Eternaly finding new ways to be let down by doctors @iradeum - Tumblr Blog

love when a mother asks if they have ever done anything to hurt you. ma'am, you will literally never be ready to have this conversation

tethered-heartstrings

what therapy do you think we can afford. what truths do you think you can survive

tethered-heartstrings

everyone clearly has a super normal relationship with their mother

#there is a day of forgiveness in my culture #and my mother used to ask for mine every year #which I thought was super neat #then we got into a fight over how she mistreated me #day of forgiveness comes #she does not bring it up #any attempt at bringing up the past is me not letting go #and I mean sure but mb it'd be easier to let go if you'd stop doing the exact same things #just saying #p

annabelle--cane

weird phenomenon where a writer is generally good enough that they don't just phone it in on any major characters but they also have a lot of unexamined prejudices (particularly racism and misogyny) so they do end up write interesting, multifaceted female and of color characters but just. fumble them in strange and unusual ways. like they've done the legwork to write someone fun and layered but care a lot less about them than others and clearly don't expect any audience members to really be pulling for them. it's difficult to explain but it's such a distinct flavor of Problem.

#Liane Moriarty is this For Me #I read like 5 of her books bc I was convinced that there is no way a person with such a layered understanding of women would be so.#misogynistic #bc her first book I read genuinely changed me #but no she just genuinely gets 90% of the way and then goes #but the guy :) is Trying :) and that's what matters :)#after a whole book of the guy. decidedly not trying #it's so frustrating #p

Wow I am in so much pain

#disability #chronic pain #I got a week of relatively reduced pain #which is now back with a vengeance #and I am legitimately wondering how I've even managed to function for so long with it #p #ira thoughts

animentality

bobcatmoran

I absolutely blame Facebook for this shift. Words cannot describe how freaking WEIRD it was in the mid-00s when there was suddenly this popular website where you were required to use your real, brickspace name and encouraged to post photos of yourself. Every single bit of Standard Internet Safety prior to then said that you should never ever ever do either of those.

#living in Germany has been really weird the last couple of years #bc Germans on average were really good about this!#as annoying as it was to get #a friend request from someone with a cat as a profile picture & some weird combination of letters as a name #that you had to then use to figure out who tf this is based on #it was good for privacy! people actually cared!#and now I hear people talking about their chatgpt usage #and uh mb those aren't things you should be telling the Internet #esp not in such a centralized way #why are you acting like chatgpt is your bestie you can tell anything #+ the push for digitalization including a demand for having ones medical files just. online?#and accessible by doctors??#I do informatics I do not trust my colleagues #there are very invested ppl who really care about cyber security #and those are not necessarily the salaried ppl hired to ensure it #p

ikusabamukuro

saw a fun outfit and thought of my girl Bazett <3

fforsythiaaa

Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as “problematic” in class and our professor was like, “That’s cool, but ‘problematic’ doesn’t really mean anything. It means that the thing you’re describing has a problem, and in and of itself that’s not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else it’s not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like you’re trying to say that this is bad, but you don’t want to say ‘bad.’ Is that right?”

So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”

Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.

Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I can’t help but think of this professor being like, “Good starting point, now let’s get specific.” I think when we have to commit to saying “that’s ___” it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever we’re claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes it’s art, and it should be full of problems, because that’s what art is.

#Iradeum. Ive noticed you keep saying sth was 'good' or 'bad'. The students dont care if you find something good or ba #theyre here for concrete feedback on the pros and cons of their communication styles #i was working as a communication tutor back in the day #and we had a feedback meeting with our boss at the end of every workday #and one day she went #and that felt very unpleasant to hear in the moment #but it changed my life #so now instead of saying sth is good/bad i try to instead go for what makes me think its good/bad #like “the language you used made it easier for the other person to understand you” or “you came across really disinterested to me”#and it genuinely improves communication both bc its much more concrete & bc people feel way more seen #turns out: most people really dont care about what i find good or bad #but they are starved for well-meaning concrete feedback #p

wow I really can't be doing okay for 3 days in a row huh

#my health insurance just decided I'm not all that disabled #like the government & med professionals around me all agree I'm severely disabled #but the health insurance would actually have to dish out money #so I'm fine :) perfectly fine :)#and like rationally I know they just. do this all the time #so that they can scare off as many people as possible #I've been told over and over again I would have to sue #but like today I opened my mailbox to find that letter and one saying my rent payment bounced bc I didn't have enough money in my account #for the super cheap flat I will also lose in a couple of months #and I keep asking myself why I'm even trying #p #ira thoughts

anistarrose

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

brainrockets

Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!

