things we perhaps should not voice

a vent blog. feel free to gently remind me if i need to tag something for you. take care of yourself, okay?

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things are getting better, it seems

but then why am i stuck in this cycle of anxiety

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i guess i’ll just love you as best i can in the circumstances

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i’m scared. what if every time i say i love you i mean it wholeheartedly?

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with how tight and strange my chest felt the last time i said it

i think i do

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i’m sorry that i’m not him

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i want to throw up until i stop existing

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i think that i would want to die as an accident, because i could never consciously kill myself, but i think i could subconsciously give up

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i’m the toxic person in people’s lives but i can’t stop and i can’t separate myself and i know if i try to get help it won’t work

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you keep saying i’ll find someone but i don’t think that’s true

because i’ve already found someone and it’s not meant to be

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been crying myself to sleep over the weekend. everyone is doing badly, i feel alone and isolated, my problems aren’t even as bad. one friend is mourning a lost life, another has had to part with a precious life, another’s life is spiralling downward again because it’s being taken for granted.

my problems are nothing and yet i still feel sad and alone and like i’m making all their problems worse by virtue of existing.

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why do i bother? why try? nothing matters, no one cares, no one wants me around

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do you ever get so lonely and depressed that you feel physically sick

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a break from the vent posts:

sorry to everyone sending ims that i don’t respond

i do read them, i do appreciate them, i’m just riddled with anxiety and don’t know how to talk to people, especially when my opening is this blog

this is like my worst look and i don’t want to build any connections from this introduction

i hope you can understand

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i may have to come to terms with the idea that there is only ever enough room in my entire heart for one person total

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i don’t even want to exist

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i’m sorry that you don’t consider me a friend

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my life is completely pointless

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hit that like button if you feel like you’re constantly getting it wrong