to exist in harmony is to be at an equilibrium, and to be in equilibrium is to invoke chaos.
⥽ • zedir. they/them. 18.
call me z! and come talk to me about whatever, whenever you'd like! i'd love to be a safe space for everyone ♡
masterlist. <- my works!
{ requests } - open!
GENSHIN IMPACT, jujutsu kaisen, tears of themis, honkai star rail, haikyuu!!, moriarty the patriot, mairimashita iruma-kun!, bungou stray dogs, dr. stone
no nsfw. also, stealing/copying/reposting without permission is not okay.
{ tags } -
#⥽ • z can speak - txt posts; gen
#⥽ • rbz - reblogs
#⥽ • chaos and chasms - writing
#⥽ • games and such - mini games, tag games, ask games, etc.
from z; i haven’t even touched genshin since fontaine why am i writing for this loser
when one is out and about in the big wide world, one must wear many, many masks. these masks hide their imperfections and flaws, to some degree, and make them a generally agreeable person to get along with.
however, wearing a mask all day is very tiring. there was so much etiquette to keep track of, so many mundane laws when it came to interacting with people, so many rules you later realised you hadn’t followed, that by the end of the day you were completely burnt and felt like the whole world judged you with their eyes.
maybe you shouldn’t have said anything at the dinner table? maybe you shouldn’t have laughed that one moment? maybe you shouldn’t have sipped on that cup of water? what if you told the wrong things to the wrong people? what if you were too loud? too forward? too comfortable?
one still feels the effect of the masks, even after taking them off. your insides feel weird and squirmy, like there’s something trapped in that needed to get out. you find yourself doubting your integrity as a person; for what was the point of walking on eggshells every minute of the day when you couldn’t even pretend to be a decent person?
who were you, if the only person you could truly relax around was yourself?
“it appears as though someone is spiralling into existential dread.”
lyney leaned against the doorframe, raising his eyebrows at your figure sprawled face down like a starfish on your bed. you blinked, and he’d somehow spawned right next to you, and was now fiddling with the hem of your shirt.
“i talked to five people today. that’s five too many.”
“and now you’re relaying everything you said to them in your head, worrying over things they probably forgot about?”
“hey!” you threw a pillow at his face, but he swiftly caught it in his arms, laughing.
safe. you felt safe. his eyes did not reek of venom like a fanged snake, his voice had no hidden intentions. you did not feel like you needed a mask around him, because never once had he made you feel judged.
and for the first time that day you felt human, like a breath of fresh air in a gentle breeze.
“i can’t have you zoning out in the middle of a performance, can i?” lyney snapped his fingers, focusing your sight onto him, and you saw the pillow filled with endless feathers of worry had turned into a fresh rose.
i like to headcanon that the akasha turned into a type of cell phone/mobile device (calling, messaging, etc.) for people in sumeru after it was shut down from its original purpose.
kaveh would call alhaitham all the time, not once considering if he was busy with work or otherwise. but no matter what, even if he was busy, alhaitham would always pick up.
it was always over mundane things:
"alhaitham, did you take my keys again!?"
"alhaitham, you left your lunch at home - can i bring it to you?"
"alhaitham, could you pick up some groceries on your way home? there's a dish i want to make tonight but we're almost out of rice."
"alhaitham, i saw this cat on the street that looked just like you, it even hissed and scratched me!"
every time, alhaitham smiled. his coworkers stared at him in confusion every time he suddenly took a call in the middle of a meeting, and they were even more puzzled by the fact that the acting grand sage was smiling. alhaitham rarely ever showed expressions other than boredom or annoyance. to say it came as a shock that he was grinning like an idiot every time his akasha terminal beeped with a call was an understatement.
the terminals were also useful for safety. people could mark their close friends and family as emergency relatives, that way if something ever happened, responders would know who to contact.
alhaitham and kaveh were each other's only emergency contacts.
when kaveh fell off some scaffolding while visiting a site and injured his leg, alhaitham was the first and only one to get the alert that made him rush towards the bimarstan.
before alhaitham arrived, the nurse asked him, "do you have any other relatives you'd like us to contact?"
ok SO ik i disappeared BUT it turns out uni is very fun but also extremely exhausting
anyways!!!! i somehow managed to get absolutely obsessed with aladdin i really don’t know how that happened but now the only thing that’s in my head is a whole new world and it’s a problem and idk what to do about it and now you guys get to witness my descent to madness yay :D
there’s something about exploring the unknown in a state of absolute wonder and awe that’s just so magical to me. but also when you’re with someone else who is almost just as much of a variable, because you don’t know what the future holds but at that moment it doesn’t matter because you’ve already abandoned all your rationale so frick it! what’s some more!