#also useful PSA for adults #there are certain grains that make my mouth itch and I thought it's just bc they're usually not as processed as like. wheat #so they just mechanically irritate me #nope turns out I'm allergic #your mouth shouldn't itch when you eat kids #p

bleedthebeat

“supporting neil gaiman isn’t as bad as supporting jk rowling because he isn’t using his money to hurt trans people and he doesn’t seem bigoted!” is a real take i’ve seen and i am going to blow a gasket. “he doesn’t seem bigoted” He raped and trafficked women. Paying for his works and engaging in fandom for them is giving him money and good publicity that he uses to curry good favor with the masses and silence his victims in ongoing legal battles. You are enabling a rapist and abuser.

bleedthebeat

just because he is not funding legislature to harm victims of sexual assault and trafficking en masse does not mean that there is no one harmed by him gaining publicity and money. show some compassion to the women he has hurt and disengage with his works. “just pirating” and “just writing/reading fanfic” is still engaging, especially if you are posting publicly about them. move on.

#i am not a legal expert #but most courts work on precedents #aka Gaiman suing his victims/fighting them in court IS hurting all future victims of sexual assault rape and trafficking #both in the public eye by normalizing them and in court by creating those precedents #just bc it's a lot more personal for him doesn't make it better #p #ira thoughts

there really is something about being perceived as a woman on the verge of tears that makes guys want to hit on you huh

#I am neither of those things too #just pre t and with very active allergies rn #just got hit on by 2 different guys in the span of 10 minutes #I hate it here #esp how difficult it is to ignore the perceived vulnerability aspect #and also bc I just really don't feel safe being hit on in the best of cases #p #ira thoughts

baguantte

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!! so to celebrate i drew things the gx cast fumbling what not to say during a coming out!! my goofuses deserve the world...

Ive often seen discussions on how people have more of an issue with being called a homophobe/ableist/etc than with actually doing sth homophobic/ableist/etc

Increasingly, I'm noticing this being true about believing victims, especially in leftist/left-leaning circles.

Believing victims is the right thing to do, so people assume that they do it bc they are good people who do right things. But then the moment it gets personal and the accused abuser is someone they like/sympathize with, they come with "I believe victims, but ..."

And this isn't to say that 100.00% of SA allegations are true, but most of them definitely are, and the reasons people give for their doubt are certainly... Revealing.

If having several women accuse someone of rape, in their own words, is something you struggle to believe bc the newscast that platformed them didn't do it well, that's on you. Most victims deciding whether to open up about their abuse do not know if anyone else will even support their story.

If a child taking back their accusations against an incredibly famous person is enough for you to doubt them in perpetuity, that's also on you. The amount of pressure in such a situation is so immense, you cannot be surprised at people being inconsistent, esp when they are literal children.

If the accused saying "they've wanted to sleep with me for ages" about their victim is enough for you to disregard the accusations, that's also on you. Interest is not and can never be consent.

You don't believe victims if you only believe perfect ones, and you don't believe victims if you only believe accusations against people you dislike. Read up on coercive control, read up on abuse and how it affects behavior before you describe yourself that way again.

And at the very least, if you are going to claim you believe victims, please remember that whichever victim you are talking about at the moment can read your post and watch your video and act accordingly.

#as usual: trying to stick to examples that also apply to me #this is also true about racism but it's not my place to bring that up #tw rape #tw sa #our whole society is so anti-victim that believing victims is just. genuine work #being abused makes one less palpable to most and then that behavior is used to excuse not seeing them as a victim #and I do understand that and standing on the right side is difficult but it's also so fucking important #and it does very much start with asking yourself where your biases are and where you have been unfair and even damaging #if you're afraid to admit you've caused harm you can't really get better bc you'll just keep repeating the same patterns #p #ira thoughts

mxjackparker

Got jumpscared today by a mutual posting with the claim that Michael Jackson was innocent. He was such an obvious case with multiple victims that frankly I don't trust you not to defend any abuser who denies the harm they've done if you're posting in his defense.

If you're insisting that the men speaking up aren't really victims, think about what unfathomably high standards you have set for children who are sexually abused to recognize grooming and speak up clearly and consistently in the face of overwhelming stigma and disbelief. When you complain that they denied it at first, you're blaming kids for being successfully groomed.

