“Perhaps our deepest love is already inscribed within us, so its object doesn't create a new word but instead allows us to read the one written.”
— Anthony Marra, from A Constellation of Vital Phenomena (Hogarth, 2013)
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“Perhaps our deepest love is already inscribed within us, so its object doesn't create a new word but instead allows us to read the one written.”
— Anthony Marra, from A Constellation of Vital Phenomena (Hogarth, 2013)
“I remember the hair that stuck to your lips, I taste your lips with the hair on my tongue, I whistle alone when the light is dim, [. . .] the common bonds, the morning rays, the salty skin, the story I tell of the story we made, September, October, November…”
— Aaron Shurin, from “The Story I Tell,” Poetry (June 2025)
“Tact, like empathy, is based on a certain form of mutual understanding. But while empathy implies the idea of entering someone else’s mind inasmuch as it is linked to the presumption that ‘I know how you feel’, tact exists to create a form of bonding between individuals that is not based on the idea of intrusion but, conversely, on the respect for existing boundaries, and on a willingness not always to assume that one knows. While empathy requires resonance and proximity, tact is there to restore distance, and to accept the difference between the individuals involved in order to protect and preserve their dignity. Tact is based on an attention towards otherness.”
— Katja Haustein, “How to Be Alone with Others: Plessner, Adorno, and Barthes on Tact” (via mehreenkasana)
It is of the nature of idea to be communicated: written, spoken, done. The idea is like grass. It craves light, likes crowds, thrives on crossbreeding, grows better for being stepped on.
— Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed: A Novel (Harper, November 19 2024)
Baba's domain 🐈 Collab with @ceeejus 🌟
Level 1: The text supports a transgender reading of the protagonist.
Level 2: The text supports a transgender reading of the author.
Level 3: The text supports a transgender reading of the reader.
The concept that married people live longer is interesting. I'm sure there is some merit to the idea that if you're married there is someone there to nag you about going to the doctor, but I think much larger factors are having the finances of dual incomes and access to an immediate support person.
Surgeries require having a designated person to look after you. Many injuries require driving to somewhere like an emergency room which can be hard to do if you are the one injured. If you're home with the flu, it's hard to tell when it's bad enough to go to the hospital without another person checking on you. And if you pass out it requires another person to find you like that to get medical aid.
You can prop it up as the benefits of marriage, but I think there's a much deeper discussion to be had about how we've built society around marriage as an inevitable conclusion and neglected to build support systems that function outside of romantic pairings.
I was a late bloomer. But anyone who blooms at all, ever, is very lucky.
— Sharon Olds, Stag’s Leap. (Alfred A. Knopf, 2013) (via Regina Rosenfeld)
infinity
Recovering from autistic burnout as a high-masking adult:
To recover, you literally need to manually learn skills that most people learn as a toddler
You need to learn what makes your body uncomfortable, and what to do to fix it
If you are high-masking, that usually means that you have learned to ignore every distress signal your body sends unless it is a distress signal that a neurotypical person would recognize. People have likely been unintentionally gaslighting you about your lived experience your entire life
If you feel bad or panicked for no reason, stop and try to pay attention to your body. Are you tense? You are likely feeling physical pain somewhere. If you've been gaslit about your pain your entire life, you might not be able to identify it.
Go through a sensory checklist.
SIGHT: Try closing and covering your eyes. If this gives you relief, the lights are probably too bright. You may also need differently-colored lights
SOUND: Cover your ears. Does this give you relief? If so, you may need earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You may also benefit from a neutral or pleasant background noise, like soft music or brown noise.
TOUCH: Are your clothes uncomfortable? Your chair? Your body? Do you feel greasy, like you need a shower? Do you need softer, sensory-friendly clothing?
TASTE: Do you need to brush your teeth or tongue? Would chewing on something help?
SMELL: Is there a strong or unpleasant smell in the room? Do you need to clean or empty a trash can? Would an air purifier help? Would a pleasant smell like a candle help?
INTEROCEPTION: Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? How is your posture? Are any of your muscles tight or sore? Scan your body slowly from head to feet, tensing and loosening each group of muscles. Going for a walk or doing a series of quick stretches may help a lot.
Learning how to do this stuff is not intuitive, if you've had an entire lifetime of gaslighting telling you that everything hurting you isn't a big deal and you're being dramatic over nothing.
This takes time, it takes work, it's not intuitive, and it's hard. Most people forget how hard it is, because they learned this as toddlers.
If you want to recover, you need to relearn your whole body. And get over your idea of "normal" and just wear the damn sunglasses and put on the headphones. If people stare, fuck em. You're disabled and they can deal with that.
What a great post! So helpful.
People often ask me about my unmasking journey and express surprise to hear that such a big part of it has been 1) accepting I must avoid light/the sun and 2) wearing clothes I can stand.
I’ll play it jokey and say it like “well it took me far too long to realize that my former wardrobe made me want to jump off a bridge.” Or “turns out my old underwear was anti-autistic.” Or “for whatever reason when it’s too bright, I can’t think.”
It sounds silly to some people. It’s very hard for the average allistic person to understand how severed I was from what my physical person was feeling. It served me to be disembodied to survive for a long time. Until it didn’t.
eliminating all polyester blends from my wardrobe (and polyester in general) changed my fucking life
If you have auditory issues, Loop earplugs are a lifesaver. They're the only thing that makes going to the grocery store tolerable for me. They don't squeeze your head uncomfortably like traditional headphone style ear defenders and you can even get ones with adjustable sound dampening for if you need a little extra in some settings and less in others
the younger generation is delusional, like why bother guarding your brood? in my day we would lay egg masses everywhere in obscure locations and statistically some of your offspring would make it to maturity.
You, unquenchable spark, [...] eye of heaven and voice of light.
— THE PARAPHRASE OF SHEM ⚜️ The Nag Hammadi Scriptures: The Revised and Updated Translation of Sacred Gnostic Texts (Ed. Marvin Meyer), transl. by Michel Roberge, (2009)
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I’m sure I’m not the first to think of this, but God as a whale fall feeding us by accident and never intending to give us anything, much less being capable of or desiring to give us more
in most baking recipes that require it, love can be substituted with truth
“Under usual conditions, we tend to glide through the world without paying much attention to its intricate texture. Meeting the demands of the day often requires that we temporarily disregard our surroundings; we procure our everyday efficiency by suspending our connection to those parts of the world that do not serve our practical concerns. One of the amazing powers of love is that it offers a potent remedy to such carelessness. When we fall in love, dimensions of the world that have remained blurry or marginal suddenly click into focus for us. Neglected aspects of our environment clamor for notice. Facets of life that we normally ignore take on a heightened significance. Through an openness to those shades of our surroundings that usually remain eclipsed, we become keenly attentive to the myriad details of our lives.
While our ordinary preoccupations take place in the world, they also, in some ways, distance us from it. They distract us from the worldness of the world, as it were, because they are designed to allow us to make use of the world rather than to become fully and passionately immersed within its folds. In this sense, navigating the routine tasks and liabilities of life is not at all the same thing as being in touch with the pulse of the world. What is so wonderful about love is that it reconnects us to this pulse. It cuts through the din of our regular concerns so that we feel uncompromisingly real, aligned with the roundedness and timelessness of being. Yet we also feel firmly anchored in the here and now, embedded in the concrete materiality of the world. In a way, we are able to touch the sublime without ever leaving the world behind.”
— Mari Ruti, from “The Sliver of Eternity,” The Summons of Love (Columbia University Press, 2011)
—we had touched, in the only way we could touch. We left it at that. I do not know if we were right.
—Ursula K. Leguin, The Left Hand of Darkness