the bookstore, bringing some extra cake with her, tucked safely in her bag. she makes her way across the city in her carriage, the deal with the drivers and her maids to keep it quiet. she knows that she shouldn’t be going here alone, especially not as a single young woman... but she longs for their talks together. lets herself imagine what a life with fezco would be like. he is a good man, one that lexi would feel lucky to be courted by but she knows that isn’t the case. she is from a different, upper class. it would be frowned upon, however she can’t help herself thinking such things after their visits.
the reality is that she is expected to marry into a family of her own class, one that can provide for her and pay off her father. it has never been lexi’s dream to do that; she loves to read, learn and explore what the world has to offer. men like to stop that, make sure that women know their ‘place’ as mothers or wives. the thought of her ever approaching season leaves a sickness in her stomach. however, she can push it aside for her time with fezco for now. all thoughts of her future on pause as she sits across from the handsome man, a bright smile gracing her features as he hands over a book. “oh, i’m so looking forward to reading this! i can’t thank you enough.” she exclaims as she carefully takes the book in her hands, running her fingers over the cover before laughing. “i’d love to know who she is. lady whistledown? not so much. ” head shaking as she remembers vile words the letters contain about her family, especially regarding cassandra.
hands falling in her lap as she listens intently to him, thinking about how simple it is to be here with him. “i will be sure to tell you my every thought next week, mr o’neil.” it is a promise, how she plans to return every week when she can. so far, she has been lucky to slip out of the house unnoticed. she was always the daughter her parents didn’t notice as much. “i believe i’ll enjoy any book you offer me.” cheeks tinting a pretty pink colour as she reaches for the copy of ‘the swiss family robinson’ and the cake she managed to sneak out, placing it down between them as an offering. “it was such a pleasant read! a break from all the tragedies or romance we are so used to. makes me wonder what is out in the world. wouldn’t it be splendid to know that? travel to parts we’ve never seen before?” eyes widening with excitement at the mere thought of an adventure.
― Billy-Ray Belcourt, A History of My Brief Body
[text ID: To love someone is firstly to confess: I’m prepared to be devastated by you.]
@invisiblehoward // lexi