#I hate how much people are trying to bury what he did #to profit off of his image/fame #I've seen the argument of how he's dead anyway so he's not going to benefit from it #and I beg you all to remember his victims are very much alive #and can see that the abuse they experienced just doesn't matter to those people #p

porcelain-dollbones

the "empathy fatigue" stuff is also very revealing because when you examine health professionals' self-reporting on the matter there is a specific type of person they describe losing empathy for- unsurprisingly, it's people with particularly chronic health issues and disability, drug users, people who "refuse to take care of themselves" and especially anyone with a health condition perceived to be "their own fault". very often what they describe as "empathy fatigue" is actually just the mask slipping on the seething contempt they already held

porcelain-dollbones

oh, during burnout you happen to feel less empathetic toward criminals, alcoholics, teens and drug users? that's really interesting and i feel so sorry for how hard your job must be that its caused these feelings in you.

#I don't know what things are like in other countries #but in both of the countries I've lived in medicine is this extremely high-end degree #literally some people in Germany go for it bc “well I have a high GPA what else am I supposed to do with it”#(this is even more common w psychology here)#but like. contrary to popular belief having a high GPA =/= being smart #(whatever “being smart” even means)#when you gather up a bunch of people with only the highest gpas you also end up with people who are on average way less marginalized #than the overall average #easier to get better grades when you have access to expensive extracurricular support #but also when you don't have to worry about how your family is going to eat tomorrow #or deal with managing your disability or navigating life as a marginalized person #and the thing is. you get a bunch of people that are more privileged than most #and then you have them mostly hang out with each other #while constantly reinforcing how important and intelligent and necessary they are #and you end up with people that cannot and do not want to connect with people that are more marginalized #like the more you acknowledge that a drug user is not a bad person #the more you have to stand against your colleagues #the more you kind of have to confront that you aren't elite bc of your hard work and effort #but bc you got lucky (and sure also put in a lot of hard work. but your luck made it possible to have the energy and time for that)#and who wants to do that?#p

pangur-and-grim

I think some of the loneliness of autism is that you feel like you hurt people just by Interacting Wrong, but you don’t know how to Interact Right, and the more effort you put into it, the more exhausted you are and the more artificial it comes across (with the end result of people still being upset with you). and it’s not anyone’s fault for not liking Being Interacted With Wrong, and it’s not your fault for doing it so wrong, but it is very, very lonely.

iradeum

In my experience, part of the issue is that just Doing Things Differently will be interpreted as wrong by some people.

For example, when I talk to a friend about sth I did for them, some will take this as a guilt-trip/a demand for sth in the future. I get that and I've been on the receiving end of it as well.

I do however think it's really great to be open about the things you do for your friends, so they can see the effort you put in, so often I just preface the statements with "not meant as pressure, I was happy to do ..." Or "I'm not expecting anything in return, I just wanted us to be on the same page" or sth along those lines.

People do sometimes correct me/make fun of that and inform me it's a weird way to speak. And when I was younger and less experienced, that used to make me fold up and change what I do bc I didnt want to be any weirder than I already was anyway.

But nowadays, I recognize that words are a communication tool. If it's someone I think is generally open, I'll explain my reasoning (many then agree with me! Bc this generally is a problem they also face!), if I think someone is just trying to bully me, I'll tell them "well, this works for me, good to know it doesn't for you" and leave it at that.

Importantly, I'm increasingly able to accept that I don't Interact Wrong, I Interact Different & that I can bridge the gap between my way & other ways if both sides are good-willed enough.

#actually audhd #not saying this will work for everyone #but I've had enough ppl recently trying to leverage their relative normality #to my weirdness #to act as if their communication styles are “the right ones”#that I really needed to point out that as someone with autism you're probably so used to being “in the wrong”#that you'll accept fault that isnt actually yours #people will correct you maliciously and/or wrongly #being autistic doesn't mean everyone else knows better #good luck expanding what's Interacting Right :)#p #ira thoughts

apatheticfluorescence

some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it

headspace-hotel

Shakespeare is like this

insufferablepirate

Every time I see a Van Gogh that’s not one of his better known pieces it absolutely blows me away

Have you seen this shit my liege? smh unreal

sepdet

There's a van Gogh of an old pair of shoes in the Met. It's not a big painting and it doesn't have his usual vibrant colors, but every time I see it I just love it to death.

Photos taken with my shitty iPhone to try and capture the brushstrokes:

The Met website's version which I assume is color accurate (although I feel like it was a little cooler? It's so hard to tell, between different lighting and camera sensors):

Once I understood that he started in pen and ink, and he was figuuring out how to adapt ink's techniques of hatching, stippling, and linework for brushwork in paint, I saw all his art in a new way.

And then he was working out how to use specific colors and complementary color combinations to evoke different moods/emotions.

At first glance, it looks loose, impulsive. But as the saying goes, there is method in his madness.

You were brilliant, Vincent.