My Sudden Adoration @ioqayin-personal - Tumblr Blog

i don't really want to weight in on the "using big words in your writing is ableist" discourse happening on tiktok because i'm like 90% certain it's an anti-intellectual psyop to stir up drama in online circles to promote the use of ai to summarize literally everything and thus feeding the LLMs and lowering the populace's mistrust of such tools but i also have to say: dictionaries and thesauruses are the most accessible they've ever been. if you use an e-reader of any kind you can look up a word without leaving the page. there's a plethora of online dictionaries and if you just type a word + "meaning" into google it'll usually give you a definition. we used to have pocket dictionaries we used when reading in class. i have two on my shelf right now that i used in high school. stop letting the fascists purposefully misuse anti-ableism rhetoric to trick you into never thinking again.

Basically just had it confirmed that the reason the situtationship stopped interacting with me as heavily in favor for another guy is become he couldn't handle my big emotions.

My emotions are a tsunami. I know that. I've lived with them all my life.

People have no idea how much I hold back. They don't know much the tsunami isn't the absolute world-ending flood it could be. I have worked so hard to keep my emotions down and calm. It was worse when I was younger, and the person i exist as now has been carefully cultivated to be palatable. I don't always get it right: I can't always predict what people want from me. It's a puzzle. I'm an alien.

People want an emotionally dead person. They want someone who doesn't react, who is nothing. I think they call it "calm". I don't know what that is. I've never been calm a moment in my life.

It could be so much worse. I could be substance dependent like my dad, or completely emotionally numb like my mother. I'm too afraid of the former, and I don't know how to be the latter.

No one can deal with this. I'm too much. And because I'm too much, I'm a disappointment.

I'm just in the middle.

How boring.

35. Boring at 35. The worst fate.

haremask

opuscula magica

3liza

do you live in seattle (the american city)?

yes

no

Voting ended onJul 10

please reblog to get this poll out of my bubble, i want reach

3liza

so ive been meaning to do this poll for a while because my hypothesis is that seattle is the most Tumblr city, likely in the entire world. tumblr has a huge american majority userbase obviously, but just for comparison going forward, only 0.22% of the american population lives in seattle. as of this reblog, this poll is showing 4% of respondents are seattleites. given, this isnt scientific at all, because my blog just has a lot of seattle connections and seattle followers, but it's still an impressive bias

tiredadventurer

polarity-disturbed

Vic is never actually trying to win Game Changer.

Vic is playing an entirely different game that happens to be taking place on the same set.

The rules are known only to Vic. The victory conditions are known only to Vic. Half the time I'm not convinced Vic knows them until midway through the episode.

Everyone else is trying to figure out the game Sam has designed.

Vic is trying to discover what happens if you introduce a completely different game into the room.

militantpragmatist

Some cast members play to win. Some play to be funny. Some play to survive. Some play to antagonize Sam. Vic is not playing Sam’s game, nor are they playing their own game. The universe plays a game with itself and that game is named Vic.

Vic may briefly know the path, and only for a glittering moment. but Vic is always walking the path.

The Vic that can be put into words is not the true Vic.

I'm either too much or not enough.

I wish I could be chill. I've done so much work to be relaxed and calm. But it still isn't enough. My emotions are a tidal wave, and they kill any relationship I've ever been in.

I can't tell when I look down the future road if the lonliness I see is reality, or a projection of how I feel right now. I just don't seem to be enough for people: intelligence, wealth, stability. And at the same time, I'm too much: too many rehearsals, too focused on witchcraft, too focused on music, too many emotions.

I feel like an alien. I feel like there is a sheet of glass between myself and everyone else. I can't understand them, and they don't understand me. We just stare at each other confused through the glass.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what would make me happy. I always say: liberty. Let me be a leaf flying in the wind. I want to run in fields on mountains and be free of this well of grief that is always at the core of everything I do. This deep crack in me.

I have plans to move to the UK. I know it's not going to solve my problems, but at least I won't be here. I don't want to die in the States. I don't want to die knowing I didn't at least try to make my dreams come true.

I just want to be free.

I often feel this deep crushing lonliness. I've felt it all my life. The older I get the heavier and tighter it becomes. It feels like iron bands around my chest: crushing, tightening, fixated on collapsing my heart.

I get so focused while I'm working on a project, and when I finally come up for air...no one is there. They've all forgotten about me and left. I dread the summer because everyone is off enjoying parties and having fun, and I have to reintroduce myself all over again.

That's why I can't wait for Fall. In the Fall, theatre work starts again, and I can dive in and forget. I become other people, and I don't have to be This.

This lonely, forgotten man reading in the corner of a busy bar.

#prose #midnight thoughts #lonely #emo #can not let go of my roots

Bit of a personal post today.

I've been training as a vocalist since I was 20, and it never seems to get easier. I just can't seem to figure out the correct coordination to sing the way I want to sing. At 35, I shudder to think how much money I've spent on lessons and schooling to get to where I am, which isn't very much. When I was in school, I was told by my teachers that I had a mediocre voice, and I would never become a principal singer. I've been told after auditions that I'm simply not loud enough to be heard over orchestras, and regulated to the chorus....where I'm told not to sing too loud. After a while of being told you're not loud enough, and you're a mediocre singer, you start to believe it.

And at this point, I just don't know what to do. Singing is not easeful or fun when I'm constantly struggling. I love being on stage, but I feel like such an amateur.

I don't have a regular teacher anymore because I don't make enough money for one. I wish I had someone to talk to, who could help guide me. I made so many mistakes with my training in my 20 because of my own arrogance. I just don't know what to do anymore.

#opera #voice #tenor #singing #vocalist

neanderthyall

I would like to congratulate greta thunberg on being the only funny person on twitter

mysharona1987

o-blivia

If you're wondering why there's so much resistance to the idea of a 4-day work week, or why automation hasn't actually led to people working less like it was supposed to...

a-rookie-at-life

Please if you have a chance, report this GoFundMe!

Here’s the Report Fundraiser link: https://www.gofundme.com/contact/suggest/fraud

And here’s the ICE agent’s GoFundMe which you’ll need to copy and paste into the report: https://www.gofundme.com/f/ice-offuver-jonathan-ross

hi-im-dazey

I think lot of people are reporting it so take a minute to verify it was recieved by checking your email for a "thank you for reporting" e-mail, BEFORE you navigate away from the reporting page, if you got no resolution after hitting submit.