there’s something about experiencing something for the first time when all your life it’s only ever been something you’ve dreamed of, and it doesn’t feel real because in all reality it shouldn’t be real, but here you were, in the flesh, very much alive and kicking.
there’s something about looking into someone’s eyes and seeing the whole world in them, but you’re also scared because you’ve never seen the world before??? so what if you’re wrong and naive and fall and die and it’s all a trap but oh those eyes are so beautiful and you want to trust them so much and
there’s something about feeling so many emotions at once that time doesn’t even feel real anymore, and your heart yearns for happiness and melancholy and excitement and madness and nostalgia and bitterness and so many things you’ve never felt before, all at once.
there’s something about the way your heart feels so light, almost like it’s floating in the air, ready to jump out any moment. and you’re so, so giddy, but it’s the best you’ve ever felt all your life, because trusting a person is the biggest risk you’ve ever had to take.
idk man disney movies always hit me in the feels and i am defenceless and weak in the knees. i have been punched in the gut so metaphorically it feels literal and i WILL wake up at twelve am to sob about this but AH. i’m feeling giddy for experiences i’ve never had and i both love and hate it .
. . in which WILLIAM JAMES MORIARTY has a bit of an existential crisis
⥽ ~0.3k words. ⥼
from z; ANON IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE SJDKDKJKJ i hope u still see this!!
is this in character?? idk if it is. i only got into mtp very recently so i don't have a clear characterization of anyone yet, especially william, to me he's so hard to read. so this was mostly an experiment on my part! i hope it's okay!
to join; send me an emoji + a word + a character!
eternal meant forever, and forever was a very fickle thing to define.
the plans he made were for a forever, but how long would that forever last after he was gone?
human nature was volatile, and unchanging. every nobleman to touch the soil could be killed by his own hands, but in the distant future, they could very well emerge again.
such things were out of his control, and as was the nature of the world- filled with variables, eternally changing.
but he was not one to succumb to such excuses. he was not one to act upon a plan that was not thoroughly worked out.
today, the sky is a midnight blue.
he could see the stars, lots of them, in galaxies and universes of their own, swirling above his head beyond the clouds.
tomorrow, those stars would still be there, as well as the day after that, and the many decades to follow.
no matter what became of the earth, they would still be there, watching as his world either flourished, or burnt itself to shambles. locked in their seats to bear witness to the lives of humans, as if they were spectators to a play.
but wait, that didn't sound right either- for the stars probably couldn't care less about the earth, and the earth wasn't the center of the stars.
william did not feel insignificant, though. the grand scheme of the universe was the least of his concerns.
when faced by injustice, one must seek to balance out the scales. an eye for an eye. a soul for a soul.
as long as his plan for the world came to be, that was quite enough for him.
what a bout of thinking. i might just pass out right here.
ok idk who reblogged the hkv analysis last night when i was asleep but waking up to 99+ notifs and a bunch of comments was probably one of the BEST feelings ive had all week
ik im late but im playing through kaveh's hangout event and. the haikaveh brainrot is real
since these losers can't do it themselves i am here to offer my translation services ‼️
al haitham you liar. we are in a library using our indoor voices you did NOT hear us.
and even if you did mr. "i hate small talk" why'd u walk over hmm?? hmm??
"dont mind if i ignore you, i've got my earphones in" <- applies to everyone except kaveh
"okay now that i've gotten him distracted tell me what's wrong so i can discreetly fix it"
mans literally sent kaveh away to boost his confidence a bit + find out if he was okay.
"you annoted those books with such long and beautiful notes that eveyone hated lolol anyways check out those shelfs where there's a book with someone appreciating ur notes"
i can't get over how many exceptions al haitham makes for kaveh. he's not heartless and cruel in the way i often see him portrayed... but at the same time his entire demeanor is "i respect you as a person but won't go out of my way to do things for you unless it benefits me"
like he's one of the only characters who isn't super super close with the traveler, at least that's how i see it in the voicelines! he respects them as a friend, would consider doing things for them if they asked, but that's about it really!
but KAVEH. for someone who enjoys a peaceful life and has such a rational and efficient way of working it theoretically makes no sense for him to do all the things he does for kaveh.
like sure "maybe the cheering up kaveh is just to avoid having to deal with him drunk later", but that's too roundabout of a demeanor to be al haitham's style. plus, if he really didn't want to deal with a drunk kaveh, he could just kick him out.
but he doesn't because he cares, and kaveh does not understand that because he has created a vision of what he thinks al haitham is in his head, and in that vision he, kaveh, has no value so why would haitham have him around?? clearly he's got ulterior motives.
and they won't move further until kaveh lets go of that vision, and he can only do that if he truly realises his own worth, and until then haitham's gonna have to keep pushing him towards that from the shadows.
"he overworks himself, it's not healthy. he forgets the practicality of his ideals when he starts something, thinking he can pull through it, but reality hits him halfway. he can keep his ideals, that's fine, but i wish he was a bit more realistic about them."
"and despite all of the above, despite wanting to uphold his artistic integrity, he still puts everyone's needs before his own."
"his approach is too contradictory, and hence people don't see his talent. there are those who's resolve is so brash they are seen as confident and unshakable; and yet he who is more talented than them all falls behind because he's so easy to take advantage of."
al haitham taught me two new words today lol
irascible - someone with a quick temper
paragon - something viewed as a standard
"if he wants things to change he needs to find a balance between compromise and resolve. there is no way to please everyone, but instead of accepting this, he thinks he can nullify it if he takes all the burden instead."
kaveh's altruism stems from his own self-hatred, moreso than his desire to help others. and while doing a good deed puts a smile on his face, the melancholy guilt that trips him when he doesn't is far greater.
"if they are his ideals then i have no right to say anything about them. but he hurts himself so much as a result of that and i wish he would love himself a bit more."
al haitham has a great deal of respect for kaveh, not just as a scholar but as a person. and it's hard watching someone like that dig their own grave, and there's nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines, because they won't believe anything you say.
al haitham is constantly bickering with kaveh to get him to feel a little, challenge his ideals, find a way to make them work without sacrificing himself in return.
"at this poing talking to him is no use, he's convinced himself that his life only has purpose if it's in the hands of others. all people face hardships in life, but he seems to believe he deserves all he gets and more"
and then after kaveh is back he gives him space to talk about things that make him happy, and more importantly, appreciate himself.
how to tell kaveh i want to listen to his silly lil rants without sounding like a sap - al haitham's brain, probably
al haitham knowing all of kaveh's little buttons, and pressing the right ones after determining his mood, so he can show kaveh he loves him but still sound like a bitch.
"you did so well. i am so proud, and i hope you are proud of yourself too."
and sometimes he does click the wrong one, but then immediately goes back on it, becomes soft(er than usual), offers reassurance, changes the topic, and so on
we saw this in the parade of providence event, when kaveh got legitimately upset at one of haitham's remarks and he immediately went into I HAVE UPSET MY BF recovery mode.
and what i love the most in all this is KAVEH'S DUMBASS IS SO OBLIVIOUS TO THIS LMAOOO
but also it's sad because the reason he's oblivious is because he doesn't think he's worth being cared for like that.
haikaveh's whole vibe is "i love you, but i'd much rather you love yourself first" and "i'm your one and only, your only exception, the one you'd break all your rules for" and i love it.
Anyway shout out to the guy at the salon from over 3 yrs ago who was clearly distressed that I wanted my barely shoulder length hair to be cut even shorter, became even more distressed when I showed him a reference photo (of me from months prior), kept on trying to very nicely say that I looked like a guy in that photo - until I told him 'yeah ik that's the point' and you could see the light go on in his head and then he cheerfully but firmly said (roughly translated) 'I don't understand your lifestyle but I understand what you want, i'm here on mondays & fridays and i'll cut your hair however you want no questions asked' and then proceeded to complain about how his mother was trying to arrange a marraige for him
Of course then covid happened and later it became too expensive to justify getting your hair professionally cut but each time I do need to get it cut again I think of him
for more context: if you're not a cis man and live in a conservative country you probably know how hard it is to get hairdressers to cut your hair as short as you want, how much a struggle each appointment is because they will not listen to you - if you're not a man and you want a very short haircut you need very obviously feminine features/characteristics to back it up to show that 'yes I am actually a cis woman' and they'll give you a short haircut that emphasises those features. But if the haircut will actually make people mistake you for a man/make you androgynous then you'll have to fight for your life to get it
so the fact that once this guy clocked me his immediate response was 'i got u bro' was very validating
also the fact that his initial reluctance seemed to be stemming from a place of 'girl?? doesn't seem to know she straight up looks like a man in the photo?? should i tell her??' was hilarious
- hope you're doing well bro, hope the marraige thing worked out for you <3